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Gracesmom

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Posts: 121
Reply with quote  #46 
It hurts so so much right now.
I know so so well.

I lost my Grace and her sister Anna three weeks later-both very healthy cats.
Grace’s vet killed her-
So many regrets-
Anna did not want to live without Grace so just gave up on life.

I had just gone through a very messy breakup-
And I walked into that huge house totally alone.
All I remember is how quiet it was.
I was so grief stricken, I could not even cry.
I sat on the floor in the hall where I had fallen and stared at the wall for two whole days without moving a muscle-I was numb, paralyzed, and in shock.

Trust me, I KNOW how much it hurts.
I wish I could tell you that there was something to make it better-
But there is not.
You are just going to have to hold on and go through the grieving process.

I know that is not what you want to hear, but loss is not easy.
It is a process-
It has stages that you have to go through-
But the good part is that you are “going through “ it-there will be an end.

I know I shared Grace’s letter.
She sums up every thing that you will go through.
If you have not:

Here is her letter:

Sometimes when you lose
something you value,
you have to grieve.

It is natural to feel shock,
denial, loneliness, sadness,
guilt, anger, depression, hope,
acceptance and growth.

I know that it hurts,
and it feels like the
pain will never end.

It will.

I know that it does not
feel very comfortable.

It is just a process
that you have to go
through to accept
your loss.

I know that you feel
like the hole in your
heart will never heal.

It will.

You will get through
this hard time.

Be patient with yourself.

Don't be afraid to cry.

You might feel afraid
of the future because
change is always hard.

Everything has its
time and place.

You will always have the
memories in your heart.

You will get through
this dark time.

I am on your side.

And remember,

I am here if you ever
need to talk.

Love,
Grace

Grief comes in waves.
Grace’s death was not a good one.
I was racked with guilt, regret, etc.
I had written a letter to Grace right after she died, telling her how sorry that I was and asking for her forgiveness.

I was completely shocked when I turned the page and Grace had written me a letter back.
Here is what it said:

Mom,
I wanted to stay with you forever,
but I couldn’t.
I am sorry that I had to leave you.

We will see each other again soon.
I forgive you.

I know that you loved me,
and I know that you would never
have done anything to hurt me.
I trusted you 100 percent.

We had a wonderful life together.
We will see each other again.

I want you to move on now,
and live your life.
I want you to be happy.

I am waiting for you—
And I will always be your Baby Angel.

Love,
Grace “

Time does not heal all wounds as the songs say
Time is a gift in that it helps lessen the intensity of the pain, but the scar on your heart is always there.

Grief comes in waves.
Tonight I went to the dollar store and bought two balloons-
I sent both Anna and Grace a message tonight and let the balloons go to them in heaven.

I did that a lot when they first died.
I watched the balloon until I could not see it anymore.

But, things do get better.
As Grace says, the pain does end-
And the hole in your heart does finally go away.




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Grace
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Mollysmomforever

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Reply with quote  #47 
Thinking of you today, Marina and hope you are doing OK.  Although I joined this forum to help me grieve the loss of my sweet dog, Molly, I am defintely a "cat person" too.  You know how intelligent cats are (especially Siamese), so you know that Mitookie certainly knew how much you loved him and that you did your absolute best for him, always.  
Take care
Molly's mom

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Molly's Mom Forever
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Gracesmom

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Posts: 121
Reply with quote  #48 
Hi Molly and Marina.
Happy Balentines Day.
You are both surrounded by the love of Molly and Mitookie. Let the love around you hold you and hug you today.

Molly, I was always a dog person-
But Grace, as usual, got her way.

I do have to admit that I sent Valentines
balloons with tiny notes tied in the string to
Both Anna and Grace today.

I watched the balloons until they were too high to see-but I know that Annna and Dtace will get my message.

I highly recommend doing that/
At least for me, I feel so much better.
I sent balloons asking Grace for forgiveness
Whenever I was really low...

She answered me in her letters.
Hang in.
It will be easier

Rachel

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Grace
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ForMitookie_03

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Reply with quote  #49 
RileysMom, your post made me laugh out loud.  Something I needed to do so badly.  This forum and the beautiful people that participate have definitely helped to provide the strength I've needed to get through these excruciating first two weeks.  I thought I was going to make it through yesterday without crying.  I got teary on the way to the post office at lunch time but stopped myself so that I didn't mess up my makeup.  But the hollow sadness came creeping in when I went to bed.  I haven't been able to sleep well.  Mitookie still fills my thoughts all day, every day.  I talk to him a lot.  It helps.  I'm thankful for all of you I have met on this forum and continue to pray for peace for all of us who are grieving. 

Grace's Mom's idea about releasing balloons is a novel one I hadn't thought of.  Maybe I'll buy Mitookie a Valentine's Day balloon and let it go.. okay, I feel the tears coming.  I better try to focus on getting some work done. 

Have a wonderful day everyone.  Hugs!

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Marina ~ Mitookie's Mom
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ForMitookie_03

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Reply with quote  #50 
Molly's Mom,  thanks so much.  I've had other cats before, and lost a beloved golden retriever in 2005, but Mitookie was definitely different.  I heard that Siamese cats were particularly intelligent and I truly believe that.  He was so much like a person.  I felt a different connection to him than any of my other pets.  That is what makes this so hard; the empty space in my heart and in my life that only he could fill. 

Sending hugs your way and prayers for continued healing as you work through the grief of losing beautiful Molly. 

Marina

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Marina ~ Mitookie's Mom
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catiebee

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Posts: 1,085
Reply with quote  #51 
Here with you on this path, Marina. I understand the sense of personhood and presence you experienced with sweet Mitookie. I'm thankful for how special he was to you, yet that magnifies your loss, because he's such a stand-out and completely irreplaceable.  Of course, no beloved pet can be replaced, but when there are such special attributes, when they've added so much meaning to our lives by their individuality and uniqueness....gosh, it's just that much harder.  So glad you had that oh-so-treasured connection with your boy. 

Hope you will be able to start resting better. The emotional upheaval messes up pretty much all of life for a while, it seems.

My heart and thoughts are with you, friend. And hoping you'll have a more gentle day.



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-Missing Marissa deeply
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Gracesmom

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Posts: 121
Reply with quote  #52 
Hey Marina.
Grace was my soul mate-
I understand when you speak about the connection-maybe it was because I had her since she was a week old-maybe not.

Grace’s mom, by the way, is named Rachel. Lol

I can’t tell you how many balloons I sent to Anna and Grace-I live by the dollar store.

I did send both Anna and Grace Valentine balloons.
I also attach a little note to them.
It has to be little and lightweight-
So it will not weigh down the balloon.
I tie the little note very securely in the ribbon and watch their messages go up to them in heaven.
I always let them go in the parking lot of Veterinary Specialty Care because that is the hospital where they died-
And I always do it at night-
More private.

At the beginning, I was sending Anna and Grace balloons daily-
There is something about letting go and watching the balloon ride that is comforting.

I also bought two of those wax battery operated flickering candles-
And, I put Anna’s collar on one-
Grace’s collar on another.

I can’t sleep unless those candles are flickering.

Attached Images
jpeg EBFF95C4-5A9A-4B06-9E00-53836E546DA2.jpeg (1.51 MB, 2 views)


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Love,
Grace

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Gracesmom

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Posts: 121
Reply with quote  #53 
Another thing that I did was get a bunch
of tennis balls.
I wrote “Love, Grace” on some and “Love, Anna” on others.
I live at beach, so I would nonchalantly drop “their” tennis balls by beach access-and watch.

Of course, the dogs always found the balls immediately.
When the dog gave the ball to his owner to throw, I could see each dog owner reading “Love, Grace” or “Love, Anna”.

I would watch the dogs enjoying Anna and Grace’s tennis balls.
It always brought a smile to my face.

Attached Images
jpeg ACF1E803-AA65-4810-BE0E-79B9EE9EE34E.jpeg (67.57 KB, 2 views)
jpeg 4F9118C4-448A-4125-B397-4C346CBC9217.jpeg (130.58 KB, 2 views)


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Grace

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Gracesmom

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Posts: 121
Reply with quote  #54 
And, of course Anna and Grace are always
with me in my beach pack.
They love watching the sunsets.

Attached Images
jpeg 86D5B5CF-406B-4968-B6DC-253638DA0398.jpeg (1.07 MB, 3 views)


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Grace

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RileysMom

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Reply with quote  #55 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ForMitookie_03
RileysMom, your post made me laugh out loud.  Something I needed to do so badly. ...


Yay! Mission complete! 👍🏼

Keeping you in my thoughts and hoping you’re having a better day today...

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Val
—Loving Riley, Rosy & Axl always 🐾

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Gracesmom

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Posts: 121
Reply with quote  #56 
I am a bit confused how this forum works.
Riley’s mom, were you responding to me when you said you laughed out loud?
Anna and Grace really do like the sunsets.
Is that funny?

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RileysMom

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Reply with quote  #57 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gracesmom
I am a bit confused how this forum works.
Riley’s mom, were you responding to me when you said you laughed out loud?
Anna and Grace really do like the sunsets.
Is that funny?


Gracesmom,

No, no I wasn’t responding to what you posted. It was a response to something Marina wrote. I’m sorry for the confusion!

It’s lovely they liked sunsets. I’m glad you have a time of day that was special and you can remember them. Nothing funny about that, just something beautiful.

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Val
—Loving Riley, Rosy & Axl always 🐾

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Gracesmom

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Posts: 121
Reply with quote  #58 
Oh-
When I was talking about the waves coming back-
Of course “Amazing Grace” is Grace’s song.
But
“‘‘Twas Grace who taught my heart to love
And Grace my fears relieved...”
I think I have the lyric wrong-
But Grace did teach me how to love-
And with Grace by my side, I felt like I could climb mountains....

Interesting fact about the song “Amazing Grace”-
It was written right here in downtown Charleston on Broad Street.

Riley’s mom-
If you really want to laugh out loud-
Here is Grace.
She was always so naughty that she had to post on the internists website.



Attached Images
jpeg 1FFDBBD1-60CB-4B7A-9EAA-1FAD6DB8DF75.jpeg (575.15 KB, 2 views)


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Gracesmom

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Posts: 121
Reply with quote  #59 
I am just glad people can laugh.
Always a good thing at a time like this. ~^••^~

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Grace
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Gracesmom

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Posts: 121
Reply with quote  #60 
Riley’s mom-
Can you please share?
I could use a good laugh about now.
Thanks,
Rachel

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