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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #226 
Hoping you are doing as well as possible these days, Marina. I'll bet you are literally counting down till your new colleague will come on board. And then there is training and lead time for this person to get up to speed on the job.  I dearly wish you had had relief in your job situation long before now. I hope you are feeling heaps better physically, too, and that the Benlysta is helping much. This has been a very tough time on you!

I'll bet Moses has thoroughly haired up your new comforter by now. Your comforter is his comforter, lol. 

Looking forward to your next update when you can snatch a bit of time. I hope you have at least a bit of time off around Christmas so you can catch your breath. Sending a fresh stash of spree and wishing you all the comfort in the world, sweet friend!  Hugs upon hugs!



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Reply with quote  #227 
Catie and Silvia,

Catie, I got the Spree.  Boy did I get the Spree.  I have officially gained the weight back that I lost over the summer.  I think I've been gaining and losing the same 6 lbs for years.  Oh well.  When I'm stressed I reach for the candy.  I guess it's better than other things I could be reaching for.  Well these days have been so very, very hard.  I've been thinking about Mitookie an awful lot this Christmas season and crying a lot as well.  I miss him so very much.  The Month of November and the first two weeks of December just flew by.  My help starts in January and maybe I can finally live a normal life.  I don't mind being busy, but oh my goodness, it really takes a toll.  I hope that both of you are enjoying the Christmas season.  My family is coming over this evening and my sister is spending the night, so I will have my hands full.  Much to Moses's dismay, my sister is bringing her dog.  Poor Moses isn't used to dogs so he will be hiding most of the time.  He will finally have to extricate himself from my comforter. 

I will check in again soon.  I'm finally off for a week!!  Yay!!!!

Have a Merry Christmas,

Love, Hugs, Spree and all the other Holiday Delights!!!

Marina

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Marina ~ Mitookie's Mom
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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #228 
Hi Marina, 

How right you are, that you could be reaching for worse things than candy! You've suffered such a stressful situation for so very long now and I'm grateful that some relief is on the horizon with your work. 

So sorry that the tears remain close and start falling again and again these days. It's heartbreaking to feel so much loss in what's expected to be a lovely season. 

I hope your family visit will warm your heart and soothe your soul a bit. I am picturing Moses running for the hills in your home and hiding out till the doggy danger passes. I hope your time off does you a world of good!  Many hugs from thee to me along with wishing you oodles of comfort.

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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #229 
Jaaaaa, sweet Marina,

So good to see you again - and thank you for your Christmas wishes on Max's thread. I hope your Christmas was quiet and peaceful even tho I imagine how much you missed Mitookie. How did Moses manage? I bet he is glad Christmas is over, lol.

Now isn't it wonderful to have a few days off? You so deserve just this, dear friend. I laughed reading that you had tons of Spree ... and even tho it is not so good regarding weight..... hm.... there is this chocolate cherry cake that I will bake tomorrow. I think you deserve a very large piece of it.

Have a wonderful vacation time

Big fat hugs

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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #230 
Sweet Marina,

What a lovely post you left for me on Max's thread - thank you for the words you wrote. I hope the year 2019 will bring you some relief regarding your work and that the "new one" will really be of help for you. I hear you with a smile when you talk about weight, lol - here and there I am also trying a half hearted diet but..... my oh my.... some food is so so extra delicious, isn't it? I would love to have a dinner with you - we would have so much joy!

All my good wishes go out to you

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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #231 
Hi Marina, 

I'm sneaking up behind our beloved friend Silvia to drop you a greeting. 

I so hope the tide has turned with your pain and that you have begun to feel better physically. 

How I hated to hear it when you wrote on my thread, that things haven't been working out well at your work place! I have been so hoping that the new person they were bringing on would be a major help and would greatly decrease your workload. No one can manage super high stress and a very high volume of work indefinitely and you've been under duress for such a long time. I pray that something will turn around there very, very soon.  And no, you didn't deserve some kind of brouhaha with the HOA, either. Yikes! 

I wish you still had your precious, furry boy Mitookie to help comfort you and to take the stress down a few notches. 

I hope Moses wasn't too rattled by the presence of your Christmas company. 

I am with you, Marina--the last few weeks sugar has been calling my name. Though I haven't bought any Spree, I ate a full box (dozen) of some old-fashioned candy bars and I have been guzzling Coca Colas. Need to get a grip and dial back so much sweetness. 

I have not minded in the least having our weather run in the 50s to 70s. Now, this is the time to live in TX!

Sending you a world of hugs and very best wishes (though belated) for 2019, Marina! May the year hold wonderful things for you!




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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #232 
Dear sweet Marina,
 
I come here today because it is a very special day for you. The 1 year angelversary of your beloved Mitookie. I think of how blessed he was to spend 16 years with you, he was so much loved and cared for. And I think of all the precious pictures you posted as time passed – there he came back to life and internationally known – such a beautiful boy. The picture where he is posing as “Mitookie the King” or as Catie said it then and there “His Excellence, His Majesty Mitookie” and it still makes me smile when I think of this.
 
I think of the special name you gave to him , your Sweetie, your Mitookie, your love. A year came and went, the pain is not as severe anymore but the longing will stay. And even tho it will be a difficult day for you, dearest friend, I hope it is filled with lovely and joyful memories – all the good times you two used to share for so many many years. My good thoughts are with you.
 
In honor of Mitookie I send a picture of a flower that developes a very beautiful perfume at night
1YearMitookie.jpg 
And for you an extra large box of the good ole Spree
With Love
Silvia




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Reply with quote  #233 
Dearest Silvia,

Thank you so much for thinking of me today.  The flower is so beautiful and so are your words.  It has a been a difficult day for me today.  I've tried to keep busy but my thoughts keep coming back to sweet Mitookie and that tragic Saturday, a year ago.  The next few days after that were a blur. There will never be another majestic, sweet, loving, soulmate of a kitty for me again.  Yes, sooner or later I will get another cat.  But I know in my heart of hearts I can never replace the love Mitookie and I had for one another.  I miss him so much.  Especially at night, because he used to let me hold onto him like a stuffed animal and sleep like that all night.  My favorite way to wake up was nose to nose with Mitookie.  Moses has become much more of a cuddler, but still no match for sweet Tookie.  I never thought I would miss the mess he would make of my hair sometimes with all his burrowing and kneading, but I would love to wake up looking like Tina Turner if it meant my Mitookie was responsible.  He was gone way too soon.  But he lives in my heart and will forever.  Yes, it is easier now, but as you know, the heart still aches for that companionship that only our sweet fur babies could give. 

I've been dieting again.  Trying to get the weight off from Christmas.  But today I threw caution to the wind and ate asiago cheese bread.  I had chicken in Tookie's honor, which wasn't bad, but after the bread, I all out fell off the wagon with a bang and ate several sugary pralines.  And it felt so good!  When I get to goal I'm breaking out the Spree.  And the cycle continues.....

I love food....and I love Mitookie.
20190127_Mitookie.jpg
Hugs and much love,  

Marina  


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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #234 
Oh what a stunning boy! I love the photo you posted. 

Marina, you've remained on my heart. Especially with all you've had going on. The extreme amounts of work and struggles there, the physical afflictions and pain and recently passing this big milestone. So hard. I hope relief is on the horizon at work and with the physical pain. 

And of course Mitookie. That darling furry love with the adorable name. I know there's still a hole in your heart just his size. I feel for you over how different things have been for a whole year, for all the grief you've suffered, for the ache inside. 

What an incredibly affectionate kitty, to let you cuddle him throughout the night! That's amazing, for sure. And how could you not miss those times?

Like I've thought a thousand times, I wish I had a balm, something real that would ease all of our pain.

I wish you easier days on every level and especially in your heart of hearts, the space reserved for Tookie.  Many hugs to you!



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Reply with quote  #235 
Dear Mitookie,

Today I was checking the bottom drawer in the kitchen to see if I had another pack of gum and I came across a green bottle of your medicine.  It was still full because it was one of the last medicine's the vet gave me to try and help you.  It was some wicked awful yellow powder that I truly never understood what exactly it was for.  All I know is that it was so bitter you turned right away from it.  I was supposed to sprinkle it on your food.  Like that awful acrid taste was supposed to magically disappear if masked in tuna.  I don't blame you for turning away.  I actually made myself stick a finger in the powder dust left behind after it was poured down the sink to taste just how disgusting it was.  I was angry.  I broke down right there at the kitchen sink.  All of those feelings of anger, emptiness, and loss welled up inside me and I fell to my knees weeping over your loss.  All I could say was I'm sorry.  I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I couldn't save you.  I'm sorry I didn't try another vet, another medicine, another surgery, another anything to make you better.  I miss you so very much.  I felt like I needed to touch your soft fur, see your beautiful blue eyes and hold you close to me one more time.  I will never feel right about the way you left this world.  I know you suffered and you were in pain and you tried to hide it so I wouldn't know just how much.  And I will never know, but what I do know is that I would have done anything to make it better.  To make you better.  To give you a few more good years.  In hind sight I realize the last year probably wasn't the best for you.  What with your constant diarrhea and multiple vet visits and medicines that you hated to take.  I'm so very sorry.
Maybe it's that I'm tired, overworked, and constantly overwhelmed that I broke down today.  Most days I know that I love and miss you but I keep on keeping on because I have to.  Today was hard.  Very hard.  You've been gone over a year now and I want and need you back so badly.  Thank you for giving me 15 years of your life with you next to me, loving me like no other.  There will never be another kitty as special as you were to me my Tookie.  My soulmate kitty.  Moses is pretty darn special and he is taking good care of me, but we both wish you were here with us.  He misses you too. 

I have to go now.  I have to clean up my runny mascara and gather my wits about me because I promised a neighbor I'd go to her Mardi Gras party.  I'd much rather just sit here with my tears and my memories of you, but a promise is a promise.  So for now dear sweet Mitookie, I say farewell.  I hope you have made many friends at the Bridge and that you are eating all the lovely warm rotisserie chicken you would ever want.  I love you so many bunches!  I can't wait to see you again.  Until then, my sweet kitty, I will leave you to the arms of the angels and in the trust of God.

Love,

Mom

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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #236 
Ohhhhh. Marina, I was in a restaurant a little bit ago when I saw your post to dear Mitookie come through. Your words resounded through my being and my heart went and goes out to you so, so much. What a whopping Ugly Grief Attack sailed out of that drawer wiith the medicine bottle and swept you up. I'm just so sorry. I know it hurts terribly. 

I so understand the feelings of not being able to save him and that you would have done anything on this planet if you could have, to rescue him from the disease and keep him with you. I hate that it wasn't possible and I wish there was a real balm for your broken heart. I'm sorry that the missing is so intense and for all the tears.

I hope you feel better soon. Sending a slew of hugs across the state to you, friend, and wishing you boatloads of comfort!





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Catie
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Reply with quote  #237 
Dear Catie,

Thank you so much for your comforting and understanding words.  I was just beside myself with grief on Saturday.  I haven't had a break down like that over Mitookie in a long time.  I'm just so exhausted and beyond overwhelmed with work and the stupid HOA responsibilities.  Work will be get much better for me in April.  I'm off the Board as of March 23rd, so there is definitely an end in sight, but for now, I continue to plod on to the best of my ability.  When my responsibilities doubled at work, I knew it would be bad, but wow, I am seriously over taxed on my time! 

I hope you are doing well.  I'm sorry I don't get a chance to come on the forum more often and offer you words of comfort and encouragement, especially during this time of milestones over the loss of our beloved babies.  Just know I am right there with you in thought and in prayer.  This has been such a rough journey. 

Lot's of Hugs and Love,

Marina

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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #238 
Marina,

So sorry you had that UGA -- I can't imagine the feelings that must've brought up.  I'm sorry that you're still struggling with the feelings of wishing you could've saved Mitookie - I think all of us probably still struggle with that for our own furbabies (I know I do).

I have to run and get back to work, but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.  I haven't done a good job of keeping up with being on here, due to all the mess I've been dealing with over the past year, but no one here is far from my remembrance at any time.

Hang in there. 

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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #239 
Oh sweet Marina,
 
When you open your drawer and a UGA jumps right into your face – my oh my – I understand so much what you wrote there. UGAs are tricky as they sneak up on you from behind when you last expect them. It happens to me also every once in a while and I guess it is best to let the tears just flow including all the wishes that are living inside of us that makes us believe for a little while that we could have done something to save them -  and then again we do find the strength to participate in the life that is before us. I know as much as you know that we will miss our beloved soul-mates forever.
 
Thank you for writing lovely words of comfort on Max’s thread and his birthay that I am sure he celebrated in heaven with all his new friends including your beloved Mitookie.
 
I read on that you are still drowning in work and I am kinda relieved to see that better times are near, a knowledge that boosts up your inner strength and provides you with energy to make it through the tough times.
 
Just like me, I am quite sure that all your friends here wish for you to live up to a regular normal job and much time to yourself and sweet Moses with Mitookie’s spirit all around you. Time to embrace the coming spring, go for some walks and look at the wonders of nature or sit in your little garden and read a book with some Spree to spice your reading.
 
You so much deserve it, dear friend – it’s been a very tough year for you.
 
I saw the first butterflies today which gave me a lovely feeling inside, short little moments of joy. I wish many of those for you.
 
Big fat hugs

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Reply with quote  #240 
David and Silvia,

Thank you for the kind and comforting words.  I was overwhelmed and finding the medicine bottle caught me at just the right moment.  Oh how I hate moments like those, but I believe the cleansing is good for the soul.  I'm hoping that soon I will get to begin to enjoy some of the beauties of Spring. 

Many, many hugs,

Marina

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Marina ~ Mitookie's Mom
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