bipolardianna
Ive went through the deaths of my father and grandmother with not a tear nor breaking my stride in life, but when I lost my gentle tiny companion in life, Francise, this last saturday, my whole world has caved in on me!... I want to to run, hide, scream, hit something or someone... My eyes are swollen shut from tears and those are not slowing up anytime soon!... Im having him creamated (of course), but i dont think i can bare to see him in that state yet... My family is looking at pictures of him and im mad because i can not get myself to look at any yet... Sigh... Ive been sleeping on the couch because he would sleep with me every night since he was 7 weeks old... I dreamt of him last night, woke up ok, then it all hit me like a ton of bricks again!!!... Sorry for babbling... Any suggestions would be so welcome... I so truly miss my Francise Fragile Rapavi... When does it get just a bit better? Thankyou all for listening... ❤
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Tigerkitty
I know what you are going through. We lost our little man, our son on Saturday due to a horrible accident. I don't know when it will get better. I woke up feeling ok today but last night it was so hard for me to go home after work because I knew he wasn't there. We too had him cremated. We are waiting on that call that he is ready for us to pick him up. I am not sure how I will feel on that day but one thing I do know is that I want him home. Maybe you will feel better once you have him home with you and you know where he is. I still cant look at pictures either. you are not alone.
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bipolardianna
Thankyou so very much Tigerkitty... Alot of people around me dont understand... They think "Why are you going through this?... He was just a dog"... ( those people i want to strangle)... Ive told my girls i will feel better he is home again but will they keep him with them until im ready to see him in that way... I am so sorry for your loss also honey, i will be here for you if you should need to just chat or vent... Much love your way...
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jonancy
I am so sorry for your loss. It's been six weeks since I lost my baby suddenly and unexpectedly. Thursday's are still very rough for me, this is the day he died. It does get better or easier, but something will set me off and I cry or get very sad. People who don't understand never had unconditional love from their furbabies. This forum has helped me a lot. I thought I was going crazy because of the emotional roller coaster. To this day, there are two people that I try to avoid talking about Scooter with. I've been told "get over it" or "get another one". I was terrified to pick up his ashes, thought I would cry too hard, it actually gave me some comfort having him home. Everynight I touch his box and say goodnight to him. I can do this now without crying. I didn't eat for two days after he died, can't tell you how long it took me to put on mascara again. Sometimes, I still shouldn't have.

To you and Tigerkitty ... I hope that soon pictures will give you comfort, it took several days but now I can't seem to find enough of my boy.

Tigerkitty...you are right...You are not alone!

Hugs...

Jonancy...Scooters mama
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mybaby1robert
It does not get easier to not have the company of your baby.  It gets easier to realize what the reality is now and that there is no changing it.  Our babies are the relationship that is the closest thing to God that there is.  Unconditional and innocent love.  I talk to my Robert each day and I find that to be my best medicine.  I know he is better and I hope someday I will be better.  Today I just go on and keep him ever with me.  I have a memorial each day where I light candles and talk to him and I come to the candle service here at the rainbow bridge each Monday night.  I am getting along without the constant crying but my heart aches and that may never stop.  I don't even care if it does not.  It reminds me of this wonderful creature who brought me closer to God then I have ever been before. God holds him in his arms as I have given him to the angels.  Peace to you my friend...the people on the Rainbow bridge are wonderful.
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danzey
Dianna...........You've just been pushed through this door, so please don't thing you have to do anything on a certain timeline.  I haven't yet looked at any pictures of my Boo (my cat), or Blacky (black lab).  It's been a little more then a year for Boo now , and even longer for Blacky.  The pictures are here of course and one day I'll look at them, but I have no idea when that'll be.  You talked about running, screaming, hitting; that sounds normal (to me anyway).  Let it happen.  Go into the bathroom and run the water and cry all you want.  Or scream into a pillow if you have to.  You asked when does it get better(?) Never, it just gets different.  The good news is we are all here for you.  Talk to us, we're here to listen.  Come to the candle lighting on Mondays if you'd like; there are no strangers there.  Also, this might sound a bit strange, but you will feel better when Francise comes home.  If you can manage to, try and take him home with you.  It's where Francise belongs, home with you where you can hold him (for as long as you want), hug him (as tight as you want), sleep with him,  and talk to him.  Francise never has to be away from you again, not ever.............danzey
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BellesMom
I feel the same way. I haven't been able to look at Belle's pictures at all. In the past I found it therapeutic with elderly pets (whose time we were able to choose) to look at their pictures in younger years when they were happy and healthy. That confirmed my decision to let them go. But with Belle, her death was so tragic and life with us so short that even thinking of her is painful. I simply can't bear to see that she was just fine last week and gone this week.

Don't let anyone tell you how to grieve - it's personal to each of us and dependent on the loss we suffer. Cry and scream when you need to - that's what I've been doing the past day and eventually I'm hopeful the time will come when I can appreciate the time we had and let go the guilt and pain. Hoping peace will come to you soon...
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moswald1
I'm truly sorry for the loss of your Francise; I too lost my Kasper on Saturday - I have the same feelings of not wanting to come home or be at home because I know he is not here. I lost my sister last November to a long illness and like you I have grieved my dog's loss more so than my sister. I picked up Kasper's ashes yesterday and it actually is comforting to me to have him here with me, even if he's in a different form than before. I am not sure when it will get better either; some of my routines make it difficult because so much of what I did day to day centered around Kasper's needs. I just keep coming back here and reading posts and replying and it truly does help. I hope that you find peace and comfort in the fact that Francise will be waiting for you on this side of the Rainbow Bridge - 
Marci
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AliceM
I am sorry Dianna. I wish I knew of something that would take away the pain from the loss of our babies. Like you, the death of my Cali has hit me harder than the loss of both my parents which only adds to the guilt I am struggling with. Having never had children, my animals through the years have taken on the role of my kids. Also like you, I cannot look at pictures of my.Cali yet. When we left my baby girl at the vets I had my husband take her picture on his phone "in case we never see her alive again." We did see her alive but she was unresponsive for 3 days after surgery until we had to let her go. I cannot even look at the last picture he took. .I am not sure I can ever look at it. You're among people here on the same journey. I would not have made it through the first week without the kindness of everyone here. I hope your heart begins to mend soon. My thoughts are with you.
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bipolardianna
All of your loving responses are so welcomed... I can not thank you all enough... I will be in on mondays to light a candle for my francise... I know i have only been a member for a short few hours but i feel understood and not alone... I also extend my sorrow for all of your losses... When i can mustar the courage up i will post a pic of my tiny, loving, brave gentleman... ❤
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Dalidog
I am so sorry for the loss of your Francise.  I like that you said you will post pictures when you can.  Tell us all about him, write a journal, release balloons, scream, cry, do what ever you have to do.  We all grieve in our own ways.  I too lost my girl Dali on a Saturday...and I dread and hate Saturdays now.  This Friday will be 6 months, and I cry every day.  I lost weight, had to get put on anti depressants, and haven't worn mascara in 6 months now.  no use..it would cry off.  I can't say that it ever gets better, you just learn to live day by day.  They teach us about unconditional love and then they teach us about unimaginable loss.  Like you, I have lost close family...  both my parents, grandparents, etc...  and NOTHING prepared me for the loss of my furbaby.   As was posted on the forum above and said very well..  our relationship with our furbaby is the closest thing to God that there is.  And that relationship is very hard to live without.  Take care of yourself..  Hugs to you and Francise from me and my Dali

Dali, as much a daughter as any human...  pure love
Until we meet again

http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/DALI003/Resident.htm

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Aine

Dianna, I am so sorry for your loss, I also lost my baby on Saturday, my little Minx, I understand what you are going through, I feel just broken, all I seem to do is cry, I cant look at any of her pictures and today I found one of her toys under the bed with her teeth marks in it, the pain is awful. this site has been a life saver for me, so many wonderful understanding people, she was not "just a dog" to me she was my everything, I know time will heal and this gut wrenching pain will ease but not today, there is no timeline no rules that say well it's been this long so this is how I have to feel, it helped me to write a letter to her telling her how I was feeling and how much I loved her and miss her.

I thank God I have her sister Mini, she is helping me so much with her unconditional love and companionship, I wish I could find the words to help you more, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget
falls drop by drop upon the heart
until, in our own despair, against our will,
comes wisdom through the awful grace of God
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MurphysMom_0831

bipolardianna wrote:
...Alot of people around me dont understand... They think "Why are you going through this?... He was just a dog"...


Those are the people who don't realize that there is no such thing as "just a dog." As mybabyrobert1 said, "Our babies are the relationship that is the closest thing to God that there is. Unconditional and innocent love." People who consider animals just a dog, just a cat, etc., either haven't allowed themselves to experience the purest, deepest form of love on the face of the earth or haven't had the opportunity. They see animals as pets as opposed to people like us who consider them our beloved family members and often our children. People too often toss out what are thoughtless, hurtful comments to the grieving; many of us here have experienced it, too. When my Golden Retriever Murphy was in the hospital in critical condition and I expressed to my sister the terrible fear I had of losing him, her response was "well, then you shouldn't have dogs." My own sister. I was crushed. Murphy was all I had for years. He was my life. The fact of the matter is these folks are the losers and we're the winners, for our lives have been enriched beyond measure by the precious gift of sharing our furangels' lives and receiving the blessing of the truest, most unquestioning love of all. Through their lives and their loss, we come to understand what's truly important in life.

I'm very sorry you lost your precious Francise. Everything you're feeling is normal and part of this long, heartbreaking process which has to be worked through at your own pace. Just like jonancy, I found such a tremendous sense of relief to have Murphy home again following his cremation. He'd been in the specialty hospital for 13 long days, and I didn't get the call to go pick up his urn for another 6 days. It helped me greatly to set up a memorial for him in the lighted curio cabinet in my living room with his beautiful urn, a photo, his collar and leash, bowl and spoon, brush and empty boxes of the last treats he enjoyed before he got sick. His urn is sealed, but I have no desire to look inside. I do look at the multitude of his photos on my computer, which hurts but brings back many happy memories. I look at his memorial all the time, turn the light on in the cabinet every night and off in the morning and lovingly rub his urn while speaking to him, light a candle on the coffee table and write to him here in his thread. I tell him what's been going on and how much I love and miss him. It really has helped. I don't know how I would have survived thus far if it weren't for the wonderful, supportive people I've met here, now considered dear friends, and being able to write down my thoughts and get them out of my system.

Please know you're among friends and we grieve with you. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Blessings,
Murphy's Mom (Kathryn)

"Sometimes there is a dog who is so special, he is able to wrap himself so completely around your heart it is impossible to tell where you begin and he ends."  For My Beloved Murphy, 08/31/2004 - 06/18/2014


http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MURPH121/Resident.htm


http://s327.photobucket.com/user/kathrynbrown1626/library/?sort=6&page=1
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Katel
I am so sorry to read of your new pain Dianna and understand all too well how crushing it can be. Try and take a tiny bit of comfort from knowing that those of us here know and have known the same, and we are strengthened by the understanding and genuine caring from each other.  All of us reading your post will be grieving with you, you are not alone my friend
Blessings,
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helenbutcher
Right now my precious dog is being put to sleep.  I'm alone and crying.  She was an extremely SWEET little Maltese, Molly and we've had her nearly 16 yrs.
Helen Butcher
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