JSher

My beautiful, perfect, loving, sweet, impossibly amazing, my soul-mate from heaven has been struck down with a mass in her liver diagnosed in November. She is 17 or 18, I have had her and she me for 16 years. Every single day a blessing. Then hyper-t and then complications with medications and me trying to find help for her across the globe and meeting with vets who never got it, never understood, and it was all part of this dance we were forced to dance, of a lot of pain and a lot of suffering.

Pills, IV's, pain relief, supplements, anything to keep her going, keep her well - I brought in healers and acupuncturists and prayed and prayed. God gives and God takes away. And she, my lovely sweet baby is in the room now, she is so weak, I do not know what was the last straw for her, but 3 days ago she collapsed. And it's been downhill and I am keeping vigil till the vet can get here - it is a very rapid decline.

I was never in this situation of loving so much and being loved so much and having this removed from so suddenly. So much life in her. And it's snuffed out - she was craving grass, I brought her grass, maybe there was something on the grass that was not good, maybe it was sprayed, she craved shea butter maybe that was not good either but she was trying to put out the pain and fires in her body and was doing what she knew and I was trying to meet those needs. I have vials and bottles and iv's hanging and it was all not enough. Death is knocking and appearing in the shape of a skull in the sky. Hovering. We had a pact to go together and now she is leaving before me. So, prepare the way my sweetest friend. We've been traveling this universe before and we'll soon meet up. Soul to soul, we'll meet again my blessed friend.

I write this medicated, and have been since her decline. The emotions are way too raw to take this sober. Tomorrow we bury. And my life with a huge empty space commences. Be free and soar high.

 

 

Thank you God for giving me ChiChi's love and for loving me enough to do just that.
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mtz1969
I'm not sure I'm ready to offer my support, as I only lost my Jett two days ago and I still feel like I'm drowning in grief.  From what you wrote I hear two things loudly...  You love her very, very much and you've done *everything* you could, more than I think most would consider, let alone be able to. It's small solace against something that feels so unfair.  You want to scream and rail against the universe. You want to numb the pain. While no one's pain is the same, I can tell you that we're all here for the same reason and we all understand. You gave her a wonderful life here on earth, and she'll be sharing her stories of her life with you and the love you share until you see her again.

As I was searching for help with my grief a few days ago, I came across this.  I think it's beautiful.  It may be old and well-known, but I'll pass it along here for you in case it gives some small comfort.

Quote:



     All Pets Go To Heaven

Can you imagine a heaven without pets?

There is a very special place where beloved pets go after they die. This is only a temporary location. But there are trees and grass and lakes, and everything they love. Here they can play and eat and sleep, even better than they did, before they died. Now, there are no aches or worries or dangers of any kind to trouble or threaten them. The only joy missing is their beloved human companion, you.

All health is restored completely, and all injuries are healed. Dogs and cats play with each other like youngsters, and they do not have time to feel lonely for you. They miss you, and with the special wisdom that animals have, they trust that this condition will get better. And they confidently wait as they frolic.

A wonderful day will come for each of them, when in the middle of playing they will suddenly feel something is different. And all their senses will be at the height of excitement and exuberance. They will sniff the air and look off in the distance where they recognize that dearly loved special presence. Then they will call out in elation, and with eyes shining and tail going wild, tear off at a full gallop, almost flying over the green grass.

Your expected arrival has been sensed, and now there is nothing that can keep the two of you apart, ever again. As you run toward each other the tears flow from your eyes. Your pet leaps into your arms, and you cling together in jubilant reunion. The joyous kisses are all over your face, and you kiss back, just as ecstatically. Your hands so lovingly caress once more the beloved fur, the head and neck and body you knew so well. And you look into each other’s loving eyes, and all those old, wonderful shared feelings are back, again.

And then something will call the both of you on, to a different field of warmth and nurture, where all the love you knew now comes to fruition. With your pet, you leave that special waiting area, walk into the main part of heaven, and begin a new existence there, together.

If you accept that pets can love us as much as we do them, then the logic is clear and cannot be denied. If you believe that there is a heaven for people, then they must be there, waiting for us, when we cross over. Heaven is love, and pets always share that with us.


— Wallace Sife, Ph.D. The Loss of a Pet (Fourth Edition, 2014), Chapter 16




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JSher
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Thank you God for giving me ChiChi's love and for loving me enough to do just that.
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JSher
Thank you dear soul. It is the bewilderment. Not knowing why, how or when. There is little to do but accept, wait and then try to breathe. Small tiny steps. She is/was the love of my life. Yes.
Thank you God for giving me ChiChi's love and for loving me enough to do just that.
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Monty13
I'm so sorry for what you are going through! I know how hard it is since I lost my soulmate just a couple of months ago. I'm relieved to hear the vet is coming and will know what to do for your sweet friend. You wouldn't want her to continue on in pain. You will be together again some day I'm sure of it! I know its not easy but try to think of what your pet would want for you. It would make her very sad to see you so sad. We all need to take the time to remember and cry. I still do alot of that but I know my Monty would hate it so now I'm trying to get out more and do things to keep busy and when the time is right I will get another little friend to love because I know that's what Monty would want. My thoughts are with you. Take Care! XXX
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JSher

Since this began a few days out of the blue, she wasn't fine before, but she was still eating, drinking, going to the box, scratching her nails and interacting and then bam.. Something happened, something within her or something ingested. My heart keeps lurching into my chest, I can't sleep, waking up with dread, doom, anxiety and guttedness. I can't make sense out of this at all. What is the use? I keep saying God gives, God takes away and this has been the story of my life, so many repeated losses, and ChiChi - really was my bastion. My grounding force, my home, wherever she was - that was home and comfort.

When I was sick, she comforted me. I should have played with her more, she loved to play. We did but less, I was depressed from so many traumas in my life that were never resolved. She knew it all and still was cool. Her demeanor was fierce, calm, collected and no matter what - we'll get through this. She had no fear, was a tiger. An alpha if females can be alphas. I was truly blessed to have her in my life. Every single moment I knew and was aware of this blessing - taking nothing for granted. Because I knew my history and knew the pattern that eventually all will be taken from me and so would regularly beseech God to keep us together, thanking Him for this precious friend.

Nobody understands the depths - outside of this group and others - I mean regular people with regular lives and regular families - but i was raised almost feral. I had one mama cat as an infant to 4 then she disappeared quote unquote. These were the late 50's, early 60's. There was a huge amount of trauma training of infants going on during those times, I was left isolated more than any child should have, but there was a loving cat and a loving dog who gave me the empathy and emotional strokes that were lacking. Both were removed from me and I went into a tailspin at the age of 5. True reactive disorder. Then a dog was a adopted, and they tried to kill him too, but he survived, limping for the remainder of his life. Countless rescues coming and going. Another dog adopted, lived to 10 died of diabetes, and then my felines. 4 gems. 2 died of pesticide poisoning where we lived. Both males, 10 and 11 - incredible entities. ChiChi survived but developed neurological symptoms, and then it was once thing after another - most if not all due to toxins. I could raise my fist and say - why? Don't I deserve to have goodness in my life? Why do I have to watch in horror as each of my loved ones is taken from me? Is this a life lesson? Karma?


I just can't with this. Time didn't soften the loss of my 2 males who passed 5 years ago. It's still raw. This type of loss now will remain with me till the day I die.

 

 



Thank you God for giving me ChiChi's love and for loving me enough to do just that.
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