Amandakate
It’s 2:47am on the east coast and I’m wide awake traumatized by the last 24 hours. I can’t equate this kind of grief to anything I have felt before. This is the saddest day of my 33 years on earth. My baby girl, Sadie, has died at 14 years old. We rescued her from a kill shelter in KY when she was 5. She came to us as an anxious sad girl who had more love to give than most humans I’ve seen. She was at our side day in and day out. All she wanted was to be pet and paid attention to. She was a beautiful english setter with the heart of gold. 3 years ago I went through a bout of illness and she laid at my bedside for weeks when I couldnt function. The kind of dog that was so in-tuned with her owners emotions. We loved her so very much. Everytime I pulled into the driveway I could hear her barking until I reached the door where she greeted me no matter what time of night or day. As she got older, she declined in mobility but that didnt stop her from trying to get outside and make us happy. This past weekend she took a terrible turn. She wouldnt get out of her bed nor would she eat or drink anything and couldnt get up to use the bathroom. Her eyes were half open and she panted non-stop. Thinking it was a virus or the like, my sister and I lifted her outside to lay in the sun with a cool breeze sweeping over her under her favorite tree. We laid with her for hours and she tried to lift her head toward us when she could. We laid there until it was time for her vet appointment. We drove her in and she lifted her head out the window (for the last time) and we arrived at the vet. Things happened rather quickly there. They informed us her tounge was blue and she trembled in pain. Xrays confirmed she had an enlarged heart that was pressing on her airway making breathing hard. At this advanced stage, our only option was to put her down or take her home to pass there. We chose to put her down and end her pain. I held her as they injected her meds and within seconds felt her little life leave her body. I watched her look up at me as she took her final breath. My world stopped. Ive cried a river of tears every hour since. Ive never felt pain and emptiness like this before. Coming home to my other dog was even more painful as he does not realize she is gone yet. I guess Im writing here because I need to get this out and I also have no idea how to handle this pain. I knew she was old and not well but I didnt expect to be overcome by such massive grief. Nothing will replace my baby girl and everything reminds me of her in this house. I cant imagine waking tomorrow and her not being there to greet me. I feel empty and hollow inside. I realize that Im just at day one of a long journey of grief ahead. The hardest part of loving a dog so much, is the final goodbye. I dont know how to manage this pain. My heart is broken.
I love you Sadie. I miss you in my bones.
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Tankie12
Oh Amanda my heart hurts for you! I’m soo very sorry! I understand completely how overcome with emotions you are right now. I understand not wanting to wake up in the morning to be faced with the realization all over again. You are right, I’m sorry to say, this is the beginning of a journey with grief that comes with the loss of your beloved Sadie. You’re not going to be alone on this road you have a community of wonderful people here who know how incredibly painful this is. You’ve lost Sade, your baby and the grief is no less than a mother’s loss for her own birth child. But you won’t be left alone, we’re here for you, hugs,,,,,
Lynn, Tankie’s mom, forever
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Amandakate
Thank you so very much for your kindness in the time of a strangers need. It means so much to not feel so alone in this journey. Youre right, Sadie was like my child. I just hope that my love for her eased her transition out of this life. We can do nothing but accept the grief as it pours over us and hope that the bond we shared with our best buds, was worth it all. Thank you again for your compassion- I needed it so. ❤️
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Tankie12
Amanda the simple fact that as gut wrenching as this pain is we would do it all over again tells us it was worth it. And unfortunately this grief comes because of our love. But there really is no greater love than the unconditional one we’ve shared and you can bet that eased her transition to her next phase of spirit🐾 Don’t think of her as too far gone, her body is all that’s left, her spirit will always remain close to those she loves and especially her Mommy,,,,,
Lynn, Tankie’s mom, forever
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