CalumsMommy
Two days ago I lost my beloved and adored baby boy. It was horrifying accident with another and larger dog that I have. He suffered immensely and the vets couldnt save him. We euthanized him to end the irreparable pain and now I am riddled with sadness and longing and GUILT that I didn't protect him enough. I never thought this would ever happen. I wanted to grow older with him. I am having terrible flashbacks of the scene and of him, and I am crying for two days now. I expect him to be under the dining table, outside of my shower, under my covers, and now my house is empty. My daughter has an enormous loss as well. I have the extra added layer of guilt and the visuals and I cant express that openly so I suffer deeply. My chest hurts from crying. I cant stop. It feels surreal. I wished I could die with him but know that was not a realistic thought. I just wanted to stay with him and make the pain go away.

I now have to re-home this dog to her rescue, but her brother will stay (we had three).I failed them all and we all lose.

Will this pass? This is absoluetly this worst thing that has ever happened in my entire life's experience. 
Calum's Mommy Forever <3 
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camunki
I am sorry for the loss of your baby.....and please don't let guilt consume you now, you are going thru enough with the grieving process and you have to remember, you did not *intentionally* have this start, you did  not make this accident happen. I wish i could say more to help ease the pain....just losing a dog to any circumstance, whether old age, or young age or whatever the reason may be, it is a difficult path on the grieving path. Please be good to yourself, and not fill your mind with guilt or blame, that will just make thing more difficult to process. Again, I am very sorry for the loss of your baby boy.

Cam


 
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Beaglemomma
I just want to add my voice to others who are hoping to somehow ease your pain.  Everyone here is suffering loss and no matter HOW it happens it seems there is guilt connected, whether it is deserved or not.  Anyone who loves their pet as you obviously do, suffers from the loss.  As you will see if you continue here, we are all hurting people wanting help.  This is a place of understanding and comfort even though some of us are so RAW that it doesn't seem possible that things will EVER be "normal" again.

Please go easy on yourself, you never intended any of this to happen, so don't beat yourself up over something you couldn't control.  Talking to myself as I write this too.

Sending you hugs and wishing peace and comfort will find you soon.
janice
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AnaMarie
I don't know if this will help, but, in yogic belief nothing that happens, happens by accident. It's all God's plan. It is through sorrow, bad times, what we perceive as "accidents," that our souls grow. I know, it's hard not to have regrets, the "should-haves," the, "...if only I had...," but, nothing that isn't supposed to happen, happens. It's through pain that we grow. We are only humans, and humans are imperfect. I know it's hard, but, DO FORGIVE yourself. You did the best you could given the circumstances you had. You cannot predict the future or all the "what-ifs." You yourself said, "I never thought this would happen." Don't hold yourself accountable for a situation you didn't believe could happen. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!  Since you feel that you cannot express the visual memory and guilt that you feel, may I suggest that you write your thoughts down, and, then, offer them to God, by burning the piece of paper. Being human means we are often filled with regrets. Regrets grow out of hindsight, in other words, knowing what we know now, we would do things differently. As humans, we are all destined to have our "regrets." Wisdom is to learn from our regrets. Then, LET IT GO!

Your little one is no longer suffering, but, you are. Your heart is full of grief and I'm not sure that the pain of losing your beloved little one ever goes away completely. It was 3 years ago yesterday that my beloved little dog, Coopie, left this world due to old age. I still cry, and it still hurts. Time does help in not making the pain so present, but, whenever I think of him I still cry. Pray for God's help in bringing peace to your soul and comfort to your heart. 
Blessings,
Ana Marie
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CalumsMommy
I very very much appreciate the support. I am taking any and all of your suggestions. Yes, It's the I should haves (too little too late, put another gate up, not gone out for coffee, called the trainer earlier, paid attention to signs more seriously etc), that is half of the Guilt right there. I walked in and saw him dying, I had to transport him to to hospital then I had to return home and clean. It all drives it in more. I hate my home now. It's taking all the compassion I have to love these dogs while we plan the one's transition. The visuals are traumatic. I definitely need to process that with a therapist I see. He didn't deserve to suffer so badly. He was only 2, and a little guy. But I will try these suggestions. Thank you thank you all, and I wish you all peace and love as well.
Calum's Mommy Forever <3 
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Bailey15
So sorry for your loss!! I lost my dog in I Nov. /15 and the house feels so empty without him so I understand that feeling. It's so painful to watch your pet suffer. I hope you can find some peace.
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AnaMarie
Dear CalumsMommy,
  So sorry I haven't responded sooner. I am a 24/7 caretaker for my husband who is bed/wheelchair bound, and it's sometimes hard to get some time for myself.  I just wanted to know how you are doing?  It's hard enough to lose our little pet loved-ones due to illness or old-age, but, to have gone through the experiences you went through makes the healing of your heart so much more difficult. Anyway, I am thinking of you and sending prayers your way.
Ana Marie
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CalumsMommy
Thank to both commenting above.
I'm crying less on most days but feel dead inside actually. I now riddled with a terrible decision about my other dog and I posted about this yesterday.
From reading everyone's posts it seems no time to go is ever ever good.
I thought at least a long terms illness would have been "better" than losing him per se, in a sudden death( for me that is!) but omg it doesn't seem that way.
Ughhhhh
Calum's Mommy Forever <3 
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GunnersMama
I'm new to this too and I know exactly how you feel. I'm so sorry for your loss of Calum. In 2009 we had to have are 12 year old dog put to sleep because of health issues and I never thought that I could experience anything that was more difficult than that. Then on Christmas night my 7 year old dog Gunner died suddenly by running into a tree chasing his ball that we got him for Christmas. It was so sudden and I couldn't even comprehend what was going on. The guilt and what ifs are unbearable at times. I know what you mean by feeling dead inside. I still cry every day. I miss him so much that my heart is broken in a million pieces. He was supposed to grow old with me. We were supposed to have many more years together. I will keep you in my prayers and hope that you are doing better.
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