Beaglemomma Show full post »
EM
Some things in life just seem too far out of our human comprehension, which means they may just require us to rely on simple faith in order for us to live and be happy. It seems like the more closely intimate we get with caring for the needs of our closest family and friends, the more difficult these trials are for us. It's kind of like a mind game or something. It plays on our mental weaknesses and vulnerabilities. I know because I get hurt from it too. The answer really is though that we should rejoice in the love that we share and know that is everlasting.
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Dalidog
Molly'smom,
I read your post and YES, it was a sign from her!!!  She was trying to tell you that she is okay.  I read with tears what you wrote.  We spend their whole lives loving them, caring for them, grooming them, feeding them, playing with them, taking them to the vet.....and then that dreaded time comes and we all feel we let them down.  You were blessed to have Molly for 14 years, although I know there is never enough time.  KNow that she is with you and comforting you always.  Love never dies....they have just transitioned and we will be with them one day.  Hugs to you and Molly from me and Dali

Dali, as much a daughter as any human...  pure love
Until we meet again

http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/DALI003/Resident.htm

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Beaglemomma
I do wish there was some way all the wonderful people on this Forum could get together and share stores and give hugs in person.  There are so many gracious replies to my posts and I am so grateful to all of you for understanding my PAIN.  It feel like it will never leave and I would feel guilty if it did go.  Molly was my "special" baby, even though I loved all my pets.  Maybe it was because she had such allergies and I had to watch her so closely to keep her comfortable, but she was so funny too.  Beagles are noted for being funny happy little doggies, and she certainly lived up to that reputation.  She liked to put her "treasures" in a different place in the house EVERY morning.  She would walk around with her mouth stuff full of them trying to decide where they should spend the day and sometime for reasons I never understood she would come to me with them and let out a little cry, like she needed help deciding where to put them.  It was funny and sad at the same time.  If we went somewhere the first thing she did when we got home is to hunt down those treasures to make sure they were ok.  I carried around "back up" ones just in case, but I knew they wouldn't be the same.  Fortunately I never needed them.  The little hedgehog was in shreds, I couldn't mend him anymore, just not enough of him left, and the rawhide knot, which she NEVER chewed on was filthy.  I tried to wash it, but it was beyond help, but she LOVED those 2 things literally to death and they are still with her.  There was no way I could get rid of them, they mean way too much to her.  Sometimes in the evening when I was in bed, I would see my sliding closet door slide open and she was putting her treasures in the closet for the night.  So funny.  Those are the things I want to remember more than that last afternoon, but seems my mind isn't cooperating.  She would place them in these position, not me. 
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janice
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dearellie
Janice, this is a wonderful story about Molly and her little toys. I do think with time your memory of that last afternoon will fade and your good memories over the 14 years of Molly's life will persist. 

It is interesting, all of us on this forum seem to be grieving that once in a lifetime pet that we are so lucky to have had. Not everyone gets that special bond in their lifetime. Ellie was mine, for sure. I lost my mom about 18 months ago, and this loss is different, more difficult. I cherished my mom dearly and I think of her everyday, and I still cry over that loss, but losing Ellie is more acute, more painful, more devastating. 

I have regrets about the last 6 months of Ellie's life and about her death. I wish I had done more, maybe she could have thrived for a little longer, been more comfortable, lived longer. But maybe it was ok. I do hope that I'll come to some peace and acceptance about this. Death sucks and it is inevitable, there's no two ways around that. Please forgive yourself for the way that Molly died, there is no way that you could have controlled that. Be so proud of the incredible 14 years you were able to give her. She went through that scary awful moment one time, but you are reliving it over and over. You don't deserve that, it wasn't your fault. Letting go of the pain is not a disservice to your love for your furry friend, but it is a service to yourself. 

Being on this forum is a path to healing, I guess that's why we're all here. I've read that you have to acknowledge your emotions. It's so much easier to do that among people who understand so acutely. Have you, or anyone else reading this, read any good books on the topic? I just ordered this book: "Coping with Sorrow on the Loss of Your Pet" ( http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1508411468 ) but it hasn't arrived yet.  Has anyone created a memorial for their pet? Has it helped?

Hugs,
Liz

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bartlett
Janice, I enjoyed reading your description of your Molly and all the funny,cute things she did. She sounds like she was really a smart girl. I know how much you miss all those things and it's almost like having another human around when they are so intellegent and amusing. You're the first person I've seen on here that was close to my age (I'll be 77 next month) and I think maybe with age it's harder to cope with the loss of our babies. I've lost dogs in the past but I don't remember it being this hard. I lost my Chester man,(a long haired red dachshund) 6 weeks ago and for a while there I felt like I just wasn't going to be able to recover from it. I have 3 other dogs which I love, but he was just so special. When he was younger I loved bringing him new stuffed animals and he would get so excited, just like a kid. In his later years he didn't play as much,but loved his chew. Every night after supper I'd hear him in the bedroom barking because he wanted me to come try to take his chew from him. If anyone would have seen him they would have thought he was going to eat me up but that's just what we did. Eventually, he'd take his chew and go under the bed with it.
I'd give anything to be able to do that again. I was never to busy to give him the attention he wanted. He was 13 years old and up until he developed kidney failure was very healthy. I've read so much on here about others whose dogs were having all kinds of health problems and I'm so thankful that he lived such a good healthy life and goodness knows he certainly knows he was loved.
I've been going to our local humane society since Chester died in hopes that it would help me get through the pain I was experiencing. I take as many dogs as possible out for a short while and they seem to enjoy it so much. I just feel bad when I have to put them back in their pen. The first time I went there was a little beagle there that was so excited and when I went to let him out to put the leash on him he managed to slip by me and ran all over the place. All the other dogs were barking like crazy as he flew by their pen. I thought I'd never catch him and I've been afraid to take him out again. The people who work there said they had a hard time controling him too. I'm going to try again because he's so active & really needs to get out.
I have thought to myself how nice it would be to be able to meet some of these fine people in person. It's not often you come in contact with someone who understands like these people do. I pretty much just keep my feelings to myself because after this much time most people think you should be over it. I plan to take my pictures of Chester off of my computer and have photos printed so I can make an album of my baby,but I'm going to have to give myself more time. Some things are just too hard right now and I try to avoid things that will put me in a crying mood.
I'll be glad when I can think of my boy and smile instead of cry. I'm sure you probably feel the same. Here's hoping we both have better days ahead and I'm just sorry you're without your Molly & I'm without my Chester. Hugs.
Chester's mom (Joan)
joan bartlett
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Beaglemomma
Oh Joan thank you so much for your post.  I can just see Chester playing with you.  Thanks for sharing that with me.  I wish I was healthy enough to do some volunteer work, but I am not and Molly was constantly by my side.  It is unbearable without her.  I don't think there is a set time for grief, at least I sure don't think I will EVER get over Molly.  As others have said sometimes there are "once in a lifetime" doggies and sounds like we both got one of those.  Wouldn't change that part, but this pain is awful.  Beagles are noted for "getting away" and must constantly be on leash.  They don't mean to run away, but their nose just gets them in trouble.  They put it to the ground and then they are 5 miles away before they look up and don't know where they are.  The breeder we got Molly from wouldn't let her puppies go unless the people had a secure yard for them.  We used to take her out to a park on a 100 foot rope so that she could run and still be controlled.  She just LOVED that.  She would run like the wind with that silly Beagle grin on her face. What I wouldn't give to see that again.  At least you have more babies left, but one doesn't take the place of the other, but having NOTHING is just terrible.  I keep "seeing" her all around the house and being in bed without her is the worst.
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janice
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bartlett
Hey Janice, I can just imagine the empty feeling you must have without your Molly. Besides being something to love they can also provide a lot of entertainment.
My morning hasn't been real great. I've been on the computer transferring a lot of pictures of my Chester man to a site where they will make 4 x 6 prints, or other sizes if you want them. I transferred about 40 pictures and cried until I was about to get a headache. What a lot of memories down through the years. I don't have any many pictures of his earlier years because that was before digital cameras became so popular, but I do have a few taken when we used to go camping and at other times at home
Later, I went to hang out some clothes (yes, still do that) and the clothesline is right by his grave so that brought on some more tears. Sometimes I think I did the wrong thing by burying him at home, but on the day I had to put him to sleep I knew I couldn't leave him. I know a lot of people do cremation but that would have meant leaving him also. I needed to bring him home so I could have those last minutes alone with him even though he was no longer in that body. I thought I would just break into a million pieces when I had to bury him. No doubt the hardest thing in the world to do.
Those early days are something I try not to think about. I'm so sorry that your health is not good enought to allow you to volunteer or possibly get another doggie. I'm very fortunate in that regard. I live in the country and maintain a 5 acre yard all by myself. It keeps me busy and that along with taking care of my 3 dogs,2 cats and a parakeet keep me pretty active and i think helps with keeping me in good shape. I live in south Ga.and sure wish someone like you lived near so we could talk about our babies. No one, not even family, realizes the giant hole in life that loosing Chester has
joan bartlett
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Beaglemomma
Oh my goodness, I too wish we lived closer together.  I am sooooooooooo lonely here in So Oregon even with Molly it wasn't good, but now it is impossible.  We cremated Molly because we have no place for a ground burial and we should move soon due to financial reasons and I sure want to be able to bring Molly WHEREVER I am.  We did the same with our 20 year old kitty and I am glad to still feel like she is with me.  There is NO good solution to losing them.  It is just a grief that defies words.  It was weeks before I could even look at a picture of Molly without dissolving completely. It just made me want to grab her and kiss those sweet cheeks and feel her velvet ears.  Don't think most people know that Beagle ears are like they are.  Even velvet doesn't adequately describe how they feel, so soft that I am at a loss for words. Ears that flap around like crazy when she would run like the wind with that silly Beagle grin on her beautiful face.  Just now I can sneak a peek at the million pictures we have of her.  I started an album when we got her at 9 weeks, but I can't bring myself to go through that yet.  Whatever brings comfort is what we all need to do with NO apologies for any behavior.  We had a neighbor when we were in MI for a year who took in Shid Tzu rescues and they never left her arms once she got them, they had found their "forever" home.  But then they were mostly older doggies and it broke her heart to lose them.  She had her own little pet cemetery at the back corner of her property where she put all of them and it was sweet to walk past it, so whatever brings you comfort is what is right.  There just aren't words really to describe how lost we ALL are at losing these precious little souls.

Thank you for contacting me.  I really DO appreciate it more than you can know.
janice
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DaniC
To Molly's Mom-

Thank you for sharing the picture and story of Molly's hedgehog and chew bone. So so very sweet. It made me smile :)

I said goodbye to my black lab/Shepard mix on Sep. 1st and six weeks later I adopted my 10-yr old Beagle/Dachschund mix. I may be delaying the very depth of my grief, but I absolutely knew I could not survive the dark void that was left when she died. I'm so blessed and grateful to have found my new sweet friend. Truth is she found me. One does not replace the other but rather adds to the love in my heart.

Much love and strength to everyone here. I'm sorry that we've all become members of a club no one wanted to join, but so grateful we have each other for undying support.
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Beaglemomma
Thank you, you made me smile---------something that doesn't happen these days.  I have said those very words many times since I found the Bridge-----"a club no one wants to join"----but here we are.

I now the reports differ about getting another pet soon and there is certainly no right or wrong on that issue.  Whatever works.  My problem with that is that we are so old now that it is likely that a new pet would outlive us and we have no one to care for them after we too are gone.  Adopting an older pet can bring its own problems and we are not in a place to meet those needs, financially or physically.  Like being stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Soon your love for your new family member will be enough and in the meantime you just might get a smile or two as well.  Wishing you well with your new baby.
janice
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sbsad
Janice,

What about adopting an older dog? On our local beagle rescue I've seen lots of sweet looking 8 or 9 year olds -- they still have several years left, but will be less energetic and puppyish. What a lovely thing to do also for an older dog that probably a lot of people don't want -- I'm even one of those people that probably wouldn't adopt an older dog -- I wouldn't mind the personality of an older dog, but we have a young family and I don't want to set us up for another death in a few years.

I will say, that even just thinking about getting another dog and looking through rescue websites helped me when I was really grieving, even though we didn't end up getting a new dog (we still have our other beagle).

Hoping you are feeling a little better.

Steph
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Beaglemomma
We have certainly thought about that and it is no doubt a wonderful thing to do but older animals come with problems just as older humans do.  We wouldn't have the financial ability to care properly for an older dog with all the health issues it would most probably have and then the inevitable heartbreak to follow.  Just the thought of going through this again------I don't have it in me at this age.  Thanks for the thought though I know you are only trying to help.
janice
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ahartofilis
Hello Janice,
         I loved reading about your Molly tonight. She so obviously meant the world to you. I offer you my deepest felt condolences for her loss. Her picture against the leaves is beautiful. I also saw the other pictures you posted of her and she is so adorable. You would never know she had one unhealthy day in her life Janice. She looks so content and happy in every picture.
        I especially enjoyed the story about her little toys and how she would arrange them. It seems that she had a job to do with taking special care of her toy's, it is very endearing to me. As you wrote, these are the things that you will be able to smile about.
        I lost my special girl Coco, a labmix, to bone cancer 13 month's ago on Dec 7th. I read your thoughts and it brings me back to those early day's of absolute raw grief. I had so many low day's and tears, and more tears. I had no idea that her loss would affect me the way that it did. At some point I remember thinking that I may as well get comfortable with my grief and just let it sit for a while. It is not easy to feel so sad and disconnected when the world carries on and so must we. Yet I suppose that at my age, 56, a part of me isn't overly concerned with what perceptions are to any one else, I owed it to myself to feel what I had to, and I did.
         Here I am a year later and I wouldn't change a thing. The years that I had with Coco were like no other. She gave me something very special. She was the reason for so many positive things in my life. She gave me courage, strength, love. She continues to give me those things in so many ways. I think that Molly was such a special soul to you. The beauty and light that she brought into your life will find a way to shine on you.
        It is so hard to see the light when we are in a haze of tears, and heavy grief, missing our companions so much that it breaks your heart each and everyday. Yet time does have a way of easing those terrible feelings that keep us so low. If anything I just want to give you hope tonight, hope that one day your clouds will start to part and your dear girl Molly will come through to you and you will see her as happy, healthy and content. I truly do believe that all of our furbabies are this way at the Rainbow Bridge now.
              The love we shared with them never dies Janice. It will be what keeps us connected to them forever! Please take care of yourself. Molly is absolutely beautiful and was, always will be very loved by you.................Sincerely, Andrea, Coco and Vadie's Mom.
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Beaglemomma
Thank you Andrea for taking the time to write such a lovely and heartfelt post.  I do remember when my Dad passed that I was shocked that the world just kept on turning when mine had STOPPED.  It is much the same now with Molly.  Seems if you are famous the world takes notice but not for those who have the courage to live wonderful lives and raise families etc.  Obviously, that isn't possible, but that is how I felt at the time.  Now with Molly I see pet owners with their babies and I am ashamed to say I envy them.  There wasn't a choice really to be made with Molly, her condition was beyond recovery, but that didn't make it any easier, since they said her heart and lungs were still good and she could walk just fine.  I didn't know of course till that last Vet visit that she was blind and that is why she was so disoriented.  I just need to get that last visit out of my head somehow.  It blindsides me when I least expect it. Her scream still haunts my dreams as well.
janice
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