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Bigcatsdad

My big black cat,

It’s been four and a half months since we had to part ways. I still miss you so much every day. You meant so much to me and my life hasn’t been and will never be the same. The days are not the same, the nights are not the same, leaving the house and coming home again are just not the same. I’ve come to terms and accepted why we had to say goodbye but I still feel so bad and would do anything just for one last day with you. Chloe misses you too and still looks for you around the house. She still curls up with your urn on your favorite blanket, which I haven’t moved or washed, for a cat nap quite often. I miss your big gold eyes, I miss your purrs, and I miss all the different little meows you used to make. You used to come and see me off when I left the house, you used to sit and watch me get ready, I would always give you a pet and scratch and you always used to sit up a little taller and press your head into my hand. I miss that too. When you used to jump up and get a drink from your water glass you used to pop out one claw, just flick the glass a little so you could see the level of the water before you drank. I really miss the little ting ting sound it used to make. You use to love the heat, whether you were stretched out in front of the fire place or stretched out in the morning or afternoon sun for one of your cat naps. I still look and expect to see you there but you are gone. When you used to come up to get me out of bed some mornings you would jump up and walk across the pillows and your big tail would brush across the two metal pictures above the bed. I miss the swish sound that made too. You still come to me in my dreams once in a while, I think you stop in just to let me know you are there and to see if I’m OK. I am but I’m not. I still miss you so much, and I always will with all my heart. It’s slowly starting to heal but it will never be the same. Big Guy.jpg  Best Buds 2.jpg 

Bigcatsdad
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Michelemh
So sorry. I know how you feel.

Michele
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Memories_of_Marmalade
Your words resonate with me as well Bigcatsdad.

Thank your for sharing your thoughts with us.

Kind regards,
James
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Buddy_Mama
I’m right there with you, Jeff. Even as weeks have turned into months, life is just not the same, and everything feels so empty without my big black loving boy by my side. All the memories of his little habits, his little quirks, things I maybe took for granted, things I never assumed would be gone so quickly, forever... they bring me to tears and make my grief and sadness so acute.

I bring the box with Buddy’s ashes into the bedroom with us at night, and out to the living room every morning, placing him in one of his favorite napping spots. I got this idea from you; thank you. 😊

I love the photos you posted of your beautiful Albert. As we’ve noted before, I can only hope that Albert and Buddy are hanging out together, running and playing, maybe even raising a little hell as they wait for us to join them some day.

Please hang in there, and I will try to do that too. The only comfort I feel most of the time is knowing I’m not alone in my pain and grief. #blackcatsrule
Cindy (Buddy’s mama)
My baby Buddy 5/4/10-3/7/20, rescued March 2011
My sweet Mandy 11/27/91-11/2/10, rescued November 1992
My beautiful Barney 4/28/73-9/7/92, adopted May 1973
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Bigcatsdad
Thank you all for your kind words.
I haven't posted for a while, I needed a little time to clear my head and grieve a little more. I've replied back to many posts and some have the almost identical story as mine, it saddens me that others are going through the same dark experience and brings back some of my grief even though it feels good to offer support and some kind words to those who have just started their journey of grief. I was transferring files from one of my older computers to a new one and found a whole bunch of pictures of Albert. That was a bad day, lots of tears.
Cindy, I know exactly how you feel, I was doing OK, I accepted and came to terms with why I  had to say goodbye to Albert and what happened but even now with almost 5 months gone bye I miss him so much, my life is just not the same without my big black cat at my side. I thought I was over the worst of the grief, and I think the worst has passed but I have some days when I close my eyes and re-live that trip to the vet and letting Albert go and that last goodbye and it all comes back and it just breaks my heart. I don't cry as much but i still cry. We still have Chloe, shes a little sweet heart and she really wants more attention now but I think she is actually still grieving Albert's passing as well, they are so much like us. But, Albert was my best bud, I really miss him, now more than ever.
If I know Albert he has found Buddy and they have probably found the most comfy spots for cat naps in the afternoon sun and as you said probably hanging out, having fun and lazy cat days and raising a little hell once in a while.
It's nice to know that so many others are feeling the pain just as I am.
-Jeff
Bigcatsdad
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