Oh, how I understand the pain, grief and sadness you are feeling right now. I just put my baby down after 15+ years of us together. It sounds like you had the same kind of relationship with your baby girl, Billie-Cat. The first few days are the worst. I went through multiple boxes of tissue, bathroom tissue, sleeves....you name it. I hurt so bad that I physically made myself ill. I cried....I paced the floor....I even got so angry I hit my other dog. (which I apologized to her about) I so understand the emptiness you are feeling.....the void in your heart and house. When you look at her favorite spots, when you see her bed, dish, toys, blanket....all of it....it hurts so badly. I'm at day six now. Tomorrow will be the one week anniversary of finding him on the floor after our other dog attacked him. I rushed him to the emergency vet and they could have saved him....but he would not have been happy. It would have been misery for him. But selfishly...I wanted him with me and I still do. I head knew the right thing to do.....but my heart was screaming otherwise. It was so difficult to make the decision to let him go. How did I get through this past week. I cried....a lot. I still do, but not as much. I screamed....I hugged my husband...I stopped eating....I wasn't sleeping...I called my sister a million times (as she had been through this with her dog) and begged her to tell me it will get better....that the pain will go away. I let my feelings out.....I let myself grieve.....and I'm still doing that. Shellie...I'm here to tell you.....let yourself grieve. Allow yourself to miss her, talk to her and tell her your feelings, cry, talk to other pet owners, do what you need to do. Then, you will find that the crying spells don't last quite as long and you begin to think "I can do this". Just let yourself grieve and work through your feelings. It will get better. Little by little. I also felt guilt and I even was second-guessing myself to the point that I went to his vet to talk about what "might have happened if". She explained all of his health issues and what surgery and blindness would have done to him. Yes, I could have done things differently, but he didn't deserve that....not for my sake. I did what was best for his sake.....just as you did what was best for your baby. You loved her enough to free her....to heal her....to let her go......just until you meet again. And you will meet her again! My heart goes out to you Shellie. It really does. Please know that you are not alone in your feelings. All of us here are either going through or have been through letting our babies go. The pain and hurt is still so fresh for me....but I can see now that it will get better. Shellie...it will get better. The pain lessens, the tears are fewer, but you will always hold her love and your love in your heart forever. Many blessings to you and your husband! You both were great parents and Billie-Cat was so very lucky to have you both! Be well! Chipper's Mom
Momma's Chipper Boy (9/19/95 - 1/30/11) My heart, my love, my buddy! I miss you and love you so, so much! I can't wait to see you at the bridge! Love, Mommy Lady "Ladybugs" (8/2/03 - 6/5/17) My sweet girl. Thanks for the walks, playtime, sock collection, boo boo kisses and love you gave all of us. We will miss you dearly! Until we meet again...we love you!