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Millie18

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Reply with quote  #16 
What an adorable pup! It hurts so much because you love him.

I understand that feeling of panic that sets in that he won't be with you for as long as you had hoped. It's a gutwrenching feeling. I go between feeling complete denial that this couldn't happen to us and then to complete panic that I was going to lose my girl so much sooner than I had imagined. There's nothing at all wrong with you at all. You love your pup and don't want to lose him. 

I'm so so sorry that you are now having to go through this. I'm thinking about you today wondering what fun you have planned for him. I know it will be hard for you to try to keep it together somewhat, just don't let evil cancer take away any of your good times too.

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Diana

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Millie18

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Reply with quote  #17 
Peteyd,

I understand. It's very hard to watch and it's even harder to decide the right time to let them go. He's still that handsome boy on the inside. 

I had 2 false alarm euthanasia appointments. My vet came to my house both times, but Millie looked at me and jumped at me telling me she wasn't ready, so I had to respect it.

For over 2 weeks I lived in a total state of anxiety stressing over when and how would I know when the right time came. I knew that if I did it too early before she was ready it would haunt me for the rest of my life, if I did it too late it would haunt me that I let her suffer.

It became clear when I could tell she was done fighting and didn't cling to me anymore. I knew that morning I had to let her go. The vet came and agreed and she went very peacefully.
It's one of the hardest decisions we have to make.

I hope you have a good veterinary time that you can trust. Sending you hugs and hoping you'll be able to have some quality time with your pup this weekend



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Diana

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Peteyd

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Reply with quote  #18 
Elvis had a great weekend. We swam together and he played like a puppy on the beach. We were able to arrange a visit from his best dog buddy a Boston Terrier named Homer. They lived next door to us for Elvis first 4 years and they were inseparable. It was nice to see them together again. He is throwing up and can only tolerate about 3/4 of a cup of home cooked and finely chopped pork and potatoes. I gave him some Salmon which he loved but he threw it up. I also gave him some grass feed beef tenderloin but he threw that up too. He is loosing weight every day and he strains to poop and hardly anything come out. He seems tired. We are talking about calling the Vet to have her come and making an appointment. How to you make an appointment to do this. I am sick to my stomach. I am getting sever panic attacks , I wish he would just fall asleep naturally. I know the time is close, how do I do this, I love him so much. I am sad beyond words.
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Millie18

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Reply with quote  #19 
I'm so happy you had a great weekend. You will cherish those moments forever.

Regarding the vomiting. Is he able to keep water down?  I ended up liquifying all of Millie's food because her system was unable to digest the large bites and that worked much better. I also had her put on meds to stop the vomiting to allow the food to get down. The meds kicked in immediately and combined with liquified food she was able to keep everything down.

I'm sorry that you are needing to make that heartbreaking decision. I know it feels impossible. It goes against our hearts. The panic attacks are very understandable, the sickening feeling as well. I lived in a state of pure anxiety during Millie's last 2 weeks trying to figure out what to do next. It is an excruciatingly difficult decision to make.

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. I'll be thinking about you and Elvis



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Diana

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Peteyd

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Reply with quote  #20 
We have decided to call the Vet tomorrow. My heart is in pieces.
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Peteyd
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Millie18

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Reply with quote  #21 
I understand. It's incredibly painful. Just enjoy every last kiss and touch right now until the moment comes when you need to let him go. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this.
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Diana

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Blue_Laura

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Reply with quote  #22 
My heart is breaking for you.  Elvis is stunning in the pics you posted.  That body and that smile are amazing. 

I had to let Blue go exactly one week after his diagnosis.  He was not able to keep food down either.  He was on Cerenia pills to prevent vomiting, but that stopped working.  I had taken him in the day before to get a Cerenia injection, but that did not work either.  I made the decision the next day when he would not get up that morning.  GI lymphoma in the small intestine can be fatal very quickly.  Without the prednisone, it can double in size rapidly. 

You do it out of your selfless love for him.  Is he going to get better?  No.  You do it to spare him the worst of what is to come.  Does it shatter you?  Absolutely.

Would you experience life with him all over again if you knew this was the way it would end?  Yes.

We are here to support you through this.  I found the rainbow bridge forum afterwards when I was searching the net looking for answers.  It truly helped me deal with everything.  

I will be thinking of you and Elvis.

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Millie18

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Reply with quote  #23 
Blue_Laura put it so succinctly.

Unfortunately, with lymphoma their bodies deteriorate so quickly. I believe mine had the GI version as well. This will be one of the hardest decisions you will be making, but As Blue_Laura stated below we do it for their sake. We are the ones to take on the pain when they're gone so they don't have to anymore.


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You do it out of your selfless love for him.  Is he going to get better?  No.  You do it to spare him the worst of what is to come.  Does it shatter you?  Absolutely.






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Diana

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Peteyd

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Reply with quote  #24 
My wife is calling the Vet today. We are trying to decide when to do this, do I have her come as soon as she can or do I make it for Friday? How the hell am I supposed to pick a day? The more I read, the more I understand that the choice is ours. I kept telling myself I will know. Maybe he won’t get his ball when I come home. Maybe he won’t get up . Maybe he won’t eat. Maybe he will continue to do theses things up until his last breath because he is a stoic Pit Bull . They say I will know, but I question myself. He has lost all of his beautiful muscles. He lost 3 pounds in a week that is why I decided to call and stop this. I can’t bear to see him waste , but he is still my beautiful boy so I look past it. I see him for the loving soul that he is and I say who cares if he lost weight. He doesn’t seem to be in distress. He is a little weak though. It is ripping me apart. I am conflicted. I am lost. I don’t want to go to work and deal with life. I am lost. I keep reaching out and writing but it still is here, everyday. It is right here in front of me and I hate it. I am angry. He doesn’t deserve this. He is beautiful in every way. I am lost. I don’t want to see him suffer at all. I am tired. I do not sleep more than 2 hours at a time. The time is close either way. My heart is so heavy. I am lost. I need help but nobody can help me. I love him so much. I can’t wait to get home and kiss his face and smell him. I do not want to let him go. I am so lost, God help me please.
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Peteyd
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Molly24

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Reply with quote  #25 
Peteyd my heart is breaking for you. I just went through the same thing with my kitty. I lost her a little over a week ago. She was diagnosed with lymphoma in January. I chose the route of chemo. It’s not supposed to be so hard on cats. It did get it into remission but I couldn’t finish the full course because it was making her sick and I couldn’t do that to her. I tried tried alternative medicines as well. She had some extra time but it unfortunately came to an end. These awful things happen to our babies and it is so hard for us to face. I maybe could have hospitalized her for more time but I felt like she was dying and the best thing I could do for her was to let her go peacefully in my arms. It was time. I am still in so much pain but I am starting to accept that it was the best thing for her. I never would have been ready. This forum has been one of the few things helping me through. We are all here for you. Sending love and prayers you way ❤️ P.S. your baby is beautiful!
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Millie18

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Reply with quote  #26 
Peteyd,

I feel for you. I went through the same process. There is no easy way to make that decision. It's horrific and the most excruciating pain that I had to face as well. It's hard to know. The responsibility will always fall on us the guardian. On the one hand we don't want them to suffer, on the other hand we don't want them to leave us.

There is no painless solution. It will hurt like bloody hell. I'm so sorry and am praying for you that you will at least find some peace. Elvis is a beautiful boy. He'll always be a beautiful boy regardless of what his sick body looks like now. Sending strength 

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Diana

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Millie18

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Reply with quote  #27 
 My heart breaks knowing what you are facing. Thinking about you and Elvis tonight.
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Diana

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Peteyd

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Reply with quote  #28 
We made the decision to euthanize Elvis on this Friday. I looked up. The word Euthanasia and it means “ good death” I pray to God that is what I am giving him. I know that I can not bear to see him loose anymore weight. He was a perfect specimen as a young dog. Beautiful and full of life. His body and coat were strong and silky . I do not want him to continue on this downward spiral. I love him so much that I can look past his brittle coat and wasting body, but it is not fair to him. He can still walk outside and up the stairs in our house, but I can see that its getting hard. He is getting some fluid on his abdomen and small activity makes him out of breath. I know that I can keep him another week or maybe even two, but it will be at a cost that I am not willing to pay. I owe it to him to let him go with some dignity. He is still proud. He barks at me when I come home as if to say “ I’ve been waiting for you” and gets his ball sometimes to just bring it to me then immediately lie down. There’s a part of me that want to keep kissing him and smelling him at any cost. There is another part of me that wants to remember him yelling at me and walking upstairs at night on his own. I owe it to him. It’s the hardest decision I have ever made, but I know he is too proud to lie down. Too proud to require assistance. He is the most stoic creature.He walked for 11 years with his chest out and tail held high. I will not be selfish. He is not. I can not be selfish. I am devestated. It takes my breathe away. I walk around in a dream state. Is this really happening? I want more time with him. I just want to know that he is there, on his bed while we watch TV. I do not want him to leave me. I will miss him tremendously. I do not want him to go. He is my best friend. I love my Elvis. I will cry and yell and scream in my car and at work so that when I come home I can enjoy him and feed him tenderloin and ice cream and love him and cuddle with him and breathe in his beautiful secent . I will make the best of the few days that I have and I will not be selfish. He is not. I will show him how much I love him like he has shown me. I will honor him and be respectful of his dignity. It will come at a cost, everything does. I will be shattered when he leaves me. I will honor him with this . He has honored me his whole life. It is my turn. I love you Elvis . I love you with all of my heart. All of me.
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Millie18

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Reply with quote  #29 
So beautifully said. Honor your wonderful boy with that strong soul.

It is a horrible feeling to have these few days left knowing the end is near. But you are doing right by him to not let him spiral down any further below his dignity threshold. The fluid fills up in their bellies and does make it hard for them to breath. The fact that he can even make it up the stairs is a good sign (relatively speaking). Stuff him with steak and ice cream until he doesn't want anymore. 

Yes, it's surreal, like it can't be happening to you, that you are stuck in this endless nightmare and just want to wake up and return to your old routine world where all was well. I was in shock for several weeks, because my brain couldn't grasp how Millie became visibly sick overnight and within 2 weeks would be gone. I still don't understand it really. 

Scream, punch things, cry, whatever you can to get out that feeling of death approaching so you can get on with enjoying every last second with your Elvis. You will be so glad you did. Keep some of his fur, make a clay paw print, do whatever you can now that might give you small comfort later. I never thought a clay foot print or sand from the beach we went to could have so much meaning and give me some peace until I was left with an empty house. All of those small things become godsends.

I'll be thinking about you and your boy Elvis all week and wish you some happy moments amidst the devastation.

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Diana

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Blue_Laura

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Reply with quote  #30 

Petey,

What a beautiful and heart wrenching post.  I was in tears when I read it. Your unconditional love for Elvis and his for you shines through.

That is the kindest way to honor him at this stage.  You cannot control what is happening, but you can control the way he transitions.  Dying from cancer is painful and you are not going to let your best friend suffer.

Like Millie, I will be thinking of you as well.

Laura
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