Peteyd Show full post »
Peteyd
325 days today. When I’m in the back yard, I still long for you to be there. It feels like thee is something missing. We dog sat this weekend, there have been a few dogs in the yard this summer. It’s not t same. Sometimes I see you shine through in them. It’s odd. I miss you a lot again buddy. It comes in waves. The bone you hurried so completely is still there. I check once and a while to make sure. We are getting the bedroom painted in a few weeks and decided to put your bed away. Your bowls are still out, the dogs we sit for use them. You other bed is still out in the family room, I think we are putting that one away too. It’s fast approaching a year. It was an odd year Elvis. I miss you . Mom does too, a lot lately. We miss you in the yard l the change os seasons is hardest and like I dreaded the summer, the fall will be worse. It was “our” season. We hiked a lot you and I . Mostly in September and October. I have the fall leaves tattooed around your portrait. I’m so glad that I did that. Mom loves to look at it too. It’s nice to see you staring back when I look in the mirror, well I rambling now. Just wanted to tell you I love you and miss you buddy. I’m having a hard time again. Wish you were here. 🐾❤️
Peteyd
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Blue_Laura
Hi Petey,

I wanted to drop in and say hello as well.  I still think of you and Elvis.  You two are a favorite love story of mine.  Reading about your adventures and seeing the pictures of you two, it is amazing and beautiful to me, the love between you and Elvis.

Take care,
Laura
 
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155
Hi Peteyd

I oftentime wonder how you are coming along.
I too , think about you and your beautiful Elvis and how much love you had for each other.
Time continues to pass but our hearts remain broken. Like yourself , I dread the start of each new season. With summer, winter, spring and fall there come vivid memories of times we shared with our dear wonderful babies. It is very difficult and very sad but we have to focus on knowing that they are at peace now and that we will be with them once again when our time comes around.
I'm completely positive they are running and playing and having a grand old time while they wait for us😄

Do take care

Carol (Henry's Mom)
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Millie18
Hi Peteyd,

I've been thinking about you wondering how you were. Wondering whether you were working on the house in order to move away from all of the Elvis memories, painful, yet happy too. I was wondering whether some of the wounds have closed a bit.

I just passed my one year mark this week that I was dreading so much, but it came and went. I could still break down next week or next year, there's no rhyme or reason when the grief bubbles over. I have left the bed in the living room and the bowls and feeding stand in the kitchen. They are currently overflowing with lemons from my trees. They will stay even if I don't get another dog. I still consider my house a dog house until whenever.

I hope you and your wife are at least able to enjoy some of the dog sitting you have been doing. You have started to put some of Elvis' things away now. That didn't seem possible for you a few months ago. I know the fall is the hardest season. The 2 of you were constantly outdoors. That is so difficult to overcome. Having his bones buried in the back yard can still bring comfort knowing he's still in that backyard.

Anyway, just thinking about you and sending you and your wife strength to make it through the summer

Capture2.png 
Diana

Mom to Millie, Roman, Snoopy & step sister to O'Boy
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Ronnie
I just lost my precious feline boy 2 weeks ago, and it aches so bad I can't stand it. I hope it gets better in time, but I can see by others' replies that it never goes away. He was not the first feline I had, but he was the most special and close to me, head and shoulders above all others. I want to just hold him right now and bury my nose in his neck and make him purr away. Our relationship was deep, and I understand exactly how you feel. I hope in time there is only good memories and less pain...my precious Talyn was only 11 years old, and his condition spiraled so quickly. he seemed fine when he trotted in that morning, and 12hrs later he was gone! I'm blown away. A piece of my soul has been taken from me. I see for you it's almost been a year and you still feel like it was yesterday...I also created a memorial for my special boy. I wish us all good memories..

Ronnie
Ronnie A
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155
Hi Ronnie,
I am so deeply sorry to hear that you lost your precious Talyn.
I lost my beautiful kitty Henry at 11 years old also. I always figured he might be around another 3 or 4 years at least. He passed away of cancer two months after his diagnosis. That doesn't mean that when I received the diagnosis I wasn't in total shock because I was. Shock and devastation.
It's been almost 7 months since his passing but it still seems pretty surreal.
I know exactly how you feel as does everyone in this forum and we all have a connection in our grief and despair. Please post as much as you need and want because it really can be very helpful. The people here are so wonderful and caring.
Take care of yourself and little by little the raw pain you are feeling right now will lessen. I know it seems hard to believe but it truly will .
Once again I am so very sorry for your loss.

Carol



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Peteyd
Thank you all for you kind words and understanding hearts . For me it has been a process and Laura told me early on what I have found to be so true: The most difficult part is aligning the head with the heart. My heart still aches, but I no longer lose my breath. I would literally feel like I was suffocating. The pain was so sharp early on.. I cried all the time and felt like a part of me was missing. Empty, alone, depressed, angry, hopeless. My emotions would overwhelm me. I would sometimes feel guilty. Could I have done more? Should I have done more? It’s never enough. It would never be enough. If he lived for a hundred years , it would not be long enough. I love him with all of me. Completely. He was mine. I was his. My Elvis.
When he was young his hearing was so acute , he would jump up off of his bed and go to the door wagging his tail and start to bark when I was still almost 2 blocks away! I drove a Diesel engine car and they have a different sound than a regular car. At first my wife couldn’t understand how he knew because he would be up in front of that door a good 4 minutes before I would pull into the driveway. Amazing. He was amazing. He was eager to learn as a pup. Eyes wide , looking, waiting, wanting to please. He would get such joy pleasing me. I swear, he would light up with a simple “good boy” and if I said it excitedly because he just learned something new, he would lose his mind! He would jump up and inadvertently smash his huge cinder block of a head into mine attempting to lick my face. He was a character. So different. Quirky. Funny. Sweet. Goofy. Brave. Strong. Handsome. Loving. Sensitive. So sensitive. If my wife and I would argue he would get up and physically stand between us. Sometimes he would just go to whoever was angrier and push that big Block head against you. He was the peace keeper. He was my friend. My Elvis. I miss him a lot again. I am dreading the fall. It was our favorite. It is hard again for me. I miss you buddy. I feel lost again. I keep my heart open and do my best to “listen” for you. I pray that you will touch me someday. Somehow. In my heart. I will wait. Forever. 🐾❤️
Peteyd
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Peteyd
Thank you all for you kind words and understanding hearts . For me it has been a process and Laura told me early on what I have found to be so true: The most difficult part is aligning the head with the heart. My heart still aches, but I no longer lose my breath. I would literally feel like I was suffocating. The pain was so sharp early on.. I cried all the time and felt like a part of me was missing. Empty, alone, depressed, angry, hopeless. My emotions would overwhelm me. I would sometimes feel guilty. Could I have done more? Should I have done more? It’s never enough. It would never be enough. If he lived for a hundred years , it would not be long enough. I love him with all of me. Completely. He was mine. I was his. My Elvis.
When he was young his hearing was so acute , he would jump up off of his bed and go to the door wagging his tail and start to bark when I was still almost 2 blocks away! I drove a Diesel engine car and they have a different sound than a regular car. At first my wife couldn’t understand how he knew because he would be up in front of that door a good 4 minutes before I would pull into the driveway. Amazing. He was amazing. He was eager to learn as a pup. Eyes wide , looking, waiting, wanting to please. He would get such joy pleasing me. I swear, he would light up with a simple “good boy” and if I said it excitedly because he just learned something new, he would lose his mind! He would jump up and inadvertently smash his huge cinder block of a head into mine attempting to lick my face. He was a character. So different. Quirky. Funny. Sweet. Goofy. Brave. Strong. Handsome. Loving. Sensitive. So sensitive. If my wife and I would argue he would get up and physically stand between us. Sometimes he would just go to whoever was angrier and push that big Block head against you. He was the peace keeper. He was my friend. My Elvis. I miss him a lot again. I am dreading the fall. It was our favorite. It is hard again for me. I miss you buddy. I feel lost again. I keep my heart open and do my best to “listen” for you. I pray that you will touch me someday. Somehow. In my heart. I will wait. Forever. 🐾❤️
Peteyd
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Tankie12
Hi Pete
I’ve held off responding to your posts, searching for the right words but only coming up blank. I know the grief is different after almost a year. Looking back at the months when we felt death was better than the pain, still can’t deny that one, but something made us mindlessly keep going. As the quote goes * It doesn’t get better, it gets different” Somedays the ride home still puts a knot in my stomach and brings tears to the surface and some days I’m just mad as hell about the injustice. Time becomes a word with little meaning because in a heartbeat it can be brought back and we feel wasn’t it just yesterday this yard was his/hers? ‘
Aww the bone, tangible proof of Elvis leaving his first sign Pete. It wasn’t a coincidence, that was for you❣️🐾❣️ The amazing tat that stares back at you in the mirror, the fall leaves surrounding your hiking bud, he’ll be with you on those walks if you go. On you as well as running ahead to one of his ponds, creeks or lakes which he loves so much.
Blue Laura as you said is right. The heart and mind work in two very different manners. When mine align I’ll let you know. I think mourning is our debt that we can never reconcile because we shared a love that has no equal or greater value. We are forever indebted to them, it just is what it is,
Wishing for you many signs from your magnificent soulmate, Elvis,,,,,
Lynn, Tankie’s mom, forever
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Peteyd
Thank you Lynn,
I am going through a rough patch again. Your words are so true. It doesn’t get better, it gets different. Sometimes I feel as if he is still here, I forget, even after so much time. I pulled into the garage the other day and for a split second, I thought he would be there , tail wagging, barking, waiting. I don’t know why , I imagine this journey is different for everyone yet the same. The pain can cut into your heart and steal your breath sometimes. Thank God it is not so sharp most times. It has eased a bit, but I still have my moments. My wife reminds me of how good I was to him and I can find comfort in that. She tells me how much he loved me and that she has never witnessed love in that way, so beautiful. I like to believe it. I hope that it is true. In a million years I could not do enough for him. It would never be enough, that’s the ironic part. I need to have more acceptance I suppose. I am grateful for this place. Somewhere I can go and be understood. I hope that you are doing well. I know that I’m not the only one who suffers. I wish I had some answers,. Time. Love

Be well,
Pete🐾❤️
Peteyd
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Peteyd
Thank you Lynn,
I am going through a rough patch again. Your words are so true. It doesn’t get better, it gets different. Sometimes I feel as if he is still here, I forget, even after so much time. I pulled into the garage the other day and for a split second, I thought he would be there , tail wagging, barking, waiting. I don’t know why , I imagine this journey is different for everyone yet the same. The pain can cut into your heart and steal your breath sometimes. Thank God it is not so sharp most times. It has eased a bit, but I still have my moments. My wife reminds me of how good I was to him and I can find comfort in that. She tells me how much he loved me and that she has never witnessed love in that way, so beautiful. I like to believe it. I hope that it is true. In a million years I could not do enough for him. It would never be enough, that’s the ironic part. I need to have more acceptance I suppose. I am grateful for this place. Somewhere I can go and be understood. I hope that you are doing well. I know that I’m not the only one who suffers. I wish I had some answers,. Time. Love

Be well,
Pete🐾❤️
Peteyd
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Leo_Mommy
Ah Pete, I can’t even see my phone for all my tears. Your pain is my pain. Your words are my words. My soulmate, Leo, passed from this world in my arms 23 days ago. I think I was in shock at first and didn’t accept it was real. I couldn’t let him go. I still can’t let him go. So many times, Pete, I feel Leo and almost KNOW that he’ll reappear. Then, my whole being is crushed when I realize that I’m half-crazy now and it isn’t possible. But it feels so real. If I could just find a way. Figure out a solution to why he got sick or why he died I could bring him back somehow. And I’m an RN, btw! What’s wrong with me?! The grief is absolutely unbearable. I know better than to have thoughts like this. I pronounce patients deceased. I know death. But I CANNOT accept that my Leo is gone. It hurts so bad. I can barely function and it gets harder each day. If I could just hold Leo. Just touch his beautiful black hair again and have him throw himself on my head like he always did when he tried to get me to sleep after a long shift at work. I’d give my life for him, with no regrets. If I could give 20 years of my life to have Leo back I’d do it in a heartbeat with a smile on my face. I know you feel the same way about your Elvis. Laura, Ronnie, Lynn- they understand. Your wife, Pete, she is worth more than rubies. She understands. There are no words. You will never get over Elvis just like I will never get over my Leo. God, the pain is so intense sometimes and completely suffocating. I awake holding my breath with pain in my chest and dream of looking for Leo everywhere only to never find him. It is cruel torture. You know this. I am sorry you lost your soulmate. I can’t pray anymore, but I will try to pray for you and all of these angels on this site who share our exact pain. They do, Pete. Although it feels like no one could possibly know the depth and pain of our losses they do. God bless you all through this life.
Soulmatesfurever14
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Peteyd

526 days since I touched you.

A year and a half has passed. You have been touching my heart lately. Again. I feel your presence. I’m glad the holidays are over. The seasons change. Time is passing. We speak about you to anyone who brings up the topic of have a pet. Loving an animal. Caring for soul that loves you back unconditionally. The bond is so unique. I took it for granted. I knew it would end someday. Everything does.i read some of the post, including mine about no being prepared. Emotionally. You can’t prepare for such loss. It cuts like a knife. I steals your breath. You can’t prepare. Time passes, the sharpness dulls a bit. It comes in waves. Washes over you. Your life has changed. Life’s always changing, usually just don’t notice because it happens slowly. LIke aging. The process is slow enough to barely notice. I miss you Elvis. I miss our hikes . I miss our walks. I miss the smell of your beautiful coat. I miss petting you and massaging you in front of the fireplace. I miss your kisses. I miss you Elvis. Mom watches a few dogs here and there. I see you in all of them. None of them compare, but I see you shine through. I must sound like a nut job. I’m still grieving. I still cry. I have learned to live without you, but I don’t like you not being around. I love you and hope that your spirit lives on. In the dogs I see, in the ones we watch. In the yard. In our house. In the woods. By the lake. I hope that you are running free. Like the wind. I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. You are near. In my heart. Forever.

Love-Love 🐾❤️

Peteyd
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Tankie12

No Pete, you don’t sound like a nut job and you’re not. This moon makes 28 since I’ve touched my girl, Tankie. She’s never far from my mind and I still have those wailing in the shower days. No one expects a Mother or Father to recover from the loss of their child and for me there is no difference. 

It’s different for everyone though and I’m glad for the people who’ve been able to look back with nothing but love and joy in their hearts minus the tears.

Like you said life is ever changing and the days keep spreading between life as it was. I have no desire to ever *get over* this and that’s ok too. The ache is the love I can’t physically express anymore and the love is here to stay. She was the single most important reason for my happiness and I’m forever indebted to her, and man what I’d do to have her back.
I love that you’re feeling Elvis’s presence. The big or little signs are like golden lifelines, so cherished and soo needed, hugs, Lynn,,,,,

Lynn, Tankie’s mom, forever
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Millie18
Hi Pete,

I just passed that 1 1/2 year mark as well. It just comes and goes, the memories, the feelings, the comparisons when we are around other dogs. For you, all of the seasons with your outdoor adventures seem like constant reminders of the times you had and the times no can no longer have. It's just so hard to lose a soulmate. I'm glad that you feel Elvis' presence. I'm so happy for you. All we can do is cherish those little moments in time where the happy memories well up replacing the sad ones. Over time I hope that your happy memories push out all of the sad ones.

I miss Millie every day, but I remember our short time with more happiness than pain. My life still hasn't returned to normal. My drive in life is no longer what it was. I was already very introspective, but now especially so.

Even though I'm not ready to take in another dog due to my financial state I would love another pup, but I still need to work on not wanting to find another Millie since that's impossible. I will probably take in a dog that reminds me the least of Mill. 

I hope that life has been treating you well otherwise. I'm assuming you still are living in Elvis' house with all of his treasures left behind in that backyard 💖😁

Sending you strength to maintain the vision to see the good times with your boy.
Many hugs to you.
Diana

Mom to Millie, Roman, Snoopy & step sister to O'Boy
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