cvanduuren
10 Days ago my sweet girl Meisie passed away very suddenly.  I came home only to find her dead on the grass. I haven't been able to cope with this at all.  I have been through hell the past 3 months.  First my girl Mickey injured her leg in December, then my boy Levi had to have a back operation January and now his sister, Meisie is dead.  Levi and Meisie were my very first rescues and had an extra special place in my heart.  I haven't stopped crying in 10 days. Even thinking about her in good times, makes me feel worse.  I am barely holding on.  I cannot cope and this is affecting my life.  I have other beautiful doggies and give them all the love they need.  But, I just feel so dead and utterly devestated.  If I didn't have my other doggies, I most probably would have taken my own life.  I lost faith and hope. I feel empty / I feel dead. 
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angeltaz26
It is really heartbreaking to lose our babies. Please don't lose hope. We can always rely on our friends and family to make us feel better.
I also find this site wonderful as I find people here with the same experience as I am and they are eager to help us to cope up with this sad moment.
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cvanduuren
I wish I could rely on friends and family.  However, they, especially my family have never been there for me.  My family has never cared what happened to me and couldn't be bothered about what I am going through.  I come from an abusive background with my family.  I am basically all alone in this situation.  It is something I need to cope with alone and go through alone.  Which makes it that much harder as I have no one to turn to.
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BonnieJ
I'm so sorry for what you're going through I really am. And I know not having any family support makes it a whole lot worse. My dog was hit by a car today and I feel so empty inside I can't stop crying. I never imagined feeling this way. I truly know how you feel and I hope you find the strength to get through as I hope the same for myself as well
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cvanduuren
Very sorry to hear the sad news Bonnie. It is very difficult.  The "what if" and "why" and the reason you search your head for "if only I did this.." is gutwrenching.  my girl has been gone for a week, but I actually feel worse every day.  It is affecting my work, my personality, basically everything.  I am getting to a point where I can barely function anymore.  I avoid people, purely for the reason they hurt me so much in the present and past. I have heard everything from "be strong", "you will get through this" etc.  But it is very easy for people to say these things, when they are not where we are now.  I try not to  listen to them, I just get more depressed when I hear this.  Where we are currently at is nothing more than hell/heartbreak/sadness/pain/dispear.  Yes, maybe one day we will feel better as time goes on.  But for now I am barely hanging on and taking it minute by minute.

As I do not not have any people in my life, my doggies are my life.  I love them more than I love my family and friends.  To loose my child, Meisie, has ripped me apart.  I most probably would have taken  my own life if I didn't have any other doggies.  I love my kids so much, with all my heart and losing a child is the worst.

I wish I could say all will be fine and keep hope.  But that will only be words and I cannot say something that I barely hold for myself.  

All I can say is I am thinking of you and my heart is breaking with yours 

Lots of love
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BonnieJ
Thank u so much. I'm glad I visited this site now I know that I'm not the only one dealing with this heartbreak. I'm not surrounded by alot of dog lovers so to other people my Izzy was just a dog but to me she was my family my child and I love her dearly. I've been crying since 8:00 this morning literally and I can't stop. I miss her so much already and it hasn't even been a full 24 hours since she died. I don't know how I'm going to get through this just praying for strength for the both of us. I completely understand your pain and hopefully our hearts will heal in time.

Take care of yourself and your other babies.
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Evie123
Oh my poor sweet love, I know how you are feeling. Life seems meaningless, the pain is unbearable and you don't want to go on. We just want to crawl into a dark corner and not come back out. Nothing can help at the moment but coming here does bring some comfort, knowing there are others going through the same grief and who understand the intensity of our suffering. It does affect every part of our being and life. I have not been able to go back to work this week. I have felt panicky at home so go out but then feel anxious to get back to where I feel closer to Molly, then the void gets to me and the cycle starts again. Eating has been force feeding myself and I have had no interest in anything. You are not going mad, well ok maybe we are are in a way with grief, and the pain we are feeling is a testament to our love for our babies. But would you agree that the devotion and love you had for each other was worth it? You've got to hang on to that thought sweetheart, without the love and happiness you shared you wouldn't have this pain now. Huge hugs to you. X
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cvanduuren
Thanks Evie and best wishes and love to you Bonnie.  Bonnie, whenever you are crying, know, that i am crying too, whenever you are sad and depressed, know that I am sad and depressed with you.  I do not now how long this horrible feeling will last.  Dear God!  I wish I didn't have to go through this.

Evie - You are so right.  I just want to crawl in a dark corner and never come out.  I am also force feeding myself as I just do not have an appetite.  The past 2 days I have been feeling extremely numb.  I cannot talk, smile or anything.  Nothing is coming out, yet inside I am screaming and crying.  My heart is pounding, I feel like I am going to explode.  Terrible Stomache and chest pains.  I have no idea of date/time or anything.  All I know it is February. 

Yes, the love I had for Meisie is everything.  The sudden loss is excruciating.  She was my very first rescue and had an extra special place in my heart.  I only had her for 3 years when she suddenly passed away. 

This is also the reason I post on this page.  I have no friends or family who cares a about me or what I am going through.  I have never been important in my family's life and never will be.  I was constantly beaten by my father when I was younger and mentally abused by both my parents.  15 years ago my father grabbed my black and tan dachshund, girl, Candy (just after she had puppies), took her out and shot her in the head right in front of me and threw her on the ground, dead, where he instructed the gardiner to burry her. 

I have had so much loss, pain etc in my life.  That is the reason my babies are my life.  For the first time in my life I was shown love.  Not by a person, but a dog.  I love them more that any person on this earth.

All that has been happening, makes it that much more harder for me to cope with Meisie's death. 
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Evie123
You poor love, you are so brave to have coped with your past and still have so much love to give to your fur babies. That makes you an amazing person, I am full of admiration for you and wish I could do something to help you more. You must be so strong to have dealt with what you have and will find the strength again. Your other dogs are relying on you, so talk to them about Meisie, cry with them and don't expect anything else of yourself other than to just survive at the moment. We all on here care about you because you are such a wonderful and special person to give such devotion and love. X
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DonnaP
I am so sorry to hear about your babies, It hurts so bad yet you are trying to comfort others like me who are also heartbroken over our sweet babies.You will make it through for your boys who still need all the love and care you have given them, they will be there to give you comfort. It has only been 5 days since my Makoa left me and the hole is still wide open and every day is still so hard but I just keep hoping and praying she is happy and can finally run and play again. I have found that each day does get a little easier. I hope you find comfort also in how much we all care for you.

Donna Proctor
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Sampson
I wanted to offer my condolences also and to tell you that you are not alone. My heart is breaking for you right now after reading your posts. (Bonnie and Donna I am sorry for your losses too.) Please come here often as we all understand how very painful it is to lose your "best friend".
So very sorry!
S.
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