jmrlily
Last Monday, 6/5/17, I made the hardest decision ever and had my little girl Lily put down. She had chronic kidney failure and I couldn't let her go on like that. I just can't believe she is gone. There is a hole where my heart used to be. The sofa pillow that was her favorite placed to lay still has a squashed place in it and it still smells like her and I can't stand the thought of fluffing that pillow ever again. Nobody here understands, my husband thinks it's crazy to grieve over a dog like that.

I've owned and lost lots of dogs in my life, and grieved over every one of them, but Lily was different. She and I had a special connection. She was always there when I was upset or crying and would start licking me or just look at me as if to say "It's OK." She was my best friend. I decided to have her creamated, the first time I ever had that done to a dog. I thought if we ever moved, I wouldn't be able to leave her like that. I just went out of town for a few days, thinking I would feel a little better when I got back, but nothing is different. I walk in the house and she's not there, it feels so empty.

I miss you my little girl. I have to stop typing now, crying too hard.




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mydearlady
I am so sorry about your girl.  For every pet that I have been connected to, I have cried for weeks and even months.  I'm 47 now and although I might go for weeks without thinking of my pets during my teen years, when I do think about them it brings tears.

There is nothing wrong or abnormal with grieving this much over a pet.  Each animal is an indescribably beautiful creation though most of the time no one sees it or recognizes it.  When we take an animal as a pet, we begin to see and when they are gone we also recognize the enormous void left behind that can never be filled by any other creature.  Yesterday I had to euthanize our dog Lady.  Yesterday I couldn't do anything but cry.  Today I could get work done but had to take breaks to go and cry.  The world will never be the same, but I do expect that after some weeks I will be learning to live in a world that does not have my Lady in it.  Grieving is different for everyone, some people do stop crying in hours or days, others continue for months or years.

You are not alone, though being with family and friends that do not understand can make it feel that way.  I don't think the pain ever goes away, but you learn to go for longer periods of time without dwelling on it.   At least that's what I've experience before and what I hope will happen for me as well.


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KrystelPykie
jmrlily,

your lily will be watching over you now from above.  This is what i like to think anyway.
Our pets are angels on earth when they are here with us, so i like to think that they remain angels after they leave us.

I am so sorry for your loss and i understand how you are feeling.

I lost my beautiful little bed bug - my soul mate - my inspiration in life my Pykie just over two months ago and it still feels like it was just yesterday.
He too would always be there for me when no one else would, no matter how i looked, what i had done, who left me or what terrible situation i found myself in...my Pykie would always be there for me and comfort me licking my tears away and cuddling me.
I used to say to him everyday for some years "whatever will i do one day when you are gone my beautiful boy?"  I knew as soon as i saw him at 4 weeks old that i loved him, but it was when he got older that i knew i would never be the same after he left me for the Rainbow Bridge one day.
That day has come and i will never be the same without him here to guide me and make me feel that no matter how many people come and go...i will always have the love of my boy who would do anything to be with me...proven time and time again.
It is such a hard road just as i had imagined...harder i think.
But i am glad that i am now suffering in his place!  I am glad that he is no longer in pain, i feel as though i now carry his pain for him.  This is what i had wished for...that i could take his pain from him and endure it myself as this would have been better in my mind.
I would never want for him to live the rest of his life feeling what i feel from losing him...so i guess i am glad that i lost him rather than vice versa.

I hope that finding so many people here that understand and care helps you.
Pykie - My one and only you.
Forever and always yours.
05.02.06 - 05.04.17
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jmrlily
Thank you for your kind replies. I'm so sorry for your losses as well. This forum is a godsend to those whose families/friends don't understand the depth of loss of a beloved furry friend. Grief in isolation from other people is hard to bear. Got a nice sympathy card from the vet on Friday, with a rainbow bridge card inside. I have 2 grown children, and my daughter understands how I'm feeling, but they both live so far away. And I lean on the Lord and trust He is taking care of her until my time comes. I know some people don't believe animals go to heaven, but the scriptures say that God breathed the breath of life into people AND animals, so animals do have souls. And if you know and trust the Lord and His work on the cross, you will see your animal babies again some day.

For some reason I have a hard time forming relationships with people ever since I was a child (I'm now 58), for fear of rejection, I think. And I'm a big introvert as well. Animals became my closest relationships, especially dogs. Always there for you, will never reject or betray you, always love you. My Lily was like that. She always knew when I was upset, even when I was quiet about it she knew and she would try to comfort me in her way. I went in when they put her down and held her head, looked in her eyes as she fell asleep. I was sobbing and she was looking at me as though still trying to comfort me. That's an image I will never forget. 

I remember when I first got her almost 8 years ago, she was skinny, scared and tested heartworm positive. She was not an advanced case, so the vet put her on heartworm prevention and it cured her. She was diagnosed with kidney failure last November, and I had her on a special diet and that worked for awhile but two weeks ago she started throwing up every day so I took her to the vet and her BUN numbers were really high so the vet showed me how to do the fluid therapy to see how that would work. She felt better for a few days and was eating some again, but then went downhill again and threw up her food. Then the day before I took her back she couldn't even keep water down. I knew it was time, and I didn't know how I could possibly do it, so I prayed for the Lord to give me the strength to do it and He helped me.

Lily, my little girl, I love you and I will see you again. I cry and miss you every day.

P.S.: I wanted to post a picture of her, but all the pics I have tried have too many KB. Does anyone know how to fix that?


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mydearlady
For the photos, I'm guessing that most likely you have a photo that is in the same format as when it came directly from the camera.  You have to open the photo in some photo viewer/editor and save it or export it as a JPG or JPEG.   Also reducing the size to around 500 pixels wide (let the software determine the height) will also help.  Look forward to seeing your pictures.
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jeffreyburcham
jmrlily wrote:
Last Monday, 6/5/17, I made the hardest decision ever and had my little girl Lily put down. She had chronic kidney failure and I couldn't let her go on like that. I just can't believe she is gone. There is a hole where my heart used to be. The sofa pillow that was her favorite placed to lay still has a squashed place in it and it still smells like her and I can't stand the thought of fluffing that pillow ever again. Nobody here understands, my husband thinks it's crazy to grieve over a dog like that.

I've owned and lost lots of dogs in my life, and grieved over every one of them, but Lily was different. She and I had a special connection. She was always there when I was upset or crying and would start licking me or just look at me as if to say "It's OK." She was my best friend. I decided to have her creamated, the first time I ever had that done to a dog. I thought if we ever moved, I wouldn't be able to leave her like that. I just went out of town for a few days, thinking I would feel a little better when I got back, but nothing is different. I walk in the house and she's not there, it feels so empty.

I miss you my little girl. I have to stop typing now, crying too hard.






jmrlily, I too recently 6/1/2017, lost my Satin Marie Lab girl and have the EXACT feelings. We've lost other furbabies but Satin Marie was and IS different and I can't really explain it and it makes me even more sad that I wasn't in mourning over the others like I am with her even though I know that's not really true. I too am still crying, 9 days later and I wish it would stop but then I am glad to be crying over my baby girl. 11 years was not long enough but the Cancer won in the end and that sucks. I now I did all I could possibly do but still have guilt over some things and can't get past (totally) the what ifs and woulda shoulda coulda thoughts.

I know I bore some of my friends and even family, pining over a "dog" but she was never just a dog, she was our daughter. I have three males and those are her boys and I have to remember them as well. The pain never goes away and this time, it's especially harder for me. I know my wife is grieving as well but I was with her the entire time she went through the radiation and chemo and all the pills and IV bags for when she got sick and dehydrated early May, although my wife did help with those, took a bit to get the right spot just under the skin and not into actual flesh. lol Satin Marie tolerated it all like the good girl she was and being able to be with her since the start of it all in 2015 gives me great comfort. I know, as her daddy, I was not perfect but I did all I could do for her the entire 11 years she was with us.

Although I have posted her pic in other posts, I would like to share her here. her first and last visit to the puppy day spa.

Satin day spa.jpg 
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jmrlily
jeffreyburcham,  What a sweet, beautiful girl your Satin Marie was, she has the same loving look in her eyes that my girl had. All the other times I lost a dog were really painful and had lots of tears, but all those other times it didn't really cross my mind that I would never get another dog again, after a period of mourning. This time I'm thinking I never want to go through this again, and I have no desire for another dog, that I might have to make the same impossible decision. I guess time will tell. We do have another dog, and I love her, but she is mostly my husbands dog, she has an attachment to him.

Thanks, mydearlady, I will try that and see what I can do.
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