Hi, I don't even know how to begin this. I miss my fur-kids so much it hurts. I got a little dog, I named her Fallon and fell in love with her. She truly was my kid. She was my everything, my navigator when we cruised, my little girl, my short stack, my Pookie Pies. She was a mutt, black and white just like me. We even entered a dog/owner look alike contest in the county fair and won 3rd place, I told them we looked alike cause we were both black and white (I'm of mixed race). I had her for almost 14 years. I guessed her birthday and so this past September was her 14th. I baked her a cake and sang happy birthday to her. I couldn't fathom it would be the last time I would get to do that. many months before her birthday she began to struggle to urinate. She constantly needed out to pee. I took her to 4 different vets and none of them knew what was wrong with her. Then she developed canine cognitive dysfunction. She forgot what side of the door opened, we have lived in the same house for 13 years. She began attacking other pets of mine for no apparent reason. I knew it was getting bad when once, only once, she went after me. She was the sweetest dog ever so that really shocked me and made me so sad. She would walk in circles and get stuck under tables. I asked the vet if there was medication for this and it was expensive and something that had to be ordered. I said lets do it.

The later that very week I came home from work, it was Thursday. Fallon kept getting stuck in corners, under tables, ad her head was down. She couldn't sit still. At one point she did sit down but the second she stood up she peed herself. She had never done that before, she always made it to her pee towel. Deep inside I knew, I knew it was time but I called my friend who is a RVT (vet tech) and cried to her. I had to run an errand for work that night. I left and came back ad couldn't find Fallon. I panicked. I found her stuck behind my huge rat cage. Its like she forgot how to back up out of things. I set up a pallet of blankets on the floor and she laid right beside me (I was happy she finally settled). That was the night that the premier of my favorite show that had been off the air for five year came on (Heroes). Fallon laid by me and we watched our show. After it was over Fallon got up, but she couldn't keep her head up, the look in her eyes weren't the same, I knew what she was telling me. I called my vet, it was late at night by then. We were to meet at the vet office in 15 minutes.

Fallon was about 30 lbs at this age, she was short and long like a dachshund. I put her in my lap ad drove to the vets. We got there the same time as the vet. I took her in to the exam room. My vet looked at her and agreed it was time. She printed off the paper for me to sign Fallon's life away. My tears flowed like a waterfall. I held Fallon's head and stroked her back. The vet let me know exactly what she was doing it. Next thing I know Fallon was gone. It was October 1st around 10pm. The vet said take your time and I just rested my head in her fur and cried. The vet got some clay and made an imprint of Fallon's foot for me to take home.

When I finally left the office I drove straight to my moms house (I'm 38 but you are never too old for mom). She opened the door I stepped in and collapsed on the floor and cried. I missed work, I couldn't eat, All I could do it cry. I couldn't move anything that belonged to her in the house. My routine was all jacked up. I have two other dogs and even they knew. When I came home that night my Husky laid on top of me, which is something he never does, he's not a small dog. All my other pets knew and just surrounded me for days. I had a memorial for her and invited some close friends that would understand my loss. We lit candles while Best friend by Queen played. We read some poems and talked about Fallon. I already had Fallon and my other two dogs tattooed on me they were old and not great tatts. I saved up and got an amazing tattoo of Fallon on my arm in December. I use to love holidays but that Halloween I couldn't and that Thanksgiving was crap and Christmas was super upsetting to see her empty stocking. 

So about a week after Fallon had to be pst my eldest cat Gabby got these growths all on her underside. I took her to the vet and surgery was the only option. I feared this because I just lost Fallon and now my 15 year old cat has to go under. I told Gabby if she made it through this she would live at least another five years. The day of surgery I begged her to wake up from it and be healthy again. I was nervous all day. She made it and was doing fantastic. She healed up over time and I was relieved. But then the weekend before Christmas she stopped eating and was breathing really hard. I could feel deep inside her those growths came back and were not only on her underside but coming out of her neck. The Monday before Christmas December 21st I took her in to the vet to get checked out. I didn't know that I was going to have her pst. I didn't know....I wasn't ready. I was told that the growths had gotten her lungs and she is choosing to breath over eat. How could I let her go on like that, there was no other choice the vet couldn't fix her. I was devastated and shocked. 

Once again I was at the vets signing a fur-kids' life away. I was in tears. Gabby was purring as I stroked her on the exam table. The vet gave her a seductive, Gabby relaxed and that was the last time I her her purr. The vet gave Gabby the injection but Gabby didn't go, another injection, Gabby didn't go. I was getting tore up inside. The vet gently told me she needed to give her a shot in the heart. I couldn't take it anymore and I was crying and said I cant take this I just want to go home and I ran out of the vet office. That was one of the worst days of my life. I am so traumatized by it. With Fallon she was ready to go and just went so easy but with Gabby it was like she was not ready and I felt awful that I had her killed.

I had a photo shoot scheduled for me and Fallon in October but she didn't make it. I had bought her a new dress that was orange and said mommy's little pumpkin on it. She never got to wear it. I told Fallon I was going to find a vampire to turn her so she could live forever, I never found one. I told Gabby if she made it out of surgery she could be around for another 5 years and she isn't here. I wasn't ready to lose them. I cry all the time. I cry so hard I get migraines. I have other pets and even opened my heart and got a rescue dog in December. Fallon was so special, she was my baby, my little girl, then my little old lady, my Pookie Pies. Gabby was my Gabby Gabby Gabby Kat (she loved when I called her that). On Feb 13th I'm getting Gabby tattooed on my other arm.

Sorry this was so long. I just have so much to say about them and no where to get it out.

Here is Fallon

Here is Gabby
024 (3).jpg 

Here is my tattoo of Fallon. The same artist is going to do the above photo of Gabby on my other inner forearm.

Quote 0 0
Your pictures and story of your babies are so sad.  Please know that I am sending you hugs and sympathize with you.  Your kitty reminds me so much of my Patches that left me several years ago.  It has been 8 weeks for me since I lost my Molly due to a stroke.  What you describe your doggy doing sounds so much like what Molly did in getting stuck in place she really wasn't stuck in at all.  But with Molly it was FAST.  She went for a walk with me and then started pacing suddenly when we learned she went blind. 

There are no words that will bring you comfort, but you are in a place that understands.
Capture.JPG  Patches.JPG 
Quote 0 0
Thank you Beaglemomma for taking the time to read my post amd thank you for the kind words. Your babies look precious.
Quote 0 0
Oh Mila, I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. It's a helpless feeling, I know. We do all we can, the best we can, yet in the end still doubt that we did.

Keep talking about your babies if you feel it helps. You'll find a lot of people here who, unfortunately, can empathize with this wretched pain. You are not alone, you're among people who care.
Quote 0 0