ClarasHusband Show full post »
I completely agree with camunki. I was extremely nervous to go back to the vet. I cried on my way there, held it together as I talked to them, cried when I walked out. But I honestly felt a lot better once I brought my Layla “home” again. She was missing from my house, and it oddly was some sort of a relief having her back with me. I still miss her dearly, as you will always miss yours, but hopefully this helps you out a little bit. Never having gone through this before, I can say this has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Hang in there. We are all in this together, and here for support! ❤️
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Thanks everyone.  Yesterday was kind of tough.  It all came back to me once they gave me Clara’s stuff.  My dad was with me, kind of by accident as I was helping him with something in the afternoon after work.  I don’t think he even got the emotional part at first.  They brought out a bag and it just came to me as I hadn’t gotten sad in the last few days.  They had a card with the cremation date 10/4/2018 and an ink print of her paw.  It was well done and thorough, but seeing the box with Clara’s remains kind of floored me, I didn’t dare open it.  It has some documentation and a clay print of her paw.   I got real sad last night because I saw the door to the same exam room where they put her to sleep. I did more cleaning when I got home, even with that I still feel the cat’s presence even though I pick up less of her fur and dust from the carpet now as time goes on.  


I baked the paw print per their instructions, before I had to teach class last night.  It’s a lot of mixed emotions now trying to make sense of it and conceptualize it all.  One way I deal with that is to clean, kind of a weird therapy. I used to do that after relationships broke up with different women.  Anyway I sat in the hallway for a minute once I was done cleaning some food marks on the wall and using resolve on the carpet…… just sitting there trying to wrap my head around the whole thing as she had gotten sick (probably for a while) and died last week.  She didn’t suffer I realize but the emptiness and silence at home is rough.  I know she is “home” with us so I get the sentiment but seeing her remains in a box on the incense table my girl has is strange in a way. One week I bring my pet in her carrier box to the vet and a week later she is coming home in a box?  It’s surreal in a way.  I am seeing her at night or images of her being there when I walk by or expecting her to come to the door once I open it for her evening food.  Stuff like that is so ingrained in us and becomes entrenched in our everyday lives.  One thing, and maybe this a question for the ages, is what did her life mean?  My girl is never coming back………I just can’t believe it still.

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I am glad your Clara is safe at home with you now, and yes it is different. I went thru the same emotions, being very careful when baking that paw print, even days later I painted the imprints of the paws with the color of my babies fur and the nail imprints too.

And yes, the emptiness and the silence at home, how we were so used to things, used to being greeted at the door, etc...and then things change.

Yes, this is all new and raw for you, and your mind with take you into so many places with denial, guilt, empty heart, etc.

From what you write, you gave Clara a great life a meaningful life, a life filled with so much love that only you could give to her. And they give us the unconditional love back.

I remember the last day in the vets office with Jemma, i made sure i whispered to her that "this is not goodbye, but i will see you in awhile".....and I hold true to that. I talk to her every single day, I kiss her ash packet every single day, i even have fur packets that i hold, and a boatload of pictures at home and on my locker at work and my keychain too. I have a necklace with her ashes in it, so she is close to my heart. Jemma does live thru me and I make sure to talk out loud to her each and every day. Our pets never "pass away"....they pass "on"....on to a new journey, a happy journey, a journey that they are still with us and waiting for us, a journey that will connect us together some day.

Wishing you peace during this difficult time


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