My Pekingese, BB, would have been 15 years old in July. He was diagnosed with cancer over 2 years ago. He never had any complications from the cancer, and I considered myself lucky to have him for 2 more years. Early this morning, he started breathing hard. I hugged and held him, told him I love him so much. He responded back with a happy snore sound that he always does. I was so happy to hear his response. I thought he was okay and thought he was falling asleep, then I noticed he stopped breathing, then he was gone.
I love this dog so much. The love was like no other. He was such a good dog and a little sweetheart. I'm heartbroken, but I think what's killing me more is that I feel bad for him more than I do myself, like I wish bad things didn't happen to animals who just wants to love you unconditionally. He was there for me through the good and bad times in my life. I knew his time was going to come eventually. I hate it now that it's here.
Everything feels so cold and dark, like my life just stopped, like nothing matters anymore. I'm so used to him following me around the house and so used to hearing all the sounds he makes living in this house, the sound of him walking around, the sound of him snoring, the sound of him scratching the floor. Now it's empty and eerily quiet. This is so hard. I try to fall asleep but keep feeling these panic attacks. My head feels like it's going to explode.
Does anybody have anything that they did that helped them cope? Or I think maybe I just need someone to talk to who understands. Thank you so much for reading.