peke_bb

My Pekingese, BB, would have been 15 years old in July. He was diagnosed with cancer over 2 years ago. He never had any complications from the cancer, and I considered myself lucky to have him for 2 more years. Early this morning, he started breathing hard. I hugged and held him, told him I love him so much. He responded back with a happy snore sound that he always does. I was so happy to hear his response. I thought he was okay and thought he was falling asleep, then I noticed he stopped breathing, then he was gone. 

I love this dog so much. The love was like no other. He was such a good dog and a little sweetheart. I'm heartbroken, but I think what's killing me more is that I feel bad for him more than I do myself, like I wish bad things didn't happen to animals who just wants to love you unconditionally. He was there for me through the good and bad times in my life. I knew his time was going to come eventually. I hate it now that it's here.

Everything feels so cold and dark, like my life just stopped, like nothing matters anymore. I'm so used to him following me around the house and so used to hearing all the sounds he makes living in this house, the sound of him walking around, the sound of him snoring, the sound of him scratching the floor. Now it's empty and eerily quiet. This is so hard. I try to fall asleep but keep feeling these panic attacks. My head feels like it's going to explode. 

Does anybody have anything that they did that helped them cope? Or I think maybe I just need someone to talk to who understands. Thank you so much for reading.


133C8257-8683-4FBB-A870-7F5A9F676DF6.jpeg1E72ECCA-B690-45F2-AA1B-051D98EDB1C1.jpeg 8F8C5848-BBF1-470B-9005-0A5AFA1ADB40.jpeg 43F3C561-5818-40A9-AD84-08204868B135.jpeg   

Quote 0 0
Pisiciul
Dear peke_bb, I'm so sorry to hear about your beautiful little boy. I sure understand your pain and feel for you. 

It is so difficult to lose a furry child and be able to cope with the sadness and the pain inside your heart. These days in particular make things worse as everybody is down and scared. Please try to stay strong and remember your boy would never want you to be sad, especially for something he did. You don't agree now, but having your baby in your arms in his last moments is something many others would pay a high price for. 

For sure he had a wonderful life with you by his side. I know this doesn't help much as we are never ready for their last breath. Never. But please keep your faith in time as the only thing that would heal part of your emotional wounds. 

It helps me to think my boy is sleeping in the other room, no matter in which room I am at the moment. I just think it's all so silent because he's sleeping. Then it helps me not to see his toys or beds, but I kept only 3 items that he was very fond of, thinking he might need those in case he's still here with me. Then it helps to be here and try to reply to other's messages. Giving advice is actually the way I receive the same advice. I also send him letters on my own topic. Then... it helps to trust my boy that he will come back to me one day, in any form he wants and then I will know it's him. Not now, but later. And mommy will know.

Hugs
Pisiciul
Quote 2 0
Chippysmom
I an so sorry. I lost my boy on Monday and im feeling exactly the same as you. Exactly. I can't eat or sleep. My heart hurts so bad. 
Maureen flagg
Quote 1 0
peke_bb
@Pisiciul I'm really sorry to hear about your loss also. You are right about everything. It really is hard during this pandemic. I really want to get out and do something but can't really do much, or at least see my nephews who always cheer me up. But I can't due to social distancing. I really like what you said about having my BB with me during his last moments. At first I wished that I didn't see it happen, but now I'm having a different view on it. I'm being thankful that he didn't pass away alone in his room or outside somewhere. Thank you so much for the message and sharing your story and how you're coping. It truly means a lot and please know that you are helping me out so much. Feel free to share more anytime. Hope things get better for you. 
Quote 0 0
peke_bb
@Chippysmom Thank you so much. I'm truly sorry about your boy. We just lost our babies about the same time. I don't know what to say, but just know that I'm here if you ever need to share anything. I haven't eaten either and can barely sleep. I just lay in bed thinking about my little buddy imagining he was here. When I start dosing off, something beats me on my chest and wakes me back up.
Quote 0 0
Olvera
My dear, I'm so very sorry for the loss of your sweet baby.  I too have lost my lovely boy Angel in August.  I can't say it's easy to cope with the plan fact that they are gone.  But I can say that I've found comfort in all the memories and pictures we have of our little guy.  My heart is mending bit by bit, but will never be whole.  I feel somewhat healed is better than always sorrow. 
---Angels mom
Quote 0 0
peke_bb
@Olvera Thank you so much. Sorry about your Angel. I've been doing the same thing with photos of my little buddy and it helps a lot too. I took so many photos and videos of him throughout his whole life. While going through all of them, I've realized that for 15 years, every single moment, every single day with this little guy was always full of joy and happiness, not one single bad moment. 
Quote 0 0
Chrissyfrank
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my dachshund 3 weeks ago and it was extremely difficult. He had been paralyzed for 3 years and I was a full-time caregiver. And then like you said it became very quiet in the house and I was always looking around the corner for him. I think it did help to put away things that reminded me of him. I washed his toys and blankets and donated them to an animal shelter. Even though you can't do this right now I visited several shelters and just walked through and looked at dogs. I knew I wasn't ready to adopt but it just gave me some peace of mind to look at dogs. I hope you will feel better as time passes. 
Quote 1 0
peke_bb
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my dachshund 3 weeks ago and it was extremely difficult. He had been paralyzed for 3 years and I was a full-time caregiver. And then like you said it became very quiet in the house and I was always looking around the corner for him. I think it did help to put away things that reminded me of him. I washed his toys and blankets and donated them to an animal shelter. Even though you can't do this right now I visited several shelters and just walked through and looked at dogs. I knew I wasn't ready to adopt but it just gave me some peace of mind to look at dogs. I hope you will feel better as time passes. 


Thank you so much for the message. It means a lot to me. I'm very sorry about your loss too. Thank you for sharing your advice. I would love to visit shelters and pet stores just to look at dogs and puppies. When we're out of lock down, that's what I'll do. In the meantime, I've been looking at photos and videos of dogs online and also going through all the photos and videos of my dog. It's actually been helping. It kind of makes it feel like my dog didn't pass away. It feels like he's alive and happy out there somewhere; he just doesn't live at our house anymore. I still miss him so much and want him to know how much he was loved. 
Quote 0 0
Olvera
Good morning to all of my friends. 
Some of you know that I lost my darling Angel of 13 years this last August.  I'm gonna jump here  okay.  Most of my backyard was set up for my little boy to run, play, hunt etc.  And presently still is. Well this is the place we've spent most of our times.  Rain or shine,  hot or cold. Didn't matter.  We'd put our coats on and go outside in the backyard to play.  Now so much sorrow comes to me when I'm back here.  I'm waiting for my Angel baby to run around the corner and surprise me. 
I've got to repurpose this space.  So instead of a play yard for him,  I'm putting in a veggie garden.  Never was able to have much of any homegrown veggies because Angel would eat mostly any of the veggies.  Even tried putting tomatoes in those upside down hangers one season.  Well, He would be out there try to jump up at them. So I decided that if I wanted any vegetable I'd have to visit our farmers market.  Anyhow... 
My Angel puppy dog is gone. 
I'm putting in a large vegetable garden. 
Instead of being surprised with Angel running around the corner; I'll be surprised with tomatoes growing around the corner.  And laugh about the hilarious sight of Angel jumping up to try to grab some tomatoes. 
I love my darling Angel.  I'm so happy and grateful to have had a wonderful friend. 
Thanks for listening to me all
Olvera 🤗
Quote 0 0
Chippysmom
Olvera, that's a wonderful idea! I really enjoyed reading about your baby.  Sounds like such an amazing friend.  I miss my boy so much.  Seems like forever since I've held him.  Good luck with your garden! Happy planting!😊
Maureen flagg
Quote 1 0
JulieF
So sorry for the loss of your BB!  What a sweetie!  All I can say is two things - it is normal to feel grief like yours and it is going to hurt.  Let yourself grieve.  I think it is the only way to deal with the loss.  It is like a part of our heart has been ripped away.  The forum has been so wonderful because everyone on it knows what you are going through and will not think you are strange for any of the emotions you are feeling - so post away!  I good friend of mine told me that part of the loss is that the time we used to spend feeding them, playing with them, giving them meds, walking them, etc., is no longer occupied - so not only are we experiencing the loss, but we now have a time "hole".  Plus everything going on in the world does not help either.  I lost my cat Patch, who was 19, last Monday to kidney disease.  I could not even be with him at the very end because of COVID.  But I know I did the right thing for him.  Right now the pain is fresh, but I can tell you that after a couple of days, each day will get a tiny bit better.  The pain and grief still comes in waves, like the ocean getting ready to swallow you.  I still cry and talk to him, but I spend some time as well looking at pictures and remembering his antics.  I LOVE Olevera's idea of repurposing the garden.  I also know that before the virus I would spend time at our local shelter volunteering with the cats and I can't wait to get back to that.  Maybe you can do that - volunteer to walk the dogs?  I just hope you are starting to feel better.

Bless you
Quote 1 0
Chrissyfrank
Julie, I am so sorry for your loss . I put away my Frankie's  dog bowl the other day and cried for about 2 hours. Have many people had any experience with adopting another pet several months after your own pet has passed away? I've been thinking about it a lot and I get varying opinions from family and friends. I keep thinking that it'll help me heal and not miss my Frank so much but it has been a long time since I have had a new dog or puppy for that matter. I just noticed from these last few posts. I don't see anybody talking about doing that including myself.
Quote 1 0
Chippysmom
Chrissyfrank,
       I adopted 2 kittens right after my boy passed.  I wanted a distraction from the loneliness and sadness of losing my boy. They are fun and they make me laugh.  I still miss him terribly and I do want another dog... just not right now.  I am afraid I'll compare a new dog to my chippy. I don't think it'll be fair so im going to wait.  Thats what is best for me. But I have heard others say they adopted soon after and it helped mend their broken heart.  You could volunteer at a shelter or maybe foster? I don't believe you have to set a time.  If you're ready, I'm sure getting another baby would be good for you and a fur baby!❤❤❤
Maureen flagg
Quote 0 0
Chrissyfrank
Thank you.  I look just about everyday at dogs. 
This is such a sad time, globally, and to have a loss of a pet just deepens it. Thank you for your suggestions. Christine
Quote 0 0