Eviee
My dearest baby, two year old bun was , my everything, died suddenly,
I loved the place he used to sit. That was where i actually would turn to pray. Iove mybbaby paogo.....soo much....the last pellets i got for him, to enjoy for full, is still ,there, and now where he sat, my goodness, all duest and dirt ...and its all empty.....beside my dsk....sob...is the last poops ,my baby pooped so well the day before he died.
I loved every thing , his happiness meant me my everything,I WOULS SWEAR MY ALL TO MAKE MY BABY.HAPPY ,IF HE WAS ALIVE EVN TODAY.....I SWEAR....I LOVED MY SWEETEST THING EVER ,SO MUCH........Not a moment i spared ,for what he could not taken any benefit in....i loved the just moments of his rare jumping and happy frolicking around....Every cute names, i used.....really fir him.

Sob....love was my only purpose, all through, with him.....
I am more than torn to pieces, i could never even give him a peaceful burial
......HOW COULD ,I ......EVER THINK....OF BURYING....MY OWN DEAR BABY.....
sob....sob...sob........

I wish....i could cry ,burst out in tears and wail loud to reach him out down....for he is far way deep below,my thoughts ,my soul,or my reach now......
I dont remember a single thing what and what not ,i worked out ,things of love ,activities for fun, and my whole communicating ways with him.,both thoughts and words........for i communicated a lot only to him....now i am mute......sob......
I CANT REMEMBER A THING.....HOW CAN....ALL MY THOUGHTS, EVERY DESIRE I USED TO HOLD, EVERY LOVE WORDS I CHERISHED FOR HIM,EVERY HAPPY BREAK THROUGH S, GAINED FOR OUR GLORY, JUST BE EMPTIED FROM MY MIND.......!!!!

I HAVR NO THOUGHTS OF MY BABY,NOW EVEN I TRY HARD.......SOBB....WHY SHOULD I LET GO OF WHAT I WANT TO LOVE.......THAT IS MINE OWN LOVE.....
I am so hollow,....so open to any worlds......i am drained of love all of sudden.....without my baby bun, beside......my soul rots....!!!!

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catiebee
Eviee, I am so sorry. So, so sorry. I hope you can continue to let your pain out, horrible as it feels. I wish you much, much comfort and healing. 
Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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gizmomybaby
Eviee am so sorry for your pain & loss I think ur words speak volumes to how you felt towards your baby & I understand. Its the worse pain ever . Talk to your guy Hel hear you and I believe they are still with us alough wee wish it was in body form . Plz stay strong am not so good with helping people here I try my best . I lost my son gizmo 7 month ago and its a roller coaster of different emotions, pain anger hurt devistation , I have felt hollow inside since my boy went to , I use to always help everyone around me with anything I could but I have nothing to give now . I believe our baby's where here and found us for special reasons , I was reclusive with anxiety & depression and my boy got me outside and helped me , and I think my lesson is to try and help myself because I have nothing to help all the people I have before x I realy feel your pain plz know your not alone your words realy touched my hart xx Annemarie candy gizmo
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Eviee
I have never cuddled my dear Bunn,in his entire life, fearing he would get offended....
I always wanted to take him in my arms, my very own baby ,and hug him, close to my heart....and pat him , if he ever felt afraid...poor babe...

Because he was the sweetest thing ever God had given to me.........among many and many other pets....

I had bought stuffs and gifts, so many ,and store them up, telling him ,it would be so wonderful ,when soon we could arrange all these gifts to see....
His favorites stuffs, treats and all these things, are right before me all around my room, he my only very cause,is not there ,amidst .
I promised ,so many delicacies,new plants ,fun stuffs to hear and ponder over...and was almost taking him through.......
I also promised ,we would go together,camp in a hilly place , have some nice peace ,and no troubles ,at least for few days.

Scarcely did I ever know, I would go to the same hilly place, with him in a bag, looking where to cremate,my dearest baby.....
I still get reminded, a soft odor of his body , that had been in my bag ,more than one day, I kept on a table ,before the funeral......
NOW HE WOULD NEVER MAKE NOISE FROM THE BAG, HE WOULD NEVER SIGNAL MY MIND OF HIS THOIGHT, HE WOULD NT BE WAITING TO JUMP OUT ANY MOMENT, NOR WOULD HE ASK ME, WHERE ARE WE NOW FINALLY, CAN I COME OUT ,IS EVERYTHING OK........
BUT what was lying there, was a still cold furry one lying like stone,......
No...no god .....my soul would have cried....
But this lying still body was ,my dearest love, and blossom flower, a very sweet thing ,so lovely,so gentle, so close to me,that I can never part.........
The smell said it all.

Even now I really want him beside every time,where else will I turn to love..... I want to give him the best treats even now.........so specially in way he wants.....i want .to care for his thoughts ,good or bad and fears.... and still tell him ...don't worry....my dear ,God is greatest........don't fear ,cause you are really great...God will make a way out....as I always say to him when alive
....but....I say all this ......all alone now ...

I still want to cuddle my baby ,because I remember I never did in my real life and hold him in my arms and play around with my dearest baby........!!!




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Lamont
Eviee, I am sorry your feeling so bad. I know that some animals instinctively don't like to be restrained, held, picked up. My dear, departed cat, Bertie was like that. 
She'd been a stray and semi-feral a few times before I adopted her.

After a while I realised it was just the way she was. She expressed affection, but on her terms, and I came to accept that it was just the way she was.

I am sure your Bun loved you as much as you loved her, she was just "like that".

Hold her in your heart, and don't be afraid to cry or feel your grief.

You are in good company here, it gets easier, but it will take some time.

L
Bertie's Daddy
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MissingScooty
I am so so sorry for your deep pain. You will find some good listeners here.
Missing and loving Scooter Forever
- Melissa
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