Exactly two months tomorrow I had both the hardest decision of my life, and watched by baby boy suffer terribly. It was a terrible day. I have so much guilt. It was an attack from another of our dogs. He wouldn't have fared well in surgery the vet honestly told us, so we took his pain away forever.
Today was especially very, very hard as well. The weather is beautiful and we would have been walking, or hiking, taking a car trip, or maybe even at the beach. My heart weeps. He won't see his 2nd birthday and that pains me too.
My little prince is gone from our lives forever and it seems too real. The pain is picking up again just when I was beginning to feel some degree of acceptance. Again I'm feeling forever changed. Forever there will be a gaping hole in my heart.
I am so depressed. I also carry so much guilt that will never go away. Ever. I know it. I am dwelling in sadness and I am struggling to find something to be OK with about this situation.
I love you my sweet baby boy. I will see you one day again.
Love, Mommy
Calum's Mommy Forever <3 
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Hi CalumsMommy,
Anniversaries are so very hard. Calum was such a beautiful little boy! I think you made the right decision to take his pain away. Instead of putting him through surgery that likely wouldn't have helped, you chose to take the pain yourself - that awful pain of saying good bye and then living without him - but sometimes it is the best gift we can give our little friends.
We always light a candle on each anniversary since our Bailey died (4 months +) We share good times that we had with him and we hope he is smiling down listening.
I am so sorry for your terrible loss! I hope that you are able to find some peace.
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Dear Callum'sMommy,
Sorry to hear you are struggling. What an awful time you have had but try not to punish yourself. Your little Prince needed you to end his pain. To be honest it seems there wasn't really any decision to make - you really had to go with your vets advice.
Sending a virtual hug.
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Calumsmommy, I am so sorry for your loss of such a beautiful little boy. I have spoken to you before on this site but didn't realise lnow the circumstances. If only we had that crystal ball my friend. None of us can predict what could happen and I'm so upset for you that you feel so guilty, there is no way you could have known. Calum knows how much you love him and did the kindest thing you could when he wasn't well. Life can be so cruel sometimes and very unfair but please don't be so hard on yourself. You are clearly a caring and loving mum and need to remind yourself of this. Take care sweetheart, sending you love and big hugs. Xxx
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What a sweet little dog. There are so may triggers when we lose a precious pet - you talked about what you would have done today with Calum because the weather was so nice but remember that Calum is still with you in spirit so go on that walk and just invite him along. Talk to him, write little notes to him. He will know and be happy and it will help you to heal.
So sorry for your loss.
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