Kevin, I'm so sorry about your precious Maggie. She is such a beautiful little princess and from your posts, it's so obvious she was the sunshine in your life. You are on a very difficult journey now having lost her just weeks ago. For me, I have found the journey to be trying. There are days for us that it becomes difficult to breathe, to move about the house because of the reminders of what once was, or to even find a reason to smile. Your writings have great meaning to me because I found/find myself like you - wondering how do you reconcile in your mind that the most precious being in your life is not there. Intellectually, I know my life will never be the same and what I'm trying to learn is how I continue to have a productive life. I know that might sound melodramatic but there's just that constant ache that follows throughout the day. I'm a RN and I see that your are a firefighter. We are, I guess, what people might consider healers in that we are committed to helping others. I believe what the emotional side of my brain was telling me was that I should have done more to help my Carmen ie what signs/symptoms did I miss? But Keven, what I had to reconcile was there were none. Going over what I could have done, should have done really didn't help because the bottom line was - she was gone. Right now, what keeps me going each day is knowing that 1) she will always be in my heart and close to me 2) that with all the fun and adventures we had, she knew I loved her to the very depth of my soul and 3) most importantly, I will see her again at Rainbow Bridge and it will be a joyous reunion. Kevin, my heart goes out to you because of this weight you must carry. But please know, you are not alone. I truly agree with the previous members who remind us to stay close to this website as there are so many of us who have lost our beloved babies and are in varying stages of grief. So many of them have lifted me with their words of wisdom, hope, and insight. Take care of yourself Keven - we all understand your pain and pray for your well being.
My warmest regards, Carmen's and Gigi's mom - alicia