Phil....4 weeks ago today, I had to put my baby down. I say "my baby", because he was just that. I got him when I was single and we were together for more than 15 years....through ups and downs, marriage, 4 kids, etc. I'm not going to lie....the pain and grief was unbearable at times. I couldn't eat or sleep....I cried, bawled and cried. I tell you these things because I want you to know that I understand how you are feeling.
Now, 4 weeks later, I don't cry (as much) but I miss him like CRAZY! I don't think I will ever stop missing him. He was to much a part of my life....a constant during many changes. I can, however, look at pictures and smile at some of the funny things he would do. But during those first few days to weeks, I didn't know how I was going to make it through. This forum is wonderful. It gives you an outlet to share your feelings where co-workers, friends and maybe family may not understand or provide the support you need. The guilt and second-guessing you are feeling is very normal. I did the same thing. Lexie loves you and she knows how much you love her. I found that when I doubted myself....it was usually because I wanted him home so badly. It was my emotions trying to fight what I knew "intellectually" was the right thing. You are correct, it is the routines we had together that hurt the most. Getting up expecting to let him outside to go to the bathroom, meal times, having him sleep at my feet while I worked on the computer, etc. You are probably experiencing these same things. Some things that helped me were to change my routines (if I could) and for those in which I couldn't, I would visualize him being there with me. I talked to him then and I still talk to him. Doing these things didn't "fix" my grief, but it took the sharp edge off a bit. The main thing is to let yourself grieve. Whatever it is to get through those "moments"......do it. Release yourself from any doubts or blame. This isn't the end. Chipper and I walked our life journeys together. His path joined mine in December of 1995 and split to go to the Bridge in January of this year. When my path ends, I know Chipper will be there waiting.....tail wagging. I believe the same for you and Lexie (and your other Yorkie). Until that time comes, we will be here to walk with you.
Momma's Chipper Boy (9/19/95 - 1/30/11) My heart, my love, my buddy! I miss you and love you so, so much! I can't wait to see you at the bridge! Love, Mommy Lady "Ladybugs" (8/2/03 - 6/5/17) My sweet girl. Thanks for the walks, playtime, sock collection, boo boo kisses and love you gave all of us. We will miss you dearly! Until we meet again...we love you!