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sugarsmama

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Reply with quote  #1 
Sugar was only 2 years old.  I don't know what happened.  About 1 week ago, I noticed she was no longer using her litter box to poop.  She would still pee in it, but she would poop outside of the litter box.  I didn't think too much of it, and thought maybe she was a little anxious or just going through a phase.  Then about 4 days ago, I noticed her appetite had decreased.  She was still eating but not as much as before, and she also seemed kind of lethargic. 

She had her own bedroom, but she could roam around the house freely, however during her last days she did not seem to want to come out of her bedroom.  The day before she died, I went in to check on her and I was petting her and talking to her, she looked up at me and meowed several times.  Her meows sounded a little different than usual.  I feel she was trying to tell me she wasn't feeling well and I will always regret not taking her to the vet to get looked at.

She was the first pet I ever owned and I feel if only I had been more attentive, maybe things would have turned out differently.  I am sorry that I wasn't with her when she passed.  I came home from work yesterday and found her on her side with her mouth open and she was gone. 

The grief and sadness I feel is immense.  I cried for several hours yesterday and again at work.  Sugar was so loving and full of energy.  I will remember her sitting on my lap, kneading my stomach or arm. I will remember the times I was sad and she would see me crying.  She would nuzzle her face against mine and look at me like she was trying to understand what was wrong with me.   Or the times when I would go to get her food how she would continually meow until the food was in her dish.  She would keep eating and never once look up.  Then when she was done she would come to sit on my feet and close her eyes.  I'll remember the times she would start grooming herself, I remember thinking how graceful she looked while she was doing that. 

I hope Sugar will forgive me for not being a better parent to her.  She depended on me and in some ways I let her down.  I will be burying her today in the yard along with her favorite blanket.  I plan on planting some flowers on her grave and putting a little memorial plaque with a poem by Alice E. Chase titled "Four Feet in Heaven".  I am hoping she is happy where she is and that someday I will see her again.
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nalasmom

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Reply with quote  #2 

I am sorry for your loss.  Don't beat yourself up for things you could not know or control.  Focus on what you did for her not what you didn't.  You were a great mom who loved her and made her time here wonderful!  Hang in there, and remember the good.

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Goobiesbf

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Reply with quote  #3 
I'm so sorry to hear about your dear Sugar.  It would be a perfect world if we knew exactly when our cat and dog friends need medical attention.  I took my Goobie to his vet the first day he showed signs - ate little and was lethargic - and over the next 3 months he was tested and retested and on paper was the healthiest cat in the world but he went steadily downhill.  For those 3 months I thought it couldn't be anything too bad because his tests looked so good.  Finally, a dental exam was scheduled and his vet found an oral tumor that had grown too big to treat.  I had him euthanized that same day and fell apart.  You feel like you didn't do enough for your little Sugar and I feel like I didn't do enough for my Goobie.  We couldn't have done more for them but that doesn't stop us from beating ourselves up with our homemade "what if" bats.  As the waves of grief wash over us it's easy to blame ourselves because we felt responsible for the little lives that were given to our care but as time goes by and the waves grow smaller and further apart, it's easier to see how little control we really had to stop the dreadful outcome.  No matter how much we'd like it to be otherwise, we can't turn back the clock and do it differently. And even if we could go back, there's no guarantee that the end wouldn't be the same.  The thought that we couldn't protect them when they really needed us is soul-wrenching but none of us has that kind of power.  Our feeling powerless leaves us feeling confused, vulnerable and out-of-control.  It makes missing them even more excruciating.  As the days go by the grief will grow smaller and the tears come less often.  Missing them continues but our thoughts of them will begin to turn into moments of remembrance instead of loss.  Be kind to yourself and know that you did everything possible and that you never failed to love Sugar.  She knew this and still knows it.
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carverman

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Reply with quote  #4 
I am so sorry for your loss (Sugar). Two years doesn't quite seem enough for God's most precious little creatures that are
with us for only a short period in our lives.   It could have been any disease that she finally succumbed to and you shouldn't blame yourself. My little guy, the most sweetest
and loving cat in the world (Boots) succumbed to CRF last week and I'm still grieving, but recovering slowly from the
pain of losing him.  He was only about 3 yrs old and had
escaped a few lifethreatening events in his short life...maybe
he had used up his "9 lives" ..I don't know..but whatever the
reason God has called him back, I know that in my heart, I
did the best thing for him when I was with him at the final
moment.  Perhaps a little child was lonely in heaven and
wanted a playmate..I hope that is the reason..and maybe
that is the reason for your little Sugar.  My sincerest condolences and thoughts go with you..be strong..we will
get over our losses and carry on for their sake.   I have
made a donation to our local shelter in my little guys memory..I know he would have approved.
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renken

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Reply with quote  #5 
Sorry for your loss.  Our Angel passed away on March 1 and we are totally devastated and heartbroken.  We are still asking questions like what could have we done better.  You gave Sugar the best home you could and loved her as unconditionally as she loved you.. there is no question about that.  Remember her at her best and stick that memory in your head.  That is the point we are at with Angel, trying not to remember the day she passed and the events that lead up to it.  Remember the best times you had together.  It's hard, almost feels impossible, but we have to try.  Our kitties are watching over us now as they did when they were here.  Again.. we are so sorry.

Ken and Renee

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sugarsmama

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Reply with quote  #6 
I want to thank everyone for your kind words of sympathy.  I cried again when I read your stories of loss, but in some ways it makes me feel better to know there are people that truly understand what I am going through.  I am hoping Sugar will be in the same place as Angel, Boots and Goobie.  They sounded like they were wonderful cats and it would be nice if they were all together playing.

Again, thank you all for helping me to get through this. 

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Susie_Squillions

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Reply with quote  #7 
Dear SugarsMama,

You were a wonderful momcat to your sweet Sugar.  She was doing one of the things that cats do best.  It's their nature to hide signs of illness and weakness.  It's how they survive in the wild.  I'm so sorry t hear about your shocking loss. 

Remember that Sugar loved her life with you.  Although it was far too short, she knew a lifetime of love while she was here.  That's what matters most.  She had a wonderful life, being appreciated and loved every second.  When the time is right, she will send you another kitty who needs to know the same kind of love she knew with you. She will choose the kitty, and she will choose the right time.  I've found that we really have very little control in these matters. Our angels watch out for us and give us what we need when we need it.  My angel kitties, Bingo and Buddy Guy will help her make the arrangements for you.  They have done splendid jobs of filling our home with fur love.  I promise you, Sugar is in the best of paws.

You and your beautiful Angel Sugar are in my thoughts and prayers.

xoxo




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My heart is battered and bruised, but I will not let it break. It holds such precious cargo, I must protect it now. (Susie Squillions)

"Memories of loved ones are like songs in our soul." Margaret Wakeley

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BUDDY GUY AYRES~LYNCH'S RESIDENCY:
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KING BING THE GOD CAT'S RESIDENCY:
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BINGO009/Resident.htm

In one of the stars, I shall be living.
In one of them, I shall be laughing.
And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night.
~ The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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sugarsmama

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Reply with quote  #8 
Susie, I am praying you are right.  I miss Sugar so much, I miss the little things like coming home from work and seeing her sweet face welcoming me home.  I almost called out for her yesterday when I got home. 

Thank you for keeping us in your prayers. 
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Brooklynmommy

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Reply with quote  #9 
I'm so sorry about Sugar! So sad, she was so young!

I know how you feel about thinking you didn't take good care of her.  I feel the same way about my mom's cat Penny that I was taking care of since Mom passed away.   She was constantly urinating for a week before she died, but I thought it was a UTI and since she was on antibiotics for an abcess on her face, I didn't think much about it.  When the weekend came, on Saturday she jumped in my lap and put her face near mine and stayed a long time, which wasn't like her.  We took her to the vet on Sunday and he said it might be her kidneys, but gave her sub-Q fluids.  Little did we know that it would make her worse and her kidneys already shut down, and she died all alone that night.

It's not your fault, you didn't know it was that serious.  Cats hide these things so well. My clue is always that they aren't eating, and when they are still eating, you don't think it's too bad.  Same with my mom's cat, she only stopped eating the night before she passed. Sugar forgives you and I'm sure my mom's cat forgives me.  I'm sure she's happy playing with all the other cats until you meet again.

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niki

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Reply with quote  #10 
you were a lovely mum  to sugar, dont beat yourself up about it
the brightest stars sometimes burn out quicker........................................
i am still grieving so much as i lost my little girl on valentines day, she was 13 and a little black crazy cat
i have her twin, quite frankly without her with me i would have cracked up!
bless you though and dont feel guilty,
she was a BRIGHT STAR...................................treasure the two years as two of the best of your life
best wishes
niki
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sugarsmama

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Reply with quote  #11 
Nicki and Brooklynmommy I am so sorry for your loss.  I hope all of our cats are together.  That is how I get through the rough times, by hoping my Sugar is with your cats playing and enjoying herself.

I think I will always have the regret and guilt about what I could've done differently with Sugar, but I have decided to focus on the good times I had with Sugar and not on her last day's.  I still miss her so much to the point I can't even look at a cat food commercial without getting teary eyed, but it is slowly getting better. 

Thank you again to all the wonderful people that brought me comfort on this forum.  Your pets were so lucky to have you in their lives!
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niki

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Reply with quote  #12 
Hi  again...................i get teary eyes to at things like that, i am lucky that i have Mints Twin still with me, i am so grateful for her love
But when i only had one cat and he died, i could not walk past the cat food in asda, not for months
take good care x
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sugarsmama

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Reply with quote  #13 
I miss you Sugar.  I thought by now I wouldn't feel so sad when I think of you, but I still do.  My life is not the same without you, the house is not the same without you.  You were such a little being, but you had such a big impact in my life and others as well.  Do you know my younger sister made a donation in your memory to the RSPCA?  How wonderful that because of you, other animals will have a better life.  I miss your sweet little face, your meows, you running through the house, watching television with you and holding you against me. 

I am actually thinking of getting another cat, because I have such a huge void in my heart and I know this cat will never be you and could never replace you.  I just want to give another cat a home and also to give my love to one.  I will let you guide me in choosing the right cat for me.  I feel I will know when I see him or her.  I love you Sugar and I hope you are happy.
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nicokudo

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Reply with quote  #14 
Sugar's mamma,

I am so sorry about the loss of your precious baby.  Your sweet Sugar will send you a new baby to love, just the one that will be right for you.  All the future animals that you have will be seen through the love in your eyes that you have for your Sugar.

Sometimes we have our babies for a long time, but other times their time with us is so short.  Your sugar packed all the love that she wanted to give you into those two short years. 

The journey through grief can be very bumpy and sad.  Your precious one will stand by you during the difficult and sad days ahead.

Thinking of you.

Karen



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PoohtsMom

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Reply with quote  #15 
My heart goes out to you. You sound like a wonderful kitty mother.

I think we often wonder 'what if' when our babies pass. The guilt, I have learned, is normal no matter how the passing happens.

I lost my Poohty Bear cat on 3/17 and got his remains back today. I wonder if it would have been better to have him pass in his bed at home instead of taking him to the vet for the procedure but this was his way. I really forced nothing, just as you didn't force anything. Sugar was needed at the bridge.

Cry your tears and know  that your burial plans are inspirational, and your dear little Sugar will be so happpy with your decision.
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