Kalli
As I mentioned in this thread: https://forums.rainbowsbridge.com/post/my-cat-passed-while-i-was-out-of-town-9798691?pid=1304876516 my cat passed away while I was out of town.  I grieved while I was away and thought (hoped?) that I'd gotten over the worst of it.  I've been back in town for a little over a week and I've found the grief is almost on par with how I felt when he first passed.  I've never lived in a home without a cat before and it just doesn't feel like home.  Whenever I come home I feel that old surge of excitement to be greeted by my cat, only to have to remind myself that he won't be there.  I used to greet him first thing in the morning and now waking up is the worst part of my day.  Every time the wind rustles the curtains or any papers on the table my ears perk up before I remember I don't have a cat who could be making those sounds.  I have so much I need to do before school starts in less than a month, but it's so hard to find the motivation.

I told my property management about the situation and they want to charge me another pet deposit if I want a new cat and I just can't afford it, especially since I already paid the deposit for my deceased cat last year.  I'm considering getting an Emotional Support Animal letter because I cannot afford another deposit but my quality of life has seriously diminished since my cat passed away.  I've taken a couple questionnaires and they all say I am a good candidate for an emotional support animal but I'm still nervous that something might go wrong.

I would appreciate words of advice or encouragement.  I feel so isolated out here and now that I don't have my kitty with me, I realize just how much I leaned on him for comfort and companionship.
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Tankie12
I did go back to your original thread. I can only imagine how hard it is to be back home to silence and have the grief flood back over you again. ESA will erase the pet deposit and open other doors as well. You sound like you’re ready to love another cat and theirs so many in need. Listen to your heart,,,,,
Lynn, Tankie’s mom, forever
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Kalli
Thank you, Lynn. In a way it feels like losing him twice - the first time when he passed away, and the second time when I came back to an empty apartment.  I'm a little worried that getting my ESA letter will irritate property management, but I also kind of feel like they're forcing my hand in this situation.  I already paid a pet fee, why should it make a difference if it's not for the original pet?
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Kalli
Sorry about the double post, but I don't know how to carry on right now.  I woke up missing him so much it physically hurts, and I still have to go about my whole day.  I'm miserable and I don't know what to do.
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Molly24
I am so sorry for your loss Kalli! I understand your pain. I lost my kitty a little over a week ago and I feel like my world is ending. Like I have lost a part of me. It is hard to function everyday and I don’t think anyone understands. I have been told it gets better. That we will never forget them and will always miss them but that the sharp pain will get better. I hope that happens soon.

I think getting another kitty could help. I have 2 others and they are the only things that are making me happy. They do not replace her as they all have their own personalities but they do ease the pain a little.

If you are not ready to adopt maybe you could volunteer at a shelter. I am thinking about doing that. Everyone keeps telling me to do things I love. I love cats so I am thinking that helping other cats could in return help myself.

I work in property management and there is nothing wrong with getting an emotional support letter. Everyone is doing it now and they can’t deny it. I am not mad at anyone for doing it. We don’t accept letters but we fax a form to a doctor to sign saying that you need the animal for emotional support. I’m sure everyone does it different. I do think it’s a little ridiculous that they are making you pay another deposit.

I have found that talking about the loss actually helps. That’s why this forum is so great!
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Kalli
Thank you, Molly.  I'm sorry to hear about your loss, too.  I may look into volunteering at a local shelter until I can get that ESA letter.  I haven't heard about the faxing a form to a doctor route.  Is it the same doctor each time or do you fax the form to the doctor who wrote the letter?  I'm in a very small town so I have to talk to therapists online which I'm afraid may make things a little more complicated.  I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and have been on a variety of prescriptions over the years to manage both conditions so the initial screening isn't my main issue.  It's what happens after I give the letter to property management that's making me worry.  I just feel so empty without an animal in the home.
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Molly24
We fax the form to the doctor who wrote the ESA letter. It sounds like it shouldn’t be a problem getting the letter or the form signed. As long as the doctor or therapist approves it they can’t deny it. At least that’s the law in Massachusetts. I think depression and anxiety is a good reason to have a pet for emotional support. I don’t have my cats registered as ESA but they are absolutely my support. I also suffer from depression and anxiety and am on medication. I had to increase my dosage to make it through this. I’m sure there is another little baby waiting for a good home. I think the unconditional love will help you through this. It doesn’t mean you need to forget him. I would probably get another cat if I didn’t already have 2 others to care for. What was your cats name? Do you have a photo?
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CatLady72
I’m so sorry for your loss Kalli. I lost my cat Ben about 6 weeks ago and I totally understand what it must be like in your apartment without your baby. For the first couple of weeks there were a number of places at home or daily routines that I just couldn’t do/go to because the reminders were too upsetting. For example, every time we made toast, Ben would come running because he wanted a lick of butter. After he was gone I couldn’t make toast for 2-3 weeks. It DOES get better, I promise. I still get sad of course but I am able to live my life normally without being overwhelmed by grief all the time. I also suffer from anxiety/depression and take meds. If you feel you are ready for another cat, go for it. How much is the fee you are being charged by the landlord? I didn’t even know that was “a thing.” I’m sorry for the pain you are experiencing but please know it will get better. Returning to school will probably be good for you. Distraction is good! Take care of yourself.
- Linda
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MAlcindor
Kalli, I know how difficult it is to find motivation to do anything at all when you are grieving the loss of your kitty. I don't really understand why the property management is wanting to charge a second pet fee, it doesn't make sense to me. You have to do what is going to help you get through this and if that means getting the letter by all means do so and don't give it another thought. It must be very lonely for you in the apartment and having another kitty will not only bring you companionship, but I think it may help you emotionally so that you can function at a more "normal" level.
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