Pisiciul Show full post »
Buddy_Mama
Oh Pisiciul, our stories are so similar. I lost my almost 10 year old Buddy just over 3 weeks ago, under very similar circumstances. I also had a deep, special bond with my boy... I also drove with him when I moved across the country, 4 days and 2,200 miles, and he was SO good on that long trip... I also keep looking for him in the house... I also find that often the only way I can calm down and stop crying is to pretend he’s not really gone... I also talk to him, beg him to come back, beg him to give me a sign that he can hear me.

I finally got the call today from the vet hospital that Buddy’s remains are ready for me to pick up. I requested a necropsy, because no one - not our regular vet, not the emergency vet hospital staff, not my husband or I - knew exactly what happened that night. Our regular vet had previously diagnosed him with feline asthma, and I had just started him on medication for it a couple of days earlier. But the vet hospital called me last week with the final report: he actually had heart disease, as well as a cancerous growth on his trachea, in addition to mild asthma. 😢💔

I’ve been desperately wanting to finally bring my Buddy home, because it’s been more than 3 weeks since I last took him out the door in his carrier, rushing to the vet hospital... and that night we came home with an empty carrier, and overwhelming shock like I’ve never, ever experienced, because he died on the way to the vet hospital. At the same time, I dread driving to the vet hospital now to pick up his remains, because it will rip open the wound on my soul all over again. And carrying his ashes in the door in a box won’t feel anything like bringing him home in his carrier after a vet visit.

To you, and everyone else who has replied here: thank you so much for sharing and caring. We are all going through the same huge pain and loss. And the only comfort I seem to find is coming here, reading the stories and feelings of others who know exactly how I feel.
Cindy (Buddy’s mama)
My baby Buddy 5/4/10-3/7/20, rescued March 2011
My sweet Mandy 11/27/91-11/2/10, rescued November 1992
My beautiful Barney 4/28/73-9/7/92, adopted May 1973
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Dakota13
First off I'm so very sorry for your loss... 17 years is a darn good life of memories for you for sure... While your heart is breaking I fully understand as I had to have furbaby put down on March 18th last year.. He was 13.. But I have 13 years of good memories of that boy.. We had him since he was 5 weeks old.. I still feel his presence around me.. The signs are there.. When they pass as was told to me they don't remember dying.. They don't remember any suffering.. They are in a place where life has no sickness or worries. .Take it one day at a time.. Your body and mind will heal with time.. Hugs to you..
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Pisiciul
Dear Buddy_Mama (Cindy), I wish we were never here to share the same experience. But now, since we had no option, I can only hope that our babies are also together out there, playing and being the happiest ever. They all deserve the best. Such beautiful souls!... Hugs and stay strong, please.
Pisiciul
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Pisiciul
Dear Dakota13, the way you described the place our babies are sharing now is perfect. As I told Cindy, they sure deserve such a wonderful treat in their after life. I just... allow myself to be selfish every now and then and to beg him to come back to me, even knowing I could never give him that complete happiness forever. But I would try my best, every day of my life, I would try.

Stay strong for your boy as he sees you. Hugs
Pisiciul
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Pisiciul
My dear boy,

It's been 2 weeks... I can't believe it. It's hard to understand how come you no longer need us but I guess you have everything you want now. Still waiting for a sign from you. You are welcome anytime, please believe me. The world is changing and nobody likes what we are forced to live. You would not like to feel the stress either. I miss you, baby, I miss you terribly. I always will. There are a zillion things I'd like to say to you but words fail me. These letters make me cry and, instead of words, I can only find tears. I hope you know what's in my heart. I love you so much. Sometimes it feels like it never happened. But it lasts only until I see the empty spots you used to stay starring at me or talking to me. Oh, baby, you were so vocative. Such an amazing personality. Remember all those conversations we used to have, each one ending with your funny face saying "Mum, I think you're stupid, you don't understand a thing of what I'm saying, do you?". And then we would cuddle and kiss and purr and be happy. But then I remember those times when I wasn't so nice to you and sometimes close the doors leaving you on the other side just because I was busy. I'm so sorry for those moments, my sweet boy. So so sorry. Please forgive me for upsetting you. And please come back in a dream to tell me that you are OK. Or, you don't need to say anything. Just let me see you once. Just once, please. 

I can't visit your resting place tomorrow. We are not allowed to. Yep, just like cats are not allowed to do things sometimes. Frustrating, I know. That's why I count on you and hope you can visit us instead. We still have your favorite food. Come! Will you?..
Pisiciul
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Pisiciul
My dear boy,

It's such a fine weather lately, all sunny and warm. It's the exact weather we've been waiting so we can take you out a little more and even go to the woods. Remember last year when you fell asleep in my arms there on a sunny day? Such a lazy boy. 🙂 

I should clean the house and vacuum everything but it's you everywhere. Every single hair it's you and I can't erase you. I don't mind leaving everything like this for a while but the problem is I will never be ready to erase the last traces of your existence. 

I miss holding you in my arms and kissing your forehead. I miss saying all of our secret words, those that made you purr to my ear. Are you happy there? Is there anyone to make you purr, baby? Anytime you can, in a dream, OK? 










































































































































































Pisiciul
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JulieF
Pisiciul,,

I just read your post about losing your boy and I am so sorry.  I wanted to reach out because you were kind enough to reach out to me after my boy Patch left me.  Please do not blame yourself for not doing something or doing something.  I sounds like he had a heart condition.  He was such a beautiful boy and it sounds like you had a special bond (as I did with my boy Patch).  I know the heartache and the second-guessing.  I am trying to focus on what made me happy about Patch - his silly quirks, that funny stuff he did that made me laugh.  I have read that making a list of the wonderful things about him might work.  I will keep you in my prayers, as I do with everyone who loses a friend.  God Bless you.
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Pisiciul
My dear boy,

Please forgive me for a late letter coming just now. Everything is going down the toilet. I'm afraid things went too far now and they cannot be anywhere closer to what it used to be. Living another episode like yesterday is impossible for me, I can't see the one I loved treating me this way again. I failed this life but life failed me too. After loosing you too I realized there's nothing left for me. I'm not sad for what we all had - it must have been something beautiful at some point, but am sad for not being able to make things differently. Just want you to know that you've been amazing for almost 17 years and I am grateful. Please be there for me like you always have. I will need you there, I'm a little afraid of darkness. I love you, baby.
Pisiciul
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JulieF
Cindy, Dakota 13 and Pisiciul, - We have loved deeply and that is why we are feeling the pain so acutely.  Yesterday marked one week since my boy left me.  That special bond comes along rarely and when it goes, we feel it.  Pisiciul, please know everyone on the forum understands exactly what you are going through - you are not alone!  I think the times we are in exacerbates these feelings of lonliness. Your boy is with you in your heart.  He is in a better place with all the other pets who have gone.  There is no more pain and they are young and playful again.  I like to think it is a pet paradise - sun to bask in, unlimited crab meat (as in the case of my Patch who loved fresh crab) or whatever their particular treat was, high places for them to bask in the sun and lost of mice to chase.  Bless you.  You are in my thoughts.
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Buddy_Mama
Pisiciul, I'm worried about you. I haven't been on this forum in a couple of weeks - too much sadness, not enough to share or help others at the moment - but I've been reading the replies I get via email to posts that I've previously replied to. I saw your post above. Please reply here to let me know how you're doing. I care.
Cindy (Buddy’s mama)
My baby Buddy 5/4/10-3/7/20, rescued March 2011
My sweet Mandy 11/27/91-11/2/10, rescued November 1992
My beautiful Barney 4/28/73-9/7/92, adopted May 1973
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JulieF
Pisiciul, I am also worried about you.  Please post to let us know you are ok.  You have friends here who care about you.
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Buddy_Mama
Pisiciul (Monica), are you there? Please post to let us know you're OK. We care.
Cindy (Buddy’s mama)
My baby Buddy 5/4/10-3/7/20, rescued March 2011
My sweet Mandy 11/27/91-11/2/10, rescued November 1992
My beautiful Barney 4/28/73-9/7/92, adopted May 1973
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