Oh Pisiciul, our stories are so similar. I lost my almost 10 year old Buddy just over 3 weeks ago, under very similar circumstances. I also had a deep, special bond with my boy... I also drove with him when I moved across the country, 4 days and 2,200 miles, and he was SO good on that long trip... I also keep looking for him in the house... I also find that often the only way I can calm down and stop crying is to pretend he’s not really gone... I also talk to him, beg him to come back, beg him to give me a sign that he can hear me.
I finally got the call today from the vet hospital that Buddy’s remains are ready for me to pick up. I requested a necropsy, because no one - not our regular vet, not the emergency vet hospital staff, not my husband or I - knew exactly what happened that night. Our regular vet had previously diagnosed him with feline asthma, and I had just started him on medication for it a couple of days earlier. But the vet hospital called me last week with the final report: he actually had heart disease, as well as a cancerous growth on his trachea, in addition to mild asthma. 😢💔 I’ve been desperately wanting to finally bring my Buddy home, because it’s been more than 3 weeks since I last took him out the door in his carrier, rushing to the vet hospital... and that night we came home with an empty carrier, and overwhelming shock like I’ve never, ever experienced, because he died on the way to the vet hospital. At the same time, I dread driving to the vet hospital now to pick up his remains, because it will rip open the wound on my soul all over again. And carrying his ashes in the door in a box won’t feel anything like bringing him home in his carrier after a vet visit. To you, and everyone else who has replied here: thank you so much for sharing and caring. We are all going through the same huge pain and loss. And the only comfort I seem to find is coming here, reading the stories and feelings of others who know exactly how I feel.
Cindy (Buddy’s mama)
My baby Buddy 5/4/10-3/7/20, rescued March 2011 My sweet Mandy 11/27/91-11/2/10, rescued November 1992 My beautiful Barney 4/28/73-9/7/92, adopted May 1973