Today is hard. One week ago today was my last day with Jagger. I find myself remembering what I was doing exactly one week ago. Again I find myself counting the hours and now the minutes until that final, heart wrenching moment.
Years ago the vet had told me that due to Jagger's heart condition it would be too risky to sedate him. I mentioned that to the vet who ended it and she said "some vets feel that way". Clearly other vets do not. Maybe I should have found a new vet. Maybe if I had he would still be with me or maybe he would have left me sooner or suffered more. There is no way to ever know and I just need to accept that I did what I thought was best for him.
Today I asked myself some questions and I think it has helped me. Maybe it will help you. Feel free to add your own questions.
Regarding my sweet, furry friend:
Did I love him? Absolutely!
Did I care for him? Definitely!
Would I have ever intentionally hurt him? No! Never!
Did he trust me? Yes!
Was he judgmental or did he accept me as is, the good and the bad, when I was silly, when I was stupid, when I was sad...? He loved me unconditionally, no matter what!
Did he offer apologies or expect an apology? No, I don't think so. He was accepting and took life in stride. He didn't dwell on the past or worry about the future. He didn't punish me after trips to the vet, even though he hated to go.
Did we have many good times together? Yes!