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Jan_H

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Reply with quote  #1 
My Big Sweet Golden Boy, Jagger, had cancer in his mouth, a grade 4 heart murmur and arthritis. He was a fighter and continued to eat even though it was a struggle. He lost weight, was unsteady and slow to sit or lie down. He was suffering and it was only going to get worse. So I made the decision to euthanize him at home last night. I felt it was selfish to keep him longer.

I sat with him all day yesterday. He ate a little, he enjoyed the sunshine, he looked outside and he mainly slept in the laundry baskets with me by his side. After the vet called and said she was on her way, he got up and wanted food and water. He ate more when she arrived. He did not want to be near the vet which was not like him. He wandered around the house and I felt like he was saying that he did not want to leave. And then I let him go.

I am heart broken and cannot stop crying. He was the sweetest, most special cat I've known. When I would get home from work he would jump up on the dresser and kiss my forehead. He would sit on the sofa with me in the evenings and I would rub his belly and his feet would swim in the air. I miss his loud purring and his loud snoring. I miss picking him up and hugging him. He was my confidant and the shoulder I cried on.
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Mybeautifulboy

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Reply with quote  #2 
My condolences on the loss of Jagger. My thoughts are with you as you start on this journey of grief.
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Jan_H

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Reply with quote  #3 
Thank you.
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Kim_S

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Reply with quote  #4 
I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand your hurt. I had to make the difficult decision to euthanize my 15-year-old dog 2 days ago after a very short bout of aggressive cancer. I miss her so much it hurts. I can't even remove her food bowls. I'm so glad she could go peacefully at home.
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Jenniferhiggs1221

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Reply with quote  #5 
So sorry for your loss.i also made the decision to put my baby reeses down last wednesday june 5 my heart hurts so much and he was such a huge part of my life i cant imagine life without him but i have to..he somehow got two broken legs friday may 31 and was supposes to have the right one amputated and the left one fxed with surgery but he needed a blood transfusion first.i took him in for all of this and with xrays the vet said he had cancer and a large mass on his tumorr and wouldnt live long even after putting him through all this.he had been in sooo much pain for five days that he had been shaking alot from it..i couldnt put him through anymore pain as bad as i wantef him to get better what if he didnt? The vet didnt think he would..so it was the hardest decision id ever made and regretted it instantly.ive cries my eyes out constantly since and dont know how i will be ok without him.he was my best friend and made me so happy.he was the best cat ever i love and miss him so much..i will always live with the guilt i made the wrong decision but hope and pray i did the right thing and that hes happy now and foegives me..everything happended so quick i just dont know what ti do with myaelf
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Jan_H

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Reply with quote  #6 
Kim S - I am so sorry for your loss. It is such a difficult decision to make. I have not yet picked up many of Jag's favorite things.

Jennifer - I am so sorry about your baby reeses. I'm sure you made the right decision. It is so hard to decide when letting go may be easier for our babies than continuing on with suffering. And you had to make that decision in a short period of time which makes it easier to second guess. But I think you did what was best for your best friend. I feel your pain. Jagger was my best friend and I miss him so much. I have trouble eating and sleeping. I don't know how I'm going to survive going to work tomorrow.
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Jenniferhiggs1221

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Reply with quote  #7 
I keep replaying the scenario back and forth that i made the right decision and then i made the wrong decision..i lost both my grandma and dad last year within 3 months of each other and the pain i feel over losing reeses is just as bad..i loved him so much and he was such a huge part of my life that i dont know what to do with myself anymore..i had a terrible week at work last week and after he passed especially..i was crying off and on all day at work past three days but today was first day i was off since and it was just as hard.i didnt wanna be at home and for some reason the morning is an especially hard time for me as soon as i wake up i have instant regret..i hurt so bad i just want some sign from him that hes ok now and he forgives me
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Kim_S

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Reply with quote  #8 
Thank you Jan_H. I know in time, it will get easier.
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Jan_H

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Posts: 198
Reply with quote  #9 
Jennifer - I am so sorry for your losses - your grandma, your dad and baby reeses. That is a lot to endure. I think you made the right decision for reeses. But I understand your guilt. I try to tell myself that Jagger's suffering is over and mine grew astronomically. And it was right to do that for him. If I could have taken his pain any other way I would have.

I woke up early today to feed Jagger but there was no Jagger to feed. And I had a thought, "I don't have to get up as early", like it was a good thing. Horror!!! How could I think that! I would have gotten up early and stayed up late until the end of time to keep him with me.

Every time I think about him I cry. Why can't I have happy memories? I got him when he was 5 mos old and he lived to be 17. Many wonderful days together but all I can do is be miserable and cry every time I think about him.

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Jenniferhiggs1221

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Posts: 64
Reply with quote  #10 
I know how you feel and i feel the same to for reeses.even on my days off i would still get up at 6:30-7 to feed him because he would be already waiting but now my baby is gone and i cant take care of him anymore.its been five days since i lost him and each day has been nothing but sadness and regret and anger and i just lay here thinking about him all the time.i miss him so much because he always made me so happy..i even thought about him all the time while i was at work and couldnt wait to come home to see him.i would always have ti watch where i pulled in the driveway because he never moved..he knew i would pull all the way over for him..so now when i pull in it hurts and i cant even look anymore i just hurry up and pull all the way up.i just wish he knew how much i miss him and how much i will love him forever.i still cant believe ill never see him again and its like a punch in the stomach then i feel sick
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Kim_S

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Reply with quote  #11 
At this point, every time I have a memory of my sweet Annie, it triggers the sadness again. Her bowl and bed are right where she left them. Today I allowed myself some time to lay my head on her bed and cry. I know it will get easier with time. The vet called today to say her ashes are ready. It's just still so raw. It's nice to know that others feel the pain of losing their beloved best friends the way that I do. I wish society treated the loss of a pet the same as any another other loss. I grieve for her the same as family because she was.
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Jenniferhiggs1221

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Reply with quote  #12 
I know and they called me saturday to tell me reeses ashes were ready and i cried and cried..then driving back to the vet hospital where he left me was so much worse.my husband drove and when we got close i closed my eyes cause i couldnt bear to look at this awful place that took my baby from me.he went in to pick them up then as soon as he put them in the car i started crying again.i keep them beside my bed and its been so much rain since im glad he was cremated and not burried outside with all the storms and rain but beside me
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Kim_S

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Reply with quote  #13 
It did bring me some peace to have her ashes home with us today. I hope you find the same in time. I believe time is the only thing that heals the hurt.
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Memories_of_Marmalade

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Reply with quote  #14 

Hi Jan_H,

I too am very, very sorry for your loss. This Thursday it will have been 4 weeks since I had made the final decision to put to sleep my Lad "Marmalade." He was an orange & white Tabby cat whom I named after the orange jam/jelly. He was the love of my life. We had been through so much together and he really kept me going. My heart is shattered into a million pieces. I miss him more than words can say.

I believe Marmalade also had some kind of mouth cancer but was misdiagnosed by 5 Vets. In the end he could no longer eat or drink. He was done with being examined(man-handled by male nurses whom he did not trust), tested, poked, prodded, surgically operated on (he had had 2 surgeries that had complications) and medicated. He was still himself (like your Jagger) at the end and I wanted to preserve that. I could not watch him continue to deteriorate and become a shadow of his former self.

He was a proud, Alpha-Male Tom Cat. He had been a "King" in New Mexico of a colony of feral's and strays, when I began to take care of him 4.2 years ago. The females adored him and he was trusted with the kittens. The males respected and feared him despite his chronic health problems. He was noble, regal, loyal, kind, sweet, silly and true. He was the light in my life. He saved my life many times over difficult and dark years. 

I hope you continue to travel through time and heal-up. I am glad that your paths crossed with Jagger's when they did. Great name by the way. : )


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Jan_H

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Reply with quote  #15 
Kim - I'm glad to know having Annie's ashes at home brought you some peace.

Jennifer - I hope Reeses' ashes bring you some comfort as well.

Memories of Marmalade - I am very sorry for your loss. Marmalade sounds like a very special kitty. Like Marmalade, Jagger remained sweet and loyal. He took all his problems in stride. Marmalade and Jagger were brave and strong. Like you, I made that most difficult decision to end his suffering. Every day he deteriorated a little bit more and there was no hope of recovery. I wanted his last day to be a good one (relatively speaking) and I did my best to provide him that. Thanks for liking his name.
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