Doglover186
Hey to whoever is reading this, well yesterday my German shepherd Rocky passed away during the day. I loved him more then anything and have been a complete mess. He developed a scare to noises at an older age and one time during a storm when no one was home he tried to break out and ground all of his teeth down in the process of trying to rip the metal door off its hinges. At first he was ok other then having smaller ground down teeth, but all around the same time he began no being able to eat as much losing a lot of weight. Also his eyes stopped producing tears and I had to clean them multiple times a day and I ordered a new drop for his eye every few weeks to try and help. he began losing strength rapidly over the last week or two and was starting to fall to the point where I would have to help him even stand back up. At this point I knew i most likely had to put him down and the next visit to the vet would probably say the same, me being selfish just wanted to wait another week or two, but yesterday while I was at work I got a call from my brother that he passed away on the kitchen floor while napping.

I just can't get it out of my head that I should of done more or tried to do something about his teeth and eyes, I just dont have the money for the surgerys. Even the drops for his eyes at 60 a bottle was straining on me financially. I have an overwhelming feeling of guilt that I caused or didn't prevent suffering that he went threw. His entire life he was a best friend to me but always somewhat distances and anti social at times, but also could be so loving and just come up to me and push his head into me. The last year or two though whenever he would go off on his own away from me I would always wonder if he was in pain of some sort and my head and heart aches to the most extreme thinking about it.

And on top of it all my other German shepherd of a few years younger who has never had a health issue and is the most social butterfly you could imagine has pockets of blood on his spline and one ruptured causing him to lose his balance and not be able to walk for a day and now the vet said the blood is in his stomach and being absorbed back into his body which is good. But there are most pockets of blood and the only sure fix is surgery. I am willing and ready to sacrifice my living to help him, but I just want this all to end and this feeling to go away. I hope I made Rocky have a happy life I gave him all that I could I just don't know what to think..

Sorry if I'm rambling which I'm sure I am, I barely ever post anything online and I have never written anything in my life but for some reason it just felt like I had to write this and I feel like I should share it, by no means is it to win an award or show my lack of writing skills, simply just to vent, but here it is...


Stressed beyond belief..
So hungry, yet I still can not eat
Stomach turning...
Heart burning
Heavy chested, not rested

I know he's better off
But my selfishness wants him back
Missing my best friend
I just want this pain to end
I just want my best friend so bad so much

I hope I gave him a happy life
It feels so hard to do what's right
My boy Rocky I love you so!
I was so privileged to watch you grow...
For now your time has come to an end,
I'll always miss you
I'll always love you, my BEST friend...


To whoever reads this thanks you and please feel free to share your thoughts because I have about lost complete control of mine...
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Tonym
Sorry to hear about your loss....
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Mouflesmama
Doglover, I understand how you feel. I understand the guilt and the heartache, we all have felt it too. Bless you for giving Rocky a home, and your other dog as well. Have you checked into any support in your community for vet bills? I know in my town there are some places to get help. It would not hurt to ask.

I also think about my pet's life and the times she was uncomfortable and threw up. Now I know that she was suffering from tumors all those years. If only I'd known, but of course they can't talk. Rocky could not tell you what was wrong, why he couldn't eat or make tears. How loving of you to give him the drops to try and comfort him. Of course you gave him a good, loving life. You gave him everything that you could and I know that Rocky is thankful that he had you to care for him. You will miss him, and it will take time to gather your thoughts again.

I love your poem, what a wonderful tribute to your best friend. Please take good care of yourself, and your other dog too. I'm sending prayers and healing thoughts your way.
Cathy
“If there ever comes a day when we can't be together keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever”
~Winnie the Pooh
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