Billy353
Hi, I'm new to the site, but I had an event happen today that is really difficult for me to deal with atm and I really need to talk with others about it. My 15 year old cat passed away today and it's hitting me really hard. My cats name was Good because he was a good kitty. I got him when I was 19 years old he was just a little white ball of fur. He and I immediately bonded. He has been with me through thick and thin. He would wake me up every morning when I had work. He would always cheer me up when I was feeling down. He loved me unconditionally, and I loved him back just the same. In 2013 he developed a condition called stomatitis where his immune system would attack his gums causing sores in his mouth. I started noticing this when he would claw at his mouth after eating, and his really bad breath. Eventually he stopped eating because of the pain which really worried me, so I took him to the vet. The Dr did all the usual tests, blood work, x-rays ect. The nexterm day he informed me that it was stomatitis, and that it's a chronic condition that is really hard to cure. He suggested we give him steroid shots every few months to keep the condition in check. It actually worked for awhile but as time went on it stopped working so the Dr put him on a pill called prednisolone also a steroid. Because of his steroid use he eventually developed diabetes. So the Dr took him off the steroids and instructed me on how to manage his diabetes. About this time he stopped eating again because his stomatitis returned, so I decided to syringe feed him to make sure he was getting fed properly. I fed him that way for almost 2 years and he was fine with it along with 2 doses on insulin per day. He was still very energetic and happy and acted normal aside from occasionally expressing pain when he would groom himself.

Fast forward to last Saturday, I noticed him sitting in his litter box with his head down. I went to him to see what was wrong and he looked out of it. For the rest of the day he was very lethargic and kept changing spots in the room as if he was trying to find a spot to get comfortable. At about 1 am the next morning he woke me up with projectile vomit. He threw up everywhere, so I stayed up the rest of the night with him. For the rest of Sunday he kept throwing up and wouldn't keep any of his food down. I was really worried at this point so I checked his blood sugar and it was at 81 which is within normal limits. So I made sure to take him to the vet the very next morning. Monday morning ingredients the vet saw him and figured it was an infection so he gave him a shot and sent him home with meds and a sub q bag that I would use to keep him hydrated. The next morning he looked a lot worse and I realized he hadn't used the litter box since the previous Friday. At this point I was in panic mode so I took him back the next morning and told the vet that I thought he might have some kind of blockage in his urinary or digestive tracks. The vet suggested we do x-rays which showed that his heart, liver and kidneys were all oversized. He said he might have kidney failure but without blood work he wouldn't be able to tell. I spent my last money on the x-rays so I had asked my friend for a loan the next day. I took him in on Wednesday for the blood work and by this time the vet could clearly see that there was something wrong, so he said he would do an ultrasound free of charge and a blood glucose test to boot. The ultrasound looked abnormal, but the Dr wasn't sure what it was. Next he did the bg test and his blood sugar was over 800 which he explained to me that that was a fatal level and the cat had keto acidosis. At this point the Dr said he had to be hospitalized or he would die. He put an iv in him and gave him fast acting insulin which helped a bit. He to,do me to come back tomorrow for the lab results. The next day it was confirmed that the keto acidosis was causing him to have kidney failure and he needed to be in the hospital a few more days to recover. His bg was down to 400 at this point but when I held him his body was limb and felt like jello. I was really worried I would lose him, so I called out a loan on my 401k so I could afford any treatment or surgery that would be necessary. The Dr told me it wasn't about money and that the cat really needed time to recover from this. All night long I worried back and fourth, and had a really bad feeling about all of this. As soon as I woke up this morning I rushed to the vet to see him. When I got there the nurse informed me that he didn't make it through the night. I was heart broken my baby was gone just like that. The vet asstiant said before he left for the evening his be was at 71 so it was back within normal range a bit low but acceptable considering what it had been.
He said he also had pooped which made him think he was recovering. They let me take him home no charge and I buried him in the backyard.

My kitty is gone and it's my fault. I failed him when he needed me the most. I left him to die in a strange place without me there by his side. He was all I had in this world and now I am lost without him. It hurts so bad.

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DoctorGonzo
Bro, I understand your pain, but sounds to me like you did all you could. Take it easy on yourself. Our loving pets are prone to get sick, and every day we have with them is a blessing. Take care of yourself, and when you think you can manage it, there are plenty of kitties everywhere that need you. And one in particular waiting just for you. And remember that your buddy wouldn't want you blaming yourself.
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Bailey15
You certainly did everything you could for "Good" but sadly, as I experienced in November, the time comes when they must leave us. Broken hearted yes, but better for having known such beautiful little spirits!
Good knew you were trying to help him and he would have known (from previous trips to the vet) that you had taken him there for help. Animals are very smart that way at figuring things out. I know you would have liked to be there but in time you will take comfort from the fact that you did everything you possibly could to try and save him. I believe his spirit is staying close to you now because he hates to see you so sad.
Sending hugs and wishing you peace,
MJ :)
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Sampson
Billy,
It is so sad reading your story and seeing how much you loved your cat and I know he loves you back. You pulled out all the stops to help him. (Other animals should be so lucky!)
Sorry for your loss!
S.
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Billy353
Thanks for your touching replies, they mean alot. I don't have anyone to talk to during all of this. And I feel a lot worse today than I did yesterday. I keep expecting him to me there and jump on my lap, or meow, but I know that won't happen. I keep blaming myself for not spending more time with him before he went. I feel I could have done so much more.
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catlover1
Billy-

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I am in a similar situation as you where my precious baby Cody died at the vet. He was 12 years old and I got him when I was 16. Cody had also had loads of problems through the past few years. He had constipation issues so he was on medication and special food for that. In 2014 he developed mast cell tumors on the skin and we had them removed in early 2015. The vet did a test then to see if it had spread to his spleen and it had not. However, the mast cell tumors came back (or we did not catch them all the first time and they spread) in 2015 but he started getting really bad constipation issues again so they wanted to focus on that. Then he developed maybe a lung issue they weren't sure..He started throwing up every single day in December (projectile vomit like you described) and when we took him to the vet in January they found that the mast cells spread to the spleen... During surgery for the spleen removal his blood pressure went low and they brought him back up and finished the surgery. He was starting to wake up from the anesthesia when he passed away.

I hated getting that call from the vet. And I completely understand how you feel about him passing away at the vet and during treatment. It sounds like you did everything you possibly could and then some. Not everyone would do as much for our animals as we did. Cody has been gone over 2 months now and I still feel guilty and think of the "What if we had done something sooner", etc, etc.

It seems like you and Good were attached at the hip like me and Cody were. It has not gotten easier at all unfortunatly but I am glad for all the pictures and videos I took of Cody. I also started to write down loads of memories in a book...I really wanted to do this because sadly as time goes on we lose the small memories as I know from losing a previous cat. 
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Button0428
Dear Billy......my heart breaks for you. I'm so sorry Good passed away. I hope you know that what matters most and what is so obvious is the love and devotion you both had for eachother. I have no doubt, as Good lay resting, he began his journey feeling loved and at peace with thoughts and visions of you. It takes time and the sadness lessens slowly but I pray you realize that he knew you loved him and most likely only asks that you not blame yourself but to continue each day with him forever by your side and in your heart. I know the pain of loss, it's crushing, I know ......I agree with Cody's Mom, grab a journal and start writing as many memories and stories about Good as you can and print out his pictures, it will make a lovely memory book.
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Evie123
Please stop beating yourself up my dear Billy, you did everything you could and more. Good had to be at the vets during his recovery, there was no other way he could have been accurate monitored and medicated. You were clearly the most wonderful and devoted dad and he knows that. It is so hard I know, monster grief as someone quite rightly described it. The first thing we do is question and then blame ourselves. None of us has a crystal ball, we just try and do our best for our babies each day at a time. I admire how much you loved and cared for Good, you should feel proud of yourself for giving him such a wonderful life and the dedication you showed him is unquestionable. Be kinder to yourself my friend, you deserve it. Sending you love and hugs a thousand times over. Xxx
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Billy353
3 days later and it's still like a fresh wound. I can't get over how a week ago he was perfectly fine and now after 15 years he is gone. It doesn't make much since. I keep asking myself if I took him to the right vet. If I would have taken him to a 24 hr one he might still be with me. I'd I have a lot of guilt and regret.
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buttercup12344
I am terribly sorry for your loss of your cat i know how you feel i lost my cat march 1st 2015 its devastating hang in there it does get better :) 
kathryn 
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