nuclearflor
My sweet Kungpaobpassed away at homevin my arms yesterday. She had been diagnosed with breast cancer in November after a tumor was removed and biopsied. In January fluid started accumulating in her right axillary lymph node..they didn't have to tell me what I already knew. She was put on meds and came home. After the cycle of her medication she was back to normal. Until the week before last when the fluid started accumulating once again. I took her to the vet and her chest xray lit up like a Christmas tree..it had spread everywhere. It was just a matter of time so I made the best of it. We slept together and on Thursday we took her to the beach to watch the sunset. It was the most beautiful sunset I will ever see. My poor girl rapidly declined the next day. Prior to that she had a poor appetite but would eat and she was drinking, urinating and defecating but because she was weaker I would carry her so she wouldn't exert herself. She did not cry out in pain and she she did not appear to be in distress..my girl was simply dying. I was crying all the time and my boyfriend told me to stop because she was probably holding on because of me. So yesterday I did not cry once, I was at her side all day long, carried her when I felt she should go potty offered her food & water (which she wouldn't take) and told her how very much I loved her as I had been but without the tears. Half an hour after my daughter came home from school I was sitting with kungpao on the couch, her head in my lap petting her. I sang her "you are my sunshine" and told her it was OK to let go, not be afraid and not to worry about me. I told her that even though she would have to leave me behind we would be together one day and I promised her that we would never leave each others side again. I thanked her for loving me, letting me love her and told her that God and Jesus would take care of her until I got there. I also explained to her why we put her dog bone ornament at the top of the tree every year instead of a star. She looked me in my eyes and I told her it was because she is and always will be our star. And with that I continued to pet her head and told her it was OK to let go. A few seconds later she made vomiting noises, threw up a little, gave out a moan. her head went back and her back arched as her legs stiffened..I called out for my daughter and as she took her last breathes we petted her, I told her not to be scared or worried and that I loved her more than life itself.. I just kept repeating that until I heard the last breath escape from her body as it went limp. At that precise moment my mother walked through the door. So my sweet girl was surrounded by my mom, grandmother, my daughter and myself. I woke up this morning crying. I see her bed, her pictures, her collar. She is everywhere in my mind and in my house. I keep smelling her collar and I am terrified of the day that it no longer smells like her. I miss her so much my heart aches and my hands tremble and I keep hoping this is just some horrible nightmare. She went so fast that I didn't have time to complete her bucket list but I feel blessed that we had that most perfect sunset together..our sunset. I talk to her and look at her pictures and pray with every cell in my being that she did not suffer and that I did not betray my best friend by lying in saying that she had nothing to fear. I could not live with myself if she did and if she did I hope that I feel a thousand times over what she did as punishment. My sweet kungpao..I feel lost and empty without your presence and I sadly now understand why. It wasn't because I merely loved you, but because you were a part of me that is now gone and irreplaceable... Kungpao always..and forever.
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indcolts18288
This made me cry. I am so sorry for your loss. You have come to the right place. I too just lost my dog 4 days ago. She also had cancer and while she lived a very healthy and happy life for 13yrs the last month was different especially the last 2 weeks. I had her put to sleep and she too died in my arms while I was telling her it was going to be ok that how much she was loved. It was the hardest and most gut wrenching thing I've ever done. I feel like a part of me died with her. Four days later and I'm still in great pain as I imagine it will last for a while. But I can tell you some things for certain. She is in Heaven, the very same Heaven we go to, you did nothing to her that was wrong and she loves you still as much as you loved her. I had a really bad day yesterday. Then this morning I came across a part of this amazing site where I read scripture from the Bible that is proof that our babies are in Heaven and that Heaven is a privilege that is not solely for humans but for our pets as well. And let me tell you, it has lifted me in a way I cannot describe! My heart is still broken beyond repair and my gut still aches with sadness, my soul hurts so badly. But to know that my sweet baby girl is in heaven waiting for me, happy, safe, and without pain has set something free in me and also strengthened my faith. I wish you peace in this horrible time it is truly the most difficult thing I've endured and probably the same for you. So I leave you the link to these passages in the Bible and I hope they help you at least a little. I'm so very sorry.
http://rainbowsbridge.com/Grief_Support_Center/Grief_Support/scripture.htm

-Alicia
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nuclearflor
indcolts18288 I am so very sorry for your loss as well. I read the verses and I did find comfort in them. I know that with time it will get easier to face the day without my sweet girl but that hole will never be filled and I'm ok with that. I thank you for your kind words and God for having directed me to this site.
Rose
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