Sammy123
I cannot handle this sorrow and pain of losing my beloved dog Sam my sweet sweet boy to mast cell cancer on the 23rd of June, I feel I can’t go on without his loyal and unconditional love everything I did I did for him my heart is breaking! 4A5A15D7-AAE6-4128-BE3C-E6B0F926ABF5.jpeg  B501BD28-78CB-4A60-AB9F-6720D2918852.jpeg 
Shelley Dowe
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P_Mom
Dear Shelley, what a beautiful boy your beloved Sam. ❤ I'm so very sorry for your loss.  I completely understand the pain is agony and unbearable as our pups are such a deep part of us. It's evident the great love and bond you shared by your words and the beautiful picture of you & Sam. ❤❤  

I lost my baby boy 4.5 months ago and have little strength, but find some comfort here with those who understand.  I hope you do as well. 

Sending love and hugs your way in this most difficult time XOXO

Jennifer
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Sammy123
Jennifer,
Thank you for your kind words and thoughtfulness. I’m completely devastated I seriously do not know how to deal with this deep deep sorrow I’ve never felt such pain for Sam and I were inseparable. He was my heart and he needed me as much as I needed him, he was the reason I woke up I did everything for him. I feel like I’m in a horrible dream and stuck in it, how can I move through this without having a breakdown which I feel may be possible! Sam was with me everywhere! If you want to know how many steps he took in a day just look at my fit bit, I am glad to find this site, but I don’t know what to do my husband is going to get Sam’s ashes today and I feel I can’t face it! He was supposed to bring him home like my sweet boy Sam not this way. I can’t stop crying and shaking, I really do thank you for sharing your story I’m also so very sorry for your loss!! How are you coping if you can? I’m broken:(

Please keep in touch,

Shelley & Sam

[image0]

Shelley Dowe
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Runningman66
So sorry for your loss and what a beauty he is.We are all here because we’ve suffered or are suffering the pain you are experiencing right now.Non pet owners will never know losing a beloved companion is probably one of the most traumatic experiences we will ever have in our lives and I can only wish you prayers and peace in overcoming your grief as it’s a long road ahead to getting back to something like normality.I should know because I’m a long long way off that.

Love Runningman
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Sammy123
Thank you so very much for your kindness and sharing your prayers for us!  I also send you prayers as well, I’m so afraid right now I literally feel like I cannot take it, I feel so alone without him he was one of a kind to me we were meant to find one another 12 years ago, now I feel as if my right arm is missing, my heart is bleeding.  I’m scared to face my days they are filled with grief 😢 I’m lost, but I am grateful for the very thoughtful responses Sam and I have received I cannot do this alone Thank you 🙏🏻 
Shelley Dowe
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P_Mom
Shelley, I so understand your pain. I 100% 'get' everything you said.  I lost my first love, canine soulmate, and my heart, Patch, to kidney failure. He just turned 15. A little 10lb chihuahua mix I had since a beautiful puppy.  It all happened in a little over a week he began snubbing food, vomiting.  His kidney values were elevated and we were trying new meds to ease arthritis and be gentler on his organs, but I thought he was under the weather so I was shocked and devastated to learn he was in actual kidney failure.  We had few options, or options given weren't long term and I felt would put him through too much (leave him 2-3 nights for a detox and daily injections to give him a few more weeks) for the grim prognosis. It all happened within 24 hrs.  I had to make the decision to let him go. Everyday I battle with did I do enough to save him?  Did I react too quickly in fear of him suffering?  I did not want him to feel pain 1 minute of his life and he was aging with some other conditions, but feel strongly he should be here right now and there is nothing I can do.  

Patch was beside me through the death of both my parents, divorce and remarriage, moves, job changes - every major life event. We had several years alone together when divorced and then he graciously accepted a new dog, ironically my Sam, when he was 7. I think I'm only getting through because of Sam and my husband.  Most others don't understand the grief - at least at this level.

I'm trying to get by literally minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day - that's my best advice for someone (we) who are so connected to our loves.  I also joined here about a month ago because I needed help, then deleted my account because it became unbearable for me to talk about it, but then realized there truly is comfort here with so many understanding people going through what we are so had to create a new account to rejoin. I think you finding this site sooner than I did will help in coping. ❤ I've also been reading books on dogs passing and keeping a journal of Patch's life which is helping.

I'm trying to cope as best I can one moment at a time. I've been desperate - even googled a way to 'turn back time' to see if maybe something out there we all don't know about I could do. I'd trade my home, nearly everything to be with him just one more minute.  

I love those pics of your Sammy - simply such a gorgeous boy.  Know that your deep love for Sammy made his life a most wonderful life and I believe that love never dies, it does continue....❤

XOXO

Jennifer
Patch's Mom 
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Sammy123
Thank you for sharing your sorrowful story of your sweet baby! Sam was in discomfort and started throwing up blood the last few hours prior to my husband taking him to the ER I think because of this big mass and the fluid retention and after trying two chemo medications and cooking Whole Foods, supplements all organic treats, oils, and even I would play healing vibrations throughout the house and daily prayers to try to heal my Sam!!!! He still with all the fluid in his leg and heavy mass still tried to follow mamma :(. We were down to one last chemo to try the IV chemo which I prayed to God from the beginning I wouldn’t have to do that, that day he was supposed to get it he got very ill, he loved his ball and following me around more then anything and he just couldn’t.  It was heart wrenching to see him in such discomfort I seen his eyes that night he looked liked he didn’t want it anymore, but I still had hope they would help and my husband would bring him back home that never happened my husband and my mom were with my Sam, I feel guilty I feel maybe I should have done something sooner or should I have tried more, he was so ill that night literally 12 hours prior he was eating licking his bone with broth and veggies laying with me, then all of a sudden so they think it was cancer in his abdomen they said it happened fast so my husband had to make that decision.  My nephew was with me while I battled it on the phone with the dr and my husband once I hung up a little bit later I heard a noise in my sink looked at the clock 332am felt him leave, my husband said that’s about the time.   I have never felt such war with myself and sorrow such loss my little sweet sweet handsome boy what do I do without him!  I cried myself to sleep in his bed that night been crying and shaking since, I want to see him it feels like forever already I’m scared.    I’m sorry for your sudden loss as well that is a heartbreaking story my prayers are with you, I pray to God Sam visits me and gives me signs he’s around, and I pray to God please to let us be together again.

Shelley & Sam 
Shelley Dowe
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P_Mom
Wow Shelley, you really did absolutely all you could do for your sweet Sam - I love that you even played healing vibrations for him!!! 🤗I'm sure every one of those thoughtful things and healthy diet helped him too. You are open to signs, I am too and intresting that noise in your sink was around the same he departed, and I know you felt it too.  Oh how your words resonate so much - I too feel like it's been forever and told my husband numerous times someone cut off one of my limbs to try to explain it.

It sounds like you knew Sam was tired and your family made the best decision for his well being and he was surrounded by love.  The guilt is the worst - no matter how much we do - we question, question, question why this, that? But you didn't know sooner or you would've done something - that's all we know at the time. I too play that over and over because we love them so much and they deserve only the best.  I'm coming to terms with the fact I'm only human and sadly (and unfairly) their lives are so short. 

Here is a book I read (out of several) that I found to help a bit as it's written by a grief counselor who lost her dog too.  In the meantime, be gentle with yourself as you know that's what Sam wants for his Mommy. 

https://www.amazon.com/Only-Gone-Your-Sight-McAfghans-ebook/dp/

Jennifer XO

^it looks like link didn't work, book is: 'Only Gone from Your Sight' by Kate McGahan written from her dog Jack's perspective.  I believe Runningman read it too after losing his beloved Coco
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Runningman66
P_Mom wrote:
Wow Shelley, you really did absolutely all you could do for your sweet Sam - I love that you even played healing vibrations for him!!! 🤗I'm sure every one of those thoughtful things and healthy diet helped him too. You are open to signs, I am too and intresting that noise in your sink was around the same he departed, and I know you felt it too.  Oh how your words resonate so much - I too feel like it's been forever and told my husband numerous times someone cut off one of my limbs to try to explain it.

It sounds like you knew Sam was tired and your family made the best decision for his well being and he was surrounded by love.  The guilt is the worst - no matter how much we do - we question, question, question why this, that? But you didn't know sooner or you would've done something - that's all we know at the time. I too play that over and over because we love them so much and they deserve only the best.  I'm coming to terms with the fact I'm only human and sadly (and unfairly) their lives are so short. 

Here is a book I read (out of several) that I found to help a bit as it's written by a grief counselor who lost her dog too.  In the meantime, be gentle with yourself as you know that's what Sam wants for his Mommy. 

https://www.amazon.com/Only-Gone-Your-Sight-McAfghans-ebook/dp/

Jennifer XO

^it looks like link didn't work, book is: 'Only Gone from Your Sight' by Kate McGahan written from her dog Jack's perspective.  I believe Runningman read it too after losing his beloved Coco
Yes she has four books listed on Amazon but be warned have the tissues by your side but Shelley I’d like to echo Jennifer’s comments that you did everything in your power for your sweet boy and from what you say he was a very loved cared for member of your family and I personally have come to accept that when their time has come illness and sickness is usually but not in all cases may I add their way of saying it’s time for them to go and say goodbye.As for signs I’ve had the odd one or two but not sure if these have just been in my mind but I’m desperate to know if he’s alright and he forgives me for his suffering when I could have ended it much sooner but selfishly I didn’t want him to leave me alone.Loneliness without my Coco is a horrible existence but something I must overcome.
Love Runningman xx
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Sammy123

Jennifer & Runningman,

Thank you for the gentle and thoughtfulness of your posts to me for Sam.  I am in desperate need to communicate with him, I am open to it and need to know he’s great and he is with me,  I will look at that book, but I can’t even listen to music for I cry with or without it,  I do feel I need help with this and all I can get right now.  I found Danielle Mackinnon on YouTube please look her up she speaks about pet communication, getting signs, and grieving; however I’m in so much pain of loss I’m in bed now writing this, I played meditation healing chakra music to try to fall asleep it was 1230 or so before I passed out from crying and exhaustion,   I write Sam a note put it by my bed and speak it for him to come visit in my dreams, I think my grief is to strong for him to get through I don’t know at least that is what Danielle says, but I can’t control how horribly I miss him here next to me.  If you look her up maybe she can help both of you and anyone else who does not know of her, but nothing helping me here, your communication is very nice and it is nice to know I’m unfortunately not alone in this situation of great loss.  Why can a chimp or bird live a very long life, but such loyal companions who give such unconditional love and teach us so much not!  

Sweet picture of your baby Coco 
Shelley & Sam 

Shelley Dowe
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P_Mom
I know, it's excruciating.  I still cry every single day, multiple times.  Thank you for the tip on Danielle, I will definitely look into her. I've been very close to booking an appt with animal communicator Karen Anderson.  Read her book the Amazing Afterlife of Animals.  I found it just ok but also need to find out and communicate with Patch. 

You are not alone, we and so many on here are in this together from all over the world.  It's a true testament to how incredible our babies are.  I know it's hard, but try to get some rest - wishing you dreams of Sam. ❤ 

Runningman - I love that pic of your big boy -  the adoring way he's looking up at you ❤❤.  You gave Coco a wonderful life - look at this pic - I don't think there is anything you need to be forgiven for.  XO

Jennifer 
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Sammy123
7C201BE8-00A8-4DE2-BCAC-0A5C1C66FDCD.jpeg  That was sweet to Say that’s how he looked at me always, he keep me sane and calmer then I would be without him! Thank you for all of your advice I need support and help and guidance!  Running man you put Coco’s name when you meant to put Sam I’ve been doing that as well as calling my greyhound Sam who now has bad hips here.   Please keep in touch with me as I need all the support from all of you here and I hope one day I can be as supportive just right now I’m so miserable just got my Sam’s ashes today I still think he will be coming home like he was I’m truly in shock I miss him so, 😢 
Shelley Dowe
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Runningman66
Apologies for my mistake Shelley.Grief can certainly mess our heads up.That pic tells us all the affection and love Sam had for you and vice versa but can I suggest assuming it’s not to early for you to have a corner in your house as a shrine to Sam with a picture,candle,one of his toys and his ashes (pic attached) as this has certainly helped me even though I still find it hard to believe my boy is in that little wooden box.Sunday morning here in the UK when we’d be getting ready for our 3 mile walk but now I can’t even bear to go out on my own as it’s just to painful.Can I also recommend the Etsy app as there is some beautiful memorial gifts on there to remember our pets as I have spent quite a lot myself since my boy passed.Thanks also Jennifer for your kind words.We are here for each other 
Love Runningman xx
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Sammy123
I still can’t believe I’m talking about my Sam not being here it’s literally so unbelievable to me, yes that’s beautiful what you did I plan on it for sure. As you know it’s hard I can’t even sit on my back patio he was with his ball with me always!!! I cry constantly I pray that you also find peace, but I hope it’s sooner then later I can’t really take this!  Thank you again I feel such deep sorrow.
Shelley Dowe
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lindydawn
Shelley im so sorry for the loss of Sam I can tell he was really loved. I am on day 12 after losing my sweet baby girl Kia. I have not bawled the last two days which is an improvement but night time is the worst.  I lay in bed and think about her and my mind is a million places.  I was a complete mess the 1st like 7 or 8 days.  I had a break down the one night and as awful as it felt i think i needed it. Losing Kia has been the hardest thing I've ever gone through and i feel so sick everytime i thinn about her being gone forever.  This forum has definitely helped me and i also booked a medium session for july 14th hoping i can find out my baby is ok. I am sending so much love cause i know your pain.  ❤❤ this is a pic of me and my sweet girl 
Kias mommy 
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