tracyh8915
Lulu,

From the moment we saw you I knew you were special. You were the little runt who had to be bottle fed and it seemed as if all odds were against you. I knew you were the one for me. I will never forget the first night I brought you home and you were in bed with me shaking and I promised you I would give you the best life imaginable. I made sure to know every health concern of a English Bulldog and vowed to do everything in my power to shield you from any illness or discomfort. When we had you spayed, the vet said "In my 30 years of practice, I never saw a female dog with such under-developed ovaries." I knew you were truly special. You went everywhere with me... work, to family and friends.. if you couldn't go I would't go.

When you started limping, we thought you having bouts of arthritis. You were 10 ... how could I have known your to poor little front leg would have bone cancer. All of the professionals said we had to immediately take you little leg. They said that we would get a year (at best). I did not believe them as I would be sure that you would beat the odds.

I did not know what else to do. My heart broke the moment Daddy and I saw you. We made that promise to encourage you, help you and love you even more than we already had... if that is even possible. After those 10 years... When they told us you were born with one kidney... I knew you what it took to beat the odds.  

We went to 3 different oncologists until I felt we would have the perfect fit for you. We gave you every treatment possible. 

I knew you were slowing down. I felt blessed that I could carry more, kiss you every time you were in my arms.

I cannot believe that your lungs failed you. I was told that was a possibility but I said no ... not my Lulu. When Daddy called me to tell me you were turning blue and needed oxygen I fell to my knees. I tried to make it home to you. I made it on a flight... but I was too late. I cannot begin to tell you how a part of me has died. 

Words cannot describe the pain I am feeling. I am truly devastated you are no longer with me. I am so sorry I went out of town. I should have been there for those last two days and for that I do not know if I can ever forgive myself. I was in denial that the end was approaching. I could not wrap my heard around the fact that I may never see you again. 

You were my everything... my soulmate... my confident.

I lived for caring for you. I just want to be with you. To hold you again, to feed you again, to carry you again. You were with me for almost 11 years of every waking moment of my life. People thought I was crazy bringing you everywhere, they truly did not grasp the depths of our connection. 

How do I live without you? Our house is no longer a home without you. 

Will it ever get any easier? I always told you that you were my gift from God and that was an understatement. What in my life did I do to deserve the unbelievable love you gave me. I gave you my heart...my whole heart and now I feel an indescribable emptiness without you.

I just want to sing You're My Best Friend by Queen to you one more time as ...

"Ooh, you make me live
Whatever this world can give to me
It's you you're all I see
Ooh, you make me live now honey
Ooh, you make me live
Oh, you're the best friend that I ever had
I've been with you such a long time
You're my sunshine and I want you to know
That my feelings are true
I really love you
Oh, you're my best friend"

I do not see peace in my foreseeable future. I am in so much pain without you. My soulmate is gone and I cannot believe it. Daddy thinks I need to go to a support group. I don't know what to do. I am lost and in a fog. I feel like I failed you. I do know this ... I will love you for the rest of my life.
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Tracy
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BorderCollieLover
Tracy:

  i just read your post. My condolences about your beloved English Bull Dog (LuLu). What an truly amazing story. You did a tremendous job of caring for her through all kinds of adversity. We all commend you on that. You took her everywhere. Did everything together. She was your little girl. I can certainly relate. I took my dog everywhere with me. Always included her (Border Collie) in all activities. I love the pictures of LuLu. English Bull Dogs are a great breed. Very people and family friendly. They adapt well to most social situations and are good with kids. You had a wonderful relationship with LuLu that will be forever. Your tears are just a testament of your genuine love for your little girl. I hope that you post here often as this Forum can be very therapeutic. 

Jim
Jim Miller
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tracyh8915
Thank you Jim. I am finding some solace in the forum. I don't know how to move on. My everyday life from the moment I woke up to when I went to sleep revolved around her. 
Tracy
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MyBella
Dear Tracy, 

I am so, so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Lulu, I love the photos of her that you have posted.
Reading how your sweet Lulu fought through so much is so amazing, I see such similarities with your precious Lulu and my little girl, they didn't give up, they never let any set-backs deter them from anything, they made us better people with how they lived their lives, they certainly left a mark on our lives and unfortunately a painfully broken heart when they had to leave.

Sending our most positive healing thoughts your way, may your heart always know and feel the pure love and light that is your beautiful Lulu, bringing with her love, the peace, strength and healing you so deserve.

I am truly so for your loss, sincerely, Don, Vera and forever our little Bella

Image result for keep me in your heart forever pooh quote

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tracyh8915
Thank you so much! 
Tracy
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