AliciaTX Show full post »
AliciaTX
It has been two weeks, today, since my Missy died.  It still hurts so much.  I finally picked her bowl up on Thursday...my husband and daughter were leaving it for me because they felt I needed to be the one to pick it up when I was ready.  I wasn't even planning to do it, but the floor was dirty and needed to be swept and I was going to just sweep around it because I didn't want to move it.  But then I was having a hard time getting the area around the bowl clean so I just picked it up.  When I did I felt a physical stabbing pain in my heart and I started bawling again but I thought I'm not putting it back down so I have to do this again.  So I put it away.  
I have this strange defense mechanism where when I am hurt or angry or upset I go into this kind of cleaning frenzy.  I don't know why I do it except for some reason the routine actions of cleaning take my mind off other things.  So, I've been in this cleaning frenzy for the last couple of days.  I got up on Thursday and just started cleaning the house and I cleaned all day until bedtime.  So when I picked up Missy's bowl I was able to not think about it after I put it away because I was preoccupied with cleaning.  I'm just too tired to clean today though...I guess I'll just have to let the feelings come today :(  I miss her so much!
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AliciaTX
Yesterday we had snow and I thought of how Missy would have hated it and I would have had to coax her just to get her to go outside. Even then, I found myself missing her.. but I did find some joy watching the other babies playing inthe snow. Missy, mommy loves and misses you so much!
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