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LUCYLULU

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Reply with quote  #16 
Hi Cam~  I was thinking of you too. Rosalyn is 'just loving life' thanks to you! Sending you huge, healing hugs!!! Kasey
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camunki

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Reply with quote  #17 
thank you Kasey, it means alot....I have just gathered so many pics of my Jemma......still have to pick up her ashes and a pic for her urn.....i am writing down the things i need to do for her.............and i journal each day.......i have had alot of meltdowns today, its cuz i love that girl and miss her dearly. When i think of last week at this time, i spent the night on the living room floor laying with her cuz i truly thought it was her "last night".......I am thankful that i had 3 extra days........but its so new to me, only day #4 and i miss my girl.

I am all too familiar with losing a loved one and now to repeat those steps again, one minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time.....and i'll be posting here more often........i thank you Kasey (we go way back to early this year) and all others for their kind, caring, help on this awful path we call grief....(((hugs)))

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camunki

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Reply with quote  #18 
Good morning Jemma, and Munki And Daizy too.........first day since last Friday when you were put to rest my sweet Jemma....I had a dream last night of all 3 of you, and that put a smile on my face! I did not wake up with tears. I do know each morning will not be like today, but I am taking baby steps. I do get sad when i get up cuz i miss having you sleep between my legs, and you always greeted me with kisses and laying your head next to mine on the pillow. Seems like time just keeps rolling by, sometimes faster than i want.

Well I am off to take you all with me for a "walk".....and I know the tears will fall, and that is ok, I love and miss you all dearly!

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Jody

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Reply with quote  #19 
What a great gift they gave you last night in your dreams! All 3 of them! That is just beautiful. When Tony is in my dreams, I actually feel like I spent hours with him. Time keeps moving, even though we don't when we are grieving. I was so scared of time. I didn't want to let Tony go. I didn't want time to come between our last hours together. But, it did. Comfort follows as you know being through this so much! My heart aches for the pain you have been through. If I times my pain by 3, I just can't even imagine it. Stay strong, as strong as I know you are! Rosalyn is there for you and you two will build a bond together that will be so beautiful! Always thinking of you Cam...thank you for being a rock for me, as well as a few others, when I thought I was dying myself...you will always be someone I remember years down the road. I will always know Tony is with Daizy, Munki, Jemma, Jim and Bella. The ones who touched my heart and found my Tony to take care of him! You all reached out to me beyond what I could have ever imagined. I will be forever grateful for you all! Always here for you...
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camunki

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Reply with quote  #20 
thanks Jody...the dream last night was good, I just remember trying to confine Munki to her own area, she was blind so I liked to keep her in the living room where she knew her way around. In the dream she was being confined in the kitchen, then i remember seeing
her in her own little corner. I also saw Daizy and Jemma walking by in this dream. It was a fast dream, trying to remember it all, important thing is i seen all of them in this dream so that brought a smile to my face.

I also received a call from my Vet today, that brought so many tears to my eyes after the call.....especially when the vet said Jemma was in great health...until she got this IMHA...and again, i said to myself don't go back looking for reasons........and thats what i did, looked on the computer, searched everywhere.........and IMHA is one of those things that vets "do not know" how dogs get it...it is one of those things that I will never know after so many pills, transfusions, tests, ultrasounds, xrays...etc...they did not know...What they knew was the blood transfusions did not help as much as they wanted, cuz in the end, after 2 transfusions Jemma was still losing blood. An article on IMHA stated Four letters you never want to meet, i guess it is a 50/50 shot of living, but after reading it is more a 7% shot of living life, not good odds and this took her life.

Anyways............I cried at the park today walking Rosalyn, sometimes this just feels like a flashback of when i was greiving my Munki....just taking things hour by hour step by step.

And Jody, i thank YOU for your kind words and for helping me during this tough time, you are my rock! And may our beloved Tony, be having a grand ol' time in the heavenly skies with Jemma, Daizy and Munki......and yes, never forgetting Jim and sweet Bella!

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camunki

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Reply with quote  #21 
well today, I picked up Jemma's ashes.....at first when the Pet Cemetary called i was going to wait til tomorrow since i have to go to work shortly, then i thought, no, i can't leave Jemma in some building, knowing she is ready to be picked up. Wow i had a crying festival on the way to the cemetary, moreso, when i pulled into the parking lot. Flashbacks of 10 1/2 months ago when i did the same thing for my Munki.

I brought Rosalyn with me........went inside and picked up her ashes and me and Rosalyn walked over the "Rainbow Bridge" it is a great peaceful setting with gravestones and trees and lots of grass, sad too seeing all the precious pets who have passed. I walked over this bridge carrying Jemma with me, tears rolling.....I said my prayers after i crossed to Jemma and of course Daizy and Munki and sat down for a bit and just cried. It was good for me to do this. I try to picture when Jemma crossed and saw the "light" to her new world. I was crying on the way home today too.

I placed Jemmas ashes on my nightstand for now, and will transfer them into a better urn with her picture on it and have her memory live on forever.

I guess this is part of the journey.........I love you Jemma, Munki and Daizy

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jimmy17

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Reply with quote  #22 
Hi Cam, well I can imagine just how hard today has been for you, but hopefully having Rosalyn by your side helped a little.  At least Jemma is home - I know I felt a bit better when we brought Jim`s ashes home, but whatever, Jemma will be with you forever within your heart and mind.   I`m so glad you had a dream about all 3 of your special little babies, sweet dreams of them do help a little with the grief - and I`m certain they were letting you know they are all so happy being back together again, along with Jim, Tony, Bella, Bailey and Lucy. I can just imagine them all up there swapping stories about the wonderful lives they shared with us!!   Take care, and give Rosalyn a big hug from me. x

                                                                              Hugs, Jackie

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Jody

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Reply with quote  #23 
Yes, I see them all together too!!! Thank you for the hug you sent me! Hoping some peace with getting Jemma back today came into your heart! Thinking of all of you!!!
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camunki

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Reply with quote  #24 
thank you Jackie and Jody, it means alot. And yes, Jackie, taking Jemmas ashes "home" today felt really good, i felt a huge part of her is with me now. I sometimes get sad when i see the ashes, thinking she has "passed on"....but I also like having the ashes cuz she is at home with me now. The ashes are part of her, her body, her everything, especially her beautiful heart, mind and soul. Now to just find a nice urn, with a top closing lid (I bought one off of Etsy hand made with my own dimensions, and the hinged lid opens at the top) i like top opening ones cuz i like to hold the ashes especially now since this is so new. I was driving to work thinking of this post and said "yes, Jemma, Munki, Daizy, Jim, Tony, Bella, Bailey and Lucy, are all gathered around barking up a storm, wiggling their bottoms and happy that *us* proud parents were connected in this way, spreading the legacy of love for "our babies"..........and yes, they are all forever loved. Brings a warm smile to my face.

thank you ((Jackie & Jody)) for your kind words and hoping tomorrow will be just a tad bit brighter for me, one day at a time, one step at a time!

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Bailey15

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Reply with quote  #25 
Hi Cam,
I am hoping that each day will be a bit brighter for you too. You have had so many losses in a relatively short period of time! Jemma's picture is beautiful and she looks like such a happy girl! I think it's wonderful that she was healthy until this happened. I think that she must have been so happy (and proud) that you were able to stay with her after she passed. You loved them all so much: Daizy, Munki and now Jemma. I know that mourning is so very difficult! Please just be kind to yourself and take as much time as you need. Our pets are our family members. We love them every bit as much as much and the loss(s) really are devastating. Someone told me once that grieving is a process where you see your healing through having more good minutes than bad during the day and I did find that was true. I had to crawl so slowly out of that hole and now I enjoy most of the day with Charlie. When I pass Bailey's picture (with his urn beside it) just for a moment I feel that pain but also a surge of love and acceptance. It will be a year since I lost Bailey in 13 days and it's been hard thinking about it but as the time gets closer I am so happy and grateful I had him in my life. Cam, I know you are still grieving Munki and Daizy and now beautiful Jemma is with them. I can't imagine how difficult and painful that must be! I do think you have 3 special angels watching over you (and Rosalyn) now and they are sad to see their mom so sad but also grateful for the beautiful life they had with you. These next few weeks and months will be hard as you know but try and remember that these dogs loved you and their life with you and that was a huge gift that you gave them. Give that sweet Rosalyn a hug this morning and know that you are not alone. Thinking of you and wishing you peace today. Hugs, MJ
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camunki

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Reply with quote  #26 
Thank you MJ, as I opened my eyes today soft tears rolled down, i know mornings are very hard, but coming home at night seems worse, opening that door and only seeing Rosalyn to greet me and not Jemma by her side...that is what hurts. I still have a "spot" on the living room rug, that was stained by Jemma, (she couldnt hold her bowels, as she could barely walk due to the IMHA)...we spent our last night (here at home on Tues Oct 18th) I slept right by her side on the living room floor holding her and being so close to her side as I really thought that was going to be Jemmas last night "ever", thankfully she lived 3 more days (but in the ICU hospital).

Well this morning, the tears were shedding and Rosalyn my lovable adopted Pit bull comes over to me and rests her head in my hand as i am laying sideways, her nose is touching mine, and her eyes are closed as she sleeps her head in the palm of my hand. Wow, i love this Rosalyn, and she was part of the reason why I adopted, was to keep Jemma company, and they had the best 8 months together.

And, yes I know Jemma had a great life she was happy and very healthy up til last week on Monday....she lived a great 11 years 5 months and 9 days...and yes we all want longer time.


And yes, Munkis one year is coming up in 5 weeks (so around 35 days from now) and I know that will be a hurting time. I was happy to get to a place with Munki when the tears stopped and happy memories consumed me.....but that was shattered a month and 1/2 later when my Jemma crossed. I am just hoping for some type of good to come out of this, seems like in the past 21 months between tears for Daizy, then Munki and now Jemma, i have only had a little over 4 months of *no tears*. But now the process starts again....there is no timetable for my tears and sadness, just taking things one day at a time, but i know the next couple of months for sure will be the hardest. And yes, i do have 3 special angels above, who are all loved and did live a great life, yes I wanted longer for each but sometimes in life we have no control over the life expectancy.

I will love and cherish each of my babies til my time on earth is over..........and can't wait for that day til we meet again.

Thank you MJ for your kindest of words! And i can't believe in 13 days it will be your Baileys one year..how time flies, i remember coming here and posting with you way back in January......my heart goes out to you and i thank you for being there for me for such a long time!

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Timmymissu

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Reply with quote  #27 
Im so sorry for your losses it is heartbreaking i sooo wish i could dream of my timmy but its not happning and it breaks my heart i have a photo and some of his fur under my pillow snd still no dreams are coming xx
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camunki

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Reply with quote  #28 
 Hi, .dreams do come, it may take time....from my previous pets that have passed on....the dreams usually come to me in around 20 to 30 days later, with Jemma a dream came much sooner, and I am thankful for that. 

Be patient with the dreams they will come........and I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Timmy yet glad you have photos and fur to keep his legacy living on.

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camunki

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Reply with quote  #29 
Hello Sweet Jemma.....and Munki and Daizy too. Mum has been having a hard time recently, the past 21 months I guess have been really tough. More so now, when I think of you Jemma, flashbacks of your sister Munki come to mind, then Daizy. 

Sad that last Xmas was going to be your last, and even last Thanksgiving would be your last, it was Munki's last Thanksgiving also in 2015.

I wake up in the mornings, crying thinking of you all.... and missing you all...but then I try to think of a good memory of each of you and that does bring a smile to my face.

Jemma, 2 weeks ago you were alive, but that is when all the health issues came to head, and then your health declined. It seems like yesterday that I saw you. Coming home after work is the hardest, when i leave my work building, tears start to flow, I cry on the way home and have a pit in my stomach coming into the house. I remember how you'd always move those vertical blinds to see me pulling into the driveway, I miss that. I miss you and Rosalyn both greeting me at the front door when I walked in....and you were never short on kisses Jemma, I miss your love and I miss you. I am thankful that I still have Rosalyn, who in a way I adopted to keep you company since you lost your beloved sisters Munki and Daizy in 2015. I take daily walks with Rosalyn and think of you the whole time and talking to you.  One of my fondest memories was the tiny kiss you gave me on your last day at 1:42pm, you kissed my nose/upper lip and I am thankful for that, even though you were weak, you were filled with love.

I have your ashes near my nightstand, (which i hold and kiss everyday) and cannot even think of putting you into your urn, or a picture on your urn, it seems so final...your ashes mean alot to me, as they are your body and your heart, my baby Jemma....someday when i am ready i will do this. I have so many things to do keeping your memory alive, but in time.

Keeping this thread going for your legacy Jemma.....you will forever be in my heart and on my mind (you too Munki and Daizy) I love you all more than I love life, and I will keep that love going.

I close my eyes at times, and picture myself walking up to heavens gates and when I enter....i see happy dogs, happy tails and hearts filled with love, it is a good vision.

I am glad each day before our walks i gave you 11 kisses (one for each year) and before going to work you were kissed and when i came home more kisses....I love you so much!

I love you forever Jemma, Munki and Daizy.......and yes we will meet again!

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jimmy17

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Reply with quote  #30 
Hi Cam, I am so glad you are trying to remember happier times with your 3 beautiful babies, and that it brings you a smile, and I love your vision of walking through heavens gates to be greeted with so much love from them.  Yes, I`m so certain they will be there to meet us - and to tell us what they`ve been up to since they had to leave us behind - no doubt lots of fun and games !!   I know its very early days since losing Jemma, and all the "firsts" that come along. With it being Halloween yesterday and fireworks being set off, thoughts turned to how much Jim hated fireworks, and all I could think of was that the one good thing is that he`s no longer suffering from all the loud bangs - even with anxiety medication he still used to get in a terrible state, so much so that we were terrified he would have a heart attack - it really was that bad. 
 Anyway, I know Rosalyn is helping you through right now - dogs are so tuned into our needs, so she will be doing her best to bring a smile to her mum. Take care Cam.

Jackie x

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