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camunki

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Reply with quote  #1 
Wow, this is so hard to talk about. My sweet Jemma crossed that bridge at 3:11pm yesterday, as her health went downhill fast since Monday 10/17. I woke up in a fog today, again trying not to believe i will not physically see her again. Saddest part, is i went thru this last year, well 10 months ago when I lost my Munki on Dec 3rd, and 11 months prior to that losing my sweet Daizy on Jan 2nd. So here it is 21 month time frame and 3 of my dogs sent to heaven. It takes a huge toll on my heart, i feel like it is a losing battle.

 I have to think of the good... starting with Daizy, she lived a long 9 years 3 weeks (but to me that doesn't seem enough), even though being a Chinese Shar Pei with the average life expectancy of 8- 10 years, another website said 9 - 11 years, i should be thankful she lived 9 wonderful years.

My other dog Munki, she was blind, i picked her up every day for 2 plus years, at least 5 plus more times a day just so she wouldn't struggle getting down 3 steps, and carried her into the car so i could drive her to the park. My Munki lived one month short of 14 years old! and she too was a Chinese Shar Pei!! She lived a really "full" life and i am thankful for that.

As for my last pet Jemma, my Rottweiler, she lived to 11 years 5 months old, and 3 websites stated life expectancy of 8 to 10 years and up to 10 years and another will overall average age of 9.6 years....so I did something right for her too.

I honestly am just grasping for any good out of this, i am saddened, i cried alot today and feel like i just went thru this with Munki 10 months ago...then go back 11 months prior and thats when Daizy crossed. So yes 21 months and 3 dogs is alot to handle. And for anyone like myself who has lost a beloved pet at a young as, such as my Dakota who was only 4 1/2 y/o.....all I know is i filled that girl with so much love, and gave her the world and that did not even save her, sometimes things in life are out of our control, with that being said....I know I loved her more than myself and that is what i have to remember (the good things) that love was always there.

I guess since there will be grief in my future, and i have been thru all the ups and downs and know how i will feel, i just wanted to put this thread out there, that i too know in time, i will feel better. And most importantly want my Jemma to know how much i love her and was by her side til the very end and then some.

Even though the pic below was of her when she was 10 y/o, she had such a "smile" on her face i love and adore and miss her badly. She is wearing her "home made" birthday card/necklace that i made for her all because I love her so much and forever.

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jpeg phpo5XNO4AM.jpg (30.38 KB, 49 views)


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jimmy17

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Reply with quote  #2 
Hi Cam, once again I am so very sorry for your sudden loss of the sweet and beautiful Jemma.  To lose 3 of your precious babies within such a short timescale is heartbreaking, but I hope it eases the pain a little in knowing that Daizy and Munki will have been waiting to greet Jemma, and that all three are now restored to youth and health and running free and happy over the Bridge.   The one thing we`re all guaranteed as loving owners is that there will be so many tears along the way - and as hard as it is, the tears are worth it for all the years of love and friendship we receive from such special little friends.  Jemma knew just how loved she was, and she would have known you were with her at the very end, giving her all your love and reassurance as she crossed. 
  Cam, you`ve been through so much sadness in such a short time - just know there are a lot of us here sending you healing and hugs. Take care, and give Roslynn a huge hug too.
                                                                                   Jackie x

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littleguy

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Reply with quote  #3 
my heart goes out to you as you have lost 3 babies in such a short time span I also admire your strength as I lost 1 38 days ago and I'm still a basket case  as he was my dear boy and I have 3 left and I look at them and just think what am I going to do when that time comes again. I just hope that I have one tenth of the strength that shows in your post above and oh how beautiful are your babies the pictures are gorgeous. so sorry for your losses and may you find comfort.

littleguys mom 

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camunki

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Reply with quote  #4 
thanks Jackie and Pamela....i am just having so many meltdowns today, when I walk Rosalyn in the woods, the same woods where i used to take Jemma....I miss having to feed Jemma at night,  I miss her jumping up on the bed and the couch. I miss her nubby tail when i come home from work and her endless kisses. I just miss her. And do have the "flashbacks" of yesterday....at 3:11pm when she crossed........I am proud to say i had the dignity to stay with Jemma for 12 minutes, even after her soul was lifted, I felt ok petting her, and kissing her and trying to close her eyes. It was "her" that made me stay in that room even when her soul was lifted. With Munki and Daizy, i just could not bear to see the body, laying there..........I just hope that my grieving path will be a bit easier seeing that i go down this path every 10 to 11 months since Jan 2015.................I love you Jemma and you too Munki and Daizy!!!


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MySweetSammie

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Reply with quote  #5 
What a beautiful girl your sweet Jemma was!! That smile on her face shined with love, love for you and love that she knew from you. Your strength in pushing through so much loss in such a short time gives me hope that I can survive the pain one day at a time. We are all here for you.
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silvermini3

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Reply with quote  #6 
Camunki, I cannot believe it. I am sorry. The last of your three and in such a short span. My thoughts are with you. They lived long, because you took such good care of them.
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LUCYLULU

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Reply with quote  #7 
Oh Cam~  I love this picture of your beautiful girl. She is smiling & looks so happy with her light eyebrow markings framing her gorgeous brown eyes. Now she is smiling & playing again with Daizy & Munki over the Rainbow Bridge. That you were able to stay with Jemma is very special. You have been through so much these past 21 months. I cannot even imagine the pain of losing 3 babies so close together. But your experience may have given you the strength helped to stop, and to stay with Jemma. You were there for her & for a time of reflection for Jemma, Daizy, & Munki. They are all with you. I hope that you get extra signs from your girls to help you in the coming days, weeks, months. And I am thankful that Rosalyn is home...to comfort you, to love you...and to be right there beside you. So much loss in such a short period of time. But so much love too.  Huge hugs, Kasey
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camunki

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Reply with quote  #8 
thank you all for the responses, had some mini meltdowns today with the tears, yet....i had a dream last night and it hasn't even been 48 hours yet....at 3:11pm today will mark the 48 hour period. Yes, i get very technical with times.

The dream of Jemma, was unusual as to where we were but  she was eating some green pines and she was happy, i had her on a leash and Rosalyn was in the dream too. I was just happy for the dream, well visit, it was very refreshing.

Yes Kasey, i did gain alot of strength in Jemmas last "minutes" for some reason when her heart stopped, i just stayed there I looked at her I still kissed her and whispered in her ear, and tried closing her eyes, they would not seem to want to stay shut, then they finally did.....and the nurse said do you want some time with her, and I said yes. In the past, I could not even "think" of being in a room "after" the procedure was done, seeing a lifeless body.....but you know what? That body was the body that i brought up and cared for that was Jemma, whether her spirit was in her or not, it did not matter, it was my Jemma and I wanted to be with her for 12 minutes after she crossed. Something in my heart made me stay in that room. 

I still know the next couple of months will be tough, and with my record of how i feel when i lose one of my babies.....it seems like it takes me 9 to 10 months to stop the daily tears. Now i don't ball my eyes out every day, but just when i am in the woods, alone with nature, I let my feelings happen. I am not going to hold back on any feelings, the tears will help me heal. 


For now, I still feel guilty, cuz I still want to think of my Munki, she too crossed, but my focus now is on Jemma. I feel like i am dealing with 2 losses, then Daizy comes to mind. It just seems like i cannot get thru **One whole year** without something bad, like losing one of my babies happens..and this is the 3rd baby.

Thank goodness, i was able to take a few days off from work, and just feel my feelings and cry when needed. Sometimes this just does not feel "real" either. I miss Jemma, in the mornings right before i woke up she'd come up to me and slobber me with kisses, and lay her body next to mine on the pillow.....I miss that......I miss her.

Well off to start my day, taking my Rosalyn to the park, alone....thank you all for listening........here are pics of Jemma & Rosalyn (who Rosalyn has only had 8 months to spend with Jemma, Rosalyn is still in her happy puppy mode, not sure if she knows what is going on)

In a way, i wish my Rottie Jemma, didn't lose her health so quick so fast and no time to prepare...I love you Jemma!!!!

And my heart goes out to all, who have lost a beloved pet.....i truly understand the feelings.

Attached Images
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jpeg phpomtRTKAM.jpg (41.46 KB, 31 views)
jpeg phpVXFrwlAM.jpg (53.80 KB, 29 views)


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Miss_my_pug

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Reply with quote  #9 
Oh camunki I am crying with you. I'm so sorry about your babies. Those pictures are beautiful. You must know what an amazing mom you are. I did the same research about certain breed life expectancy and it did comfort me somehow too. i know this has been a difficult year but your positive outlook and strength is so admirable. Hope today treats you well.
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jonancy

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Reply with quote  #10 
I am so sorry for your loss, I remember reading your post when Munki died. I can't imagine losing three furbabies in such a short time, my heart truly goes out to you. The picture of Jemma is adorable and yes she is smiling.

Take care,
Jonancy... Scooter's Mama
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camunki

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Reply with quote  #11 
thank you Miss my pug and my heart goes out to you and your Ling....and Jonacy for your Scooter. Yes, we are all in this "club" we never wanted to join. I did my crying today, i sat down and just looked up at the sky wondering why. This is another journey, i've been on this journey before, 2x so I am all too familiar of the pattern. Seems like it is harder in a way, cuz now I have so many memories of my Munki and Daizy coming to light........and now to grieve my sweet Jemma. She was just with me last week at this time, and so i thought she was fine. I guess in the blink of an eye, your whole life can change. I talk to her daily and let her know how much i love her.....and 2morrow it is back to work for me, try to put on that "I'm ok face" when deep down i will be hurting. I am glad i am able to go outside daily and walk my Rosalyn and just breathe in that fresh air it helps. And posting here helps so much too. Now, I am starting too with my journal for Jemma........along with the journal I have for Munki, still going. I just breathe deep and try to do the best i can. Thank you all for the support!
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Jody

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Reply with quote  #12 
Aww, those pictures are adorable! I can see the love in their eyes for you! Any dog would be so lucky to find you as an owner! You gave them all of you and that's what matters. They all had wonderful lives and will live within your heart forever. Remember they will never they leave your side! I know your heart is broken from the loss of all three of them. It will get put back together. Piece by piece. There are so many people that don't experience this type of love in life. It is truly a gift to have unconditional love from an animal. The downfall is that it is not forever. Hoping you and Rosalyn have some peaceful days together. She looks like such a sweet puppy!
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camunki

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Reply with quote  #13 
thanks Jody for your kind words

Today I have to go back to work, and yes, life does have to go on, even when you are grieving. I had a good walk with Rosalyn and know that i have to get out of bed and walk her every day. When i walk her, i cry all my tears and try to get things out. I wake up and i miss Jemma so much........then i feel like i am disrespecting Munki, cuz I am still journaling for Munki now too....one journal for Munki and now one journal for Jemma.......I actually stopped crying on Sept 4th this year with Munki and changed those thoughts to a happy smile, yes it took over 9 months to stop the tears and get to a good place. Now its a month and 1/2 later and the tears are coming for a new reason, for Jemma. I am going to try my hardest to do the best and keep Jemmas memory and legacy a good one. Today is going on day #3 and its been hard. In a way, I do know what to expect from my past losses of Daizy and Munki last year. My mind just seems so consumed, yet, i did give the best love to my pets.

For now, I know the tears will come and go daily, then many many months down the road they will be less. And each day that goes on in my life will be that one day closer when we can all be reunited.

I am just having a hard time taking this all in, thinking back to one week ago, that is when Jemma stopped eating.....and then her health declined due to IMHA...Immune Mediated Hemolytic Anemia.......and I miss her so much. And i do thank her for that last unexpected kiss at 1:42pm on Friday 10/21 the day she was set free from pain(Jemma in her healthy days was a kissy faced girl, but her struggling for oxygen and being sick, she was not too kissy on her last day).................I love you Jemma to the moon and back and never forgetting and loving you forever my Daizy and Munki xxo

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jimmy17

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Reply with quote  #14 
Hi Cam,  just checking in to see how you are.  I know all to well about having to " put on the okay face", its hard going back to work after such a huge loss.  Unfortunately some people just don`t get how much our animals mean to us - I remember going back after losing Jim, and after the initial hugs and " sorry to hear about your dog", it was more or less accepted that you are okay.   You are so right about how everything can change so suddenly, but at least Daizy, Munki, Jemma and my Jim knew just how much loved they were - that since they came into our lives they knew nothing but love, care and kindness.   I know Rosalyn will be such a huge comfort to you right now, she is such a sweet little girl - and thanks to you, has such a loving home. 

                                                          Hugs, Jackie

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camunki

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Reply with quote  #15 
thanks Jackie.....today i wake up and tears roll as I lay in bed, missing my Jemma....i seem to be in a fog about thinking about Munki or Daizy (i talk to them daily and ask them to forgive me for not paying as much attention as I wish)...Jemma is just consuming my mind, it will be 4 days at 3:11 today. And many tears will fall thru the months, i've been on this path already and know what to expect. Maybe the tears will turn to a smile sooner than later, i don't know. 

I do know i am not going back to the "guilt" part and spending countless hours on the computer figuring out why, how, etc what happened with her. I am staying in the present and knowing that I gave her so much love and she knew that. The hardest part of this journey is just "seeing" her everywhere, in everything that I do. Visions of her cross my mind 100x a day. Going back to work was ok, yes, I got the usual comforts and what not, people are nice, but I am putting on the "i am ok" face...and know that i have to get thru this on my own, in my own time.

Jackie, you know just like your Jim.....its so hard to get thru times, we had our Jims, Jemmas, Munkis and Daizy's as part of our routine, as part of our family, our lives our world and yes, our world can change in the blink of an eye.

I am just rambling now.....and getting ready to take my love Rosalyn for her walk and talk with all my Pups up in heaven.....Rosalyn is such a love, she wags her tail constantly and is so young i don't even know if she knows what went on with Jemma...but I'd love to be in Rosalyns shoes and just be happy go lucky with no worries and just loving life. Someday that time will come my way...for now baby steps and missing and loving my Jemma so much.


Thanks Jackie for reaching out, it means the world!

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