timw98
It was a very difficult decision to say goodbye to my little girl today after 15 years, but I do believe it was the best for her.

This is my fourth time going through this and it never gets any easier. She was my last... for now. My 20 year old Cali passed last year, my Cookie passed 2 years before, my first boy, Carter passed four years prior to that.

So I decided it was time to let Chelsea be the queen of the house for a while. She was blind when I adopted her so many years ago and had a distrust of humans and other animals for quite a while. That slowly melted away as the years went by and her and I formed a bond of trust that improved even more when she was daddy's only spoiled girl. She had the sweetest soul.

We enjoyed the one on one time for many months, but then the reality of age hit us in late May. She had heart disease. Still treatable with meds and that bought us the whole summer and most of the fall. Congestive heart failure set in up a few weeks ago. Unfortunately the addition of Lasix to her meds started affecting her kidneys pretty fast. Even though she had moments during the day when she felt like eating and visiting, they were getting less and less every day. The toxins were setting in and she started showing signs of confusion.

Blood tests confirmed the renal failure was progressing. I felt like it was too soon many times, but having let things go on with vet visits and treatment too long with my other kitties, I decided I would save her the agony. Still hurts though.

Thank you for this group. I feel like I can spill it out here and people will understand. Fortunately my sister does. But most friends and co-workers do not get it.

RIP my little angel.
chelsea1.jpg
Tim
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BorderCollieLover
Hi Tim:

  My condolences on the loss of your beautiful little baby. Yes, all of us in this Forum do "get it." We understand completely as we're all going through the exact same thing as you to one degree or another. It's tough. The pain never seems to let up. You came to the right place. Lots of smart, caring, compassionate people here that can help support you. I hope you post often as we all want to hear how you're doing. 

Jim
Jim Miller
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LauriP92
Dear Tim
Wow Chelsea is a beauty! I'm certain she loved being queen of the house and getting all your attention. You have to feel happy that you were able to do that for her. Our hearts hurt because we loved them so much. Be thankful you did not let her suffer and made the best decision for her even though you knew it would be miserable for you
Sending you a hug
Lauri
Lauri 
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timw98
BorderCollieLover wrote:
Hi Tim:

  My condolences on the loss of your beautiful little baby. Yes, all of us in this Forum do "get it." We understand completely as we're all going through the exact same thing as you to one degree or another. It's tough. The pain never seems to let up. You came to the right place. Lots of smart, caring, compassionate people here that can help support you. I hope you post often as we all want to hear how you're doing. 

Jim


Thank You Jim. 
I will get on here and post more I'm sure.
Tim
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timw98
LauriP92 wrote:
Dear Tim
Wow Chelsea is a beauty! I'm certain she loved being queen of the house and getting all your attention. You have to feel happy that you were able to do that for her. Our hearts hurt because we loved them so much. Be thankful you did not let her suffer and made the best decision for her even though you knew it would be miserable for you
Sending you a hug
Lauri


Thank you Lauri.  I appreciate being able to share on here.
Tim
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Tapati
Such a lovely beautiful baby.... my thoughts are with you....as parents...it is always so terrible to lose a baby...no matter what age he/she was of....a mother's grief can never be compared to any other. I am sure Chelsea is happily playing in her Kitty Heaven .....We will all meet our babies when it's time for us....
Love
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timw98
Tapati wrote:
Such a lovely beautiful baby.... my thoughts are with you....as parents...it is always so terrible to lose a baby...no matter what age he/she was of....a mother's grief can never be compared to any other. I am sure Chelsea is happily playing in her Kitty Heaven .....We will all meet our babies when it's time for us....
Love


Thank You so much Tapati.
Tim
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timw98
So I had to leave for a business retreat two days after saying goodbye to Chelsea and in some ways maybe I needed the distraction for a few hours a day at least.

On the way home from the retreat yesterday, I picked up her ashes, paw print and sample of her fur.
I left all in the bag as I knew I'd lose it if I opened it. I buckled her in the front seat and we went for a drive through the parks. On the way home, I asked her to send me a sign letting me know if she was OK.

When we arrived home I decided to place her on the head board above my bed. She had spent many nights and mornings next to me purring every time I petted her and gave chin rubs.
She would always come in to my room and sit and wait to be picked up whenever she wanted on the bed. She was mostly blind since the day I adopted her, so some jumps were just too difficult for her to navigate.
I happily obliged every time I noticed her there or heard her walk in to the room.

Last night I went to bed knowing she was near me again.

In the early morning hours, I felt movement behind me as I was laying on my side.
Then light paws walking over me. I will admit I was a little freaked as this had never happened before.
I had said goodbye to three other fur babies before and loved them all too.
What I saw in front of me when I finally looked was surreal. A cat with shimmering stripes that moved across their body and then formed into fur and back out. I petted my friend and then I woke up.

I'm not sure if it was just Chelsea or a culmination of all my babies visiting me. All I know the sensation of the movements felt very real to me.

Still feeling like life is going on around me and I'm not part of it. Many reminders in my house and every time I pass a pet store or the pet food aisle in the grocery store. 

But the visit this morning does help me a little.

I have not removed the contents from the bag yet. Need more time...
Tim
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