foolofatook819
Just lost my baby parakeet and I am beside myself with grief.  When does the pain go away?  It's been four days and my stomach is in knots.  I go to wake her up in the morning and she is not there.  I cry.  I want to greet here when I come home from work to the apartment.  It's empty.  I cry.  At night I still think I have to tuck her into her cage and put the cover on.  I walk out into the empty family room, and I cry.  

She used to eat breakfast with me and sit with me to watch TV.  We would even take showers together.  She loved water.  I would turn on the sink to do dishes, and she would chirp.  She would take baths on the bathroom counter with her cute little blue bathtub.  She made the cutest little noises because she was just so excited to have water to play in.  

Her name was Hobo Jo, but I called her Baby Bo.  My sister found her in a dumpster back home, so that is why I named her that.  Bo's timing was impecable, because I had just told my sister and her friend that I wanted a bird.  A vet down there was going to kill it because she deemed parakeets to be "throwaway birds", but I said I'd take her, and I brought her to my empty apartment 6 hours away.  She was timid at first, but we soon became the best of friends.  I trained her to step up with seed treat, and she would hang out with me a lot.  She would sit on her play perch while I did arts and crafts in my back bedroom.  I had her for almost 2 years!  She snuck right into my heart and I couldn't imagine how life would be without her.

But the friday before Thanksgiving, I had her on her shower perch while I was showering as always, and she fell.  She has fallen before and been fine.  I usually catch her.  The last time she fell, she bit me hard when I tried to pick her up, so I promised I would catch her from then on.  But I had soap in my eyes this time, and I didn't catch her!!!  She started having seizures after I placed her on the sink counter and she suffered with them until January 3rd, the day she died.  I had her at 2 excellent avian vets.  They both actually think she was suffering from a tumor that caused seizures, and that the seizure is what actually caused her to fall.  They told me lots of birds fall like that and do not get seizures, so there was probably something else going on.  And usually the blunt trauma seizures happen from flying full speed into ceiling fans.  I just feel guilty for not catching her and worry that it still WAS blunt force trauma that caused the seizures.  I keep thinking, "if only I caught her, things might be different".  The vets and my family all disagree.

I took care of her until the end, and made sure she was safe in a small critter keeper so she wouldn't fall another time when she had the seizures.  She came home with me for Christmas (6 hour drive) and died the day before I had to return.  My boyfriend and I buried her in my family's garden, next to the bird bath because she loved her baths!  He really loved her too.  We are in a long distance relationship (he lives in the same town as my parents), but whenever he came to visit, he would pick her up and she would whistle for him, and give him kisses.

This is so hard because I am away from my support group.  My boyfriend and family are 6 hours away.  My apartment is just so empty too.  My friends up here understand a little, but it's not the same as having people to hold you when you are balling.  And my bosses don't really understand.  One told me to go out and just get another one.  

Does it ever get better?  Right now I feel like the world is crumbling around me!  I just wish I had my baby back!!!
The creatures who brought so much joy into our lives would not want us to be sad as we journey on, for we shall meet again.

Please visit Hobo Jo's Memorial at:
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/HOBOJ002/Resident.htm
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chimimaxmumbles
I feel the same way about my buddy Max who passed away during a dental cleaning yesterday...I just want to be able to snuggle him once more...
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foolofatook819
I'm so sorry chimimaxmumbles!  These first few days without our beloved babies are insanely challenging!
The creatures who brought so much joy into our lives would not want us to be sad as we journey on, for we shall meet again.

Please visit Hobo Jo's Memorial at:
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/HOBOJ002/Resident.htm
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Julia_Loves_McCartney
I'm so sorry for your loss. I do not think anything was your fault. It's normal to blame ourselves. I felt that way back in July when my cat McCartney died of an enlarged heart. I hated myself for not previously knowing that he had this defect. But there was no way I could've known. I am now understanding that I did nothing wrong, and I hope you will soon feel the same way about yourself.

My prayers are with you and Baby Bo. What a sweet, smart little bird.

~I love you eternally, McCartney boy~

You can visit my kitty McCartney's Rainbow Bridge Memorial here: http://www.rainbowbridge.com/residents/MCCAR001/Resident.htm

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foolofatook819
Thank you Julia_Loves_McCartney!  Your kind words really help!  I will pray for you and your beautiful baby McCartney too.  :)
The creatures who brought so much joy into our lives would not want us to be sad as we journey on, for we shall meet again.

Please visit Hobo Jo's Memorial at:
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/HOBOJ002/Resident.htm
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foolofatook819

I can't believe it's been a month since my baby passed away.  Is it normal for the anniversaries to be difficult?  I was feeling a bit better last week, but for the last two days I've been down in the dumps.  I'm remembering how it was like the morning before she passed and thinking if only I knew it was her last day I would've stayed with her and been there for her.  I keep going over what it was like January 3rd, and I just want to cry.  I wish she could come back to me still, and I could give her another kiss and feel her soft feathers.  

I adopted a new baby bird two weeks ago and he is settling in pretty well.  He whistled all weekend and seemed content in his cage.  I just feel bad because last night out of habit I shook the cover like Hobo Jo used to like.  Bo would make the cutest excited squeaks when I did that...and for some reason I was expecting that same reaction.  But poor Pixel just coward in the bottom of his cage and got really scared of the cover.  I felt so bad for scaring him, guilty that I expected him to be like Bo without  even thinking, and so incredibly sad that I would never hear Bo do that again.  I started to cry so hard.  I walked into the other room because I was worried I would upset Pixel more.  I just know that animals understand our feelings and I just hope he doesn't think I don't love him because I get sad around him sometimes.  

I also hope I'm not forcing him to hang out with me too much.  I'm trying to tame him by picking him up and having him sit on me, and I put him back when he stresses out too much, but he still doesn't seem to like it much.  He flew away from me last night, but he ate seed treat out of my hand this morning and let me kiss him...so he can't be too afraid and upset.  He really helps me redirect my focus away from being sad though.  He is so fluffy and cute!  Maybe he knows that and he's just trying to do that job the best he can.  It's a lot to ask of a sweet little baby bird and he is doing awesome!   
 
I just hope it gets better, because today on the one month anniversary it is so hard!  But I was better for a while.  And the heart wrenching, raw, gaping wound deep within my chest that made me feel as if I was suffocating for the first 2 weeks after Bo passed has subsided.  Thank god I don't feel that anymore.  It's just the numb dull ache of depression.  And that gets broken up by my great friends, family, my amazing boyfriend, and little Pixel pants.  It is getting better, just slowly.  I still miss you incredibly Bo, but I have to continue to remind myself that you are still here watching over me.  The quote from Harry Potter, "The one's who love us, never truly leave us." is so true.  And I need to stop feeling so guilty about not being a good enough Mommy for Pixel.  We did just fine, and I know you would have liked him and wanted him to have a good home too!  I love you so much and keep smiling down on us from heaven!
 
LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU STINKY BEE!  You were an awesome friend!!!!
The creatures who brought so much joy into our lives would not want us to be sad as we journey on, for we shall meet again.

Please visit Hobo Jo's Memorial at:
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/HOBOJ002/Resident.htm
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