Mackeigana
Little man Ozzy the shihtzu came into my life in my 2nd year of university (2009). He was a blessing as my family and I were still grieving the recent death of our beloved Izzy who we lost tragically only 2 years into his life and a few months before Ozzy came along.

Ozzy became my dads best friend; he was there with him through many difficult times, including a divorce after 25 years of marriage. Ozzy was his companion and ultimately kept my dad on his feet during the most trying time in his life. We aren't sure how or if my dad was going to make it, it was that bad. With my sister and I in university, we were unable to be there the whole time when our dad needed us. Luckily my sister was at university at home and was still staying at home with my dad and our precious Ozzy. Ozzy was there. By his side. Always. Honestly, he was my dads saviour and we couldn't have been happier he had him.

My dad has been in the most loving relationship with the most amazing woman for the past 2 years, and in August of 2013 she and her black lab, Dakota, moved into our family home. Ozzy adjusted well to his new brother and although they were unsure of each other and Ozzy tried to be the "big man" in the house, they really did love each other. Our house was once again a home with Shauna and Dakota, and Ozzy and my dad couldn't have been happier.

August of 2014 was when everything started to change. Increase in drinking water was starting to alarm my dad and his fiancé and they decided to bring him into the vet. He was then diagnosed in September of 2014 with diabetes, coupled with another diagnosis that was found a couple of weeks later, Cushing's disease. My dad is a diabetic so I knew quite a bit of what this disease entailed, but Cushing's disease threw all of us off. We were told that this was something very difficult to treat, especially when coupled with diabetes. However, my dad and Ozzy began their insulin intake together every morning since the diagnosis, and Ozzy seemed to improve. It seemed to everyone that Cushing's was placed on the back burner until they could get his diabetes under control. Without that under control, they could not treat his Cushing's because the medication could ultimately kill him.

December came and I spent the entire month home with Ozzy while my dad and his fiancé worked. Ozzy was starting to need more and more attention with regards to frequent bathroom trips outside through the day as well as throughout the night. He no longer had the energy he used to have, and was starting to lose his hair. Nonetheless, he was still the Ozzy I remembered and was always the most loving and supportive dog we had in our lives. Our Christmas was amazing and although it was in the back of our minds, we had no idea it would be the last one we'd apend with him.

My last day with Ozzy was January 6, 2015. I flew to Calgary to work and said goodbye to my handsome little man that morning, not knowing it would be the last time I would see him. For the past few weeks I called my dad and his fiancé every couple of days just to basically ask how Ozzy and Dakota were doing. I would also ask when they would be visiting the vet again, because to me, they still had to get this Cushing's disease under control. My dad told me that there was essentially nothing they could do until the diabetes was under control. Within the last couple of weeks he had been declining. My dad said he was losing his appetite more and more and using the bathroom even more frequently. This brought them to bring him to the vet for more testing, at which point they were told it was his diabetes and it still wasn't under control.

This brings us to this week. Wednesday, January 28th was my sisters birthday. I had talked to my dad the day before and he was telling me Ozzy had thrown up all over the floor a number of times. He said if it persisted the night they would be bringing him to emergency. I didn't talk to him on my sisters birthday but I spoke to her and she told me she spoke to dad that evening and he wasn't himself. She said he didn't seem like he was feeling okay and she was thinking he was probably worried about Ozzy. I reassured her that definitely was what it was. Little did I know there was more going on. That evening, the 28th, my dads fiancé came home from work, where she is normally greeted by two very happy dogs. This time, only Dakota greeted her. Ozzy was limped over and could barely stand. She phoned my dad and they rushed him over to the vet. They told my dad and Shauna they had to keep him overnight for testing. It wasn't looking good. The next day, this past Thursday, my dad got a call from the vet telling him that Ozzy now has chronic pancreatitis and the reason he was so sick and in so much pain, was because of this. They told my dad that had they not gotten him to the vet the day before when they did, he would have had complete live failure. In shock and disbelief, my dad said the doctor told him that although a scary diagnosis, Ozzy was doing okay. They wanted to keep him one more night (Thursday night) for more tests. My dad phoned me that day to tell me what was going on and to update me on his condition. He sounded like he was expecting to pick Ozzy up at the vet the next day. He told me Ozzy was in so much pain because of the pancreatitis that he was on morphine because his pancreas was so inflamed. I cried. Cried so much because I had such a terrible feeling but didn't allow myself to research the pancreatitis because I just also tried to convince myself that I would get a call this morning (Friday the 30th) that dad was bringing Ozzy home.

This morning at around 6:30am (9:30am where my dad is), I got a call from my dad. I knew it was bad because my dad never phones me that early. He told me Ozzy had passed away overnight. We cried so hard I thought I was going to be sick. He told me he was so upset Ozzy died alone at the vet clinic and that he should have brought him home. I didn't know what to say but I brought myself to say that he was in so much pain, he was better off at the vet clinic where he wouldn't die in pain because of the medications. The vet called my dad after my dad had gone to pick up Ozzy to tell him there was just too much going on. Between the diabetes and Cushing's and now this chronic pancreatitis, his little body couldn't find off the bad stuff or become regulated. The vet said they couldn't get his white blood cell count down and that his pancreas may have even hemorrhaged overnight. The first thing my dad asked was did he suffer and did he die in any pain. Although they can't say for sure, they're quite positive that because of the morphine and everything else, he would have died in his sleep and gone peacefully. The one thing none of us can seem to shake is that he died alone in that vet clinic and was only seen this morning where he was found not bresthing. It hurts. It hurts so bad I've spent the last 12 hours in my bed crying and looking through every single picture I've taken from my last 5.5 years with him.

My dad buried him next to Izzy, and our two cats who had passed as well, Cocoa and Nikki. This is all so fresh and I'm grieving the loss of a family member from the other side of the country. I just can't believe it and can't seem to find any peace at all at this point but am trying to tell myself that I had so many amazing times with him, most recently the entire month of December, and that he lived a great life. I must have phoned my dad 6 times throughout the day and we cried every second. I feel closer to them when I phone and feel as if I'm not grieving alone. He says he is trying to stay on his feet and not completely break down but it is hard because he says he feels guilty. I told him we did everything we absolutely could for the little guy and he made our family so much better because he was in it. I think the road is going to be a long and tough one for the next little bit and I'm not sure how we are going to get through it, but we will.

I had to write this as I have been laying in bed for the entire day since I heard and just am at a complete loss as to what to do from here. I am struggling with the fact that I didn't get to say goodbye and that he was alone when he passed.

So much love for Ozzy and I will forever hold you in my heart as the most loving and compassionate dog.

Amber

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animal_qwackers
Hi, Amber,

I am truly sorry to hear about the loss of such a wonderful boy. Ozzy was, is, and always will be, an adorable little character. He is so cute, and whilst he may not be around physically, his energy will never die.

Here, on this forum, you are in good company with people who can empathise with the loss of an amazing four-legged friend. I lost two of my own last year. My beloved tabby, Gonzo in July, and my wonderful German Shepherd, Solly in September. I have found it immensely difficult as I lost my feline and canine soul mates less than ten weeks apart. My heart is still shattered.

I do not know your beliefs and, despite me not being a religious person, I do believe that be it human or animal, we all have a purpose for being here, and when that purpose is fulfilled, we reach our expiry date as it were. It's at that time we have to leave behind this plane and journey to another. I also believe that when a human or animal dies, they are never alone, as their energy breaks free from the confines of the physical shell and travels to be with those they love, whether that be one person/animal or one hundred or more people/animals. I have found my beliefs to be a comfort to me at extremely gut-wrenching times although naturally, the one thing I truly wish for can never be.

Ozzy was loved by you all so much and, in return, he gave boundless love and affection, which can never be replaced. Our four-legged wonders don't ask much of life, teach us numerous lessons, and bring such joy and richness that it is natural when they pass we will crumble, some worse than others. That, unfortunately, is the nature of the beast. 

You are in my thoughts as is Ozzy. He is a delightful doggy. I wish you comfort and healing at this sad time.

Wendy


“Death ends a life, not a relationship.” – Jack Lemmon

Solly, Gonzo, Daisy-Mae, Ebony, Jerry, Tigger, Bonnie, Suzy, Cleo, Spike, Sooty, and Tibby – dazzling lights that will never fade. Adored, cherished, I was privileged to know you all. Until we meet again, my beautiful babies. Bowls of love and cuddles, your ever-loving, devoted Mummy xxxxxxxxxx


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Mackeigana
Wendy,

Thank you so much for your kind words. I kept waking up every hour last night and every hour Id start looking at pictures of Ozzy and checking this forum for someone to respond to my heartfelt reaching for someone to talk to.

I am so sorry to hear about your loss of Gonzo and Solly. 10 weeks apart is heart wrenching and I can't even imagine the physical and emotional pain of losing two in such a short time period.

I really enjoyed reading your belief about it being our expiry date and our time to go. I, myself, am also in no way religious but I do appreciate what you just described and it has brought me a little comfort reading that as the one thing haunting my family and I is thinking he was all alone when he passed.

It really struck me to read another post you submitted where you said it still feels as hard as it did when it first happened, because the way I'm feeling now I'm not sure I'm ever going to feel "better" with time. My heart and soul is hurting so badly all I want to do is lay in bed and cry. I continuously have this urge to call my dad to speak to him, although all we seem to do is cry, it makes me feel not so far away and almost as if I'm able to grieve with him and not alone essentially. It's hard because nobody around me here seems to fully understand. I'm sure they think I'm crying like a maniac because I'm crazy but it hurts so bad I can't breath during my fits of crying. It's so overwhelming and overpowering. I'm totally blindsided by his death and this is just killing me. 24 hours ago at this very moment I had just heard from my dad who told me Ozzy passed away overnight. I'll never forget that conversation and what he said instantly through his crying, "Amber he died all alone; why didn't I go up and bring him home last night, why didn't I take him home?" It's still haunting me but I keep telling myself, and sometimes him, that Ozzy had to have been in such a large amount of pain and that's something we couldn't have had disappear while holding him at home. He needed the vets attention.

Thank you so much for your response; it actually helped to have someone reach back out to me today. I almost wish I could convince my dad to come on here because I feel he needs it just as much if not more than me right now.

Thought are with you and your beloved Gonzo and Solly. I hope they're playing with Ozzy right now.

Amber
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shantismom
Amber, There are many people here who understand what you feel.  I will tell you that not one of us is without some guilty feeling, we wonder did I do enough, did I wait too long, did I give up too soon and on and on.  The truth is we all gave our babies the best life we could, we loved them and they loved us.  The grief we feel is because of the precious gift we had of loving them.  My cat Shanti died in October, I am feeling better but will never completely get over losing him but to have had him is worth the pain I feel.  Shanti also had diabetes and had to be put to sleep when they found he had pancreatic cancer.
There is alot of pain involved with pancreatic problems and I comfort myself knowing my boy is not longer having any pain.
Ozzy has no more pain, no weakness, no problems at all.
I know you said you are not religious but I am and I will be praying for you.
Marlene Wagner
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ZiggysDad
I saw your Post and had to write. I had a similar situation and my wife and I are heartbroken. Our 5 year old Boxer ( Ziggy ) had heart disease and although he had a disease he would eventually die from, he was on medicine twice a day and was doing great. Two weeks before Christmas Ziggy developed a cough. So on 12-23 i took him to the vet and they checked out his lungs, and they had some congestion. They said Ziggy should stay there for 48 hours for a breathing treatment to clear his lungs out. Anyway we left Ziggy at 10pm and while i was talking to the cardiologist my wife went back to his room and kissed him nite nite. I didn't get a chance cause i was talking to the doctor and we were coming in at 9am to see Ziggy anyway. That next morning at 605 am the vet called and told us Ziggy had a heart attack and passed away at 545 am. I was DEVASTATED !! I screamed so loud and cried and cried and cried. Its been over a month and I still cant eat. I miss my boy so much. he died all alone !!!  He was never not with us. He loved us so much and loved being with us and his brother boxer Joe. My wife say's he died of anxiety and a broken heart from being alone. I cant stand to think that he died all alone because he missed us so much, I cant take this anymore. I miss him too much and I keep crying all day , every day. Ziggy was my man !!1 I love him so much and he was a special dog. He was a once in a lifetime dog. I still look for him, I think i hear him cry, or hear him sneezing. I miss him so damn much and its not fair my baby died at 5 years old. I almost want to die also so i can be with him. If I knew for 100% there was a heaven and Ziggy was there I would feel better. But what if this is it and he is nothing more then a box of dirt now. i cant think of that. I wish he could show me he was safe. I'm so sad and depressed. I just want to see him or know he is doing Ok. I am in the same boat as you. My baby died alone. What do we do from here on out > ? I cant go on like this I am too sad. I am so sorry for your loss and I will pray for you that you cope better then me, but it seems you are a lot like me so I am sorry !
Lost My Beloved Ziggy ( Reverse Brindle Boxer ) to a heart attack on Christmas Eve
12-24-2014. The worst day of my life. I miss him beyond what words can reply. He was my EVERYTHING. My soulmate, and I am Devastated. He battled Boxer Dilated Cardiomyopathy and Congestive Heart Failure for 2 years. I really thought he was doing well, and then Bang, He's gone... Life will never be the same. Im hurting bad inside and really could use any emotional support offered. I miss him so so much.
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spiritdog
I know all too well the Cushings/diabetes road, and yes it is very difficult. My guy Sidekick got sick at 10, and we battled it for 3 years. I know how hard your dad worked to take care of Ozzy. Many would not do as much as your dad did. And like your cute little guy, Sidekick became overwhelmed with diseases (9) and even though he wanted to stay with me, his body was just too sick. I hope your dad will forgive himself one day, he did the best he could with what he knew.

No one ever knew how sick Side was as he had the happiest, bravest spirit I have ever know.

The grief is crushing right now for all of you, you will grieve as long and as hard as you loved Ozzy.
"People disappoint, dogs never do" - spiritdog

"You MUST be your pets ADVOCATE, if it doesn't feel right walk away." - spiritdog
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Mackeigana
Shantis mom,

Thank you so much for your message. I just spoke with my dad and I couldn't help but cry and cry and say I wish there was more we could have done or that we could have taken him home so he could pass away where he was so loved. But we also talked about how there really wasn't more we could have done. We gave the little guy the best life possible and bringing him to the vet to have his pain controlled and lessened was exactly what we should have done. I have got to keep telling myself this and telling myself he pain he was in is no longer hurting him and he is at peace.

I am so sorry about your baby Shanti. You are so right when you say the pain is worth it because I would never take back my time with Ozzy just to avoid how I'm feeling now. He is worth every single tear and every bit of heartache I'm feeling. Ozzy always liked cats so maybe they're playing together wherever they are. Thank you so much for your kind words again, everyone's responses bring me so much comfort during this unbearably difficult time.

Amber
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Apollo_the_great
I don't believe in a afterlife either, but I don't believe that I grieve for the loss of my dog any less than any one else. They are awewt peace, simple as that, just like we will be.
William
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Mackeigana
Ziggys dad,

I sent you a private message as that's where I originally received this message so I hope it successfully sent. I couldn't seem to find it in my sent items folder but I'm sure I sent it.

It's so eerie how similar our experiences are. Ziggy and Ozzy had very different illnesses but the manner in which they left us is quite similar. It breaks my heart to read about your experience, but I have to admit it was comforting to hear someone knew it felt like in such a similar situation. It's so heartbreaking we didn't get to say goodbye and to think about them passing away at the vets when they should have been with us. But we need to take comfort in knowing that any pain they had been feeling, was lessened by being there and being taken care of in a way we couldn't from the comfort of our homes.

I am not sure when the pain will become less for my family and I, it's still so fresh that I feel like it's yesterday morning all over again. My dad and sister are trying to distract themselves with work and other things and I can't seem to bring myself to leave bed. It just hurts so bad physically that I can't move. My dad and I cried on the phone this morning just talking about how we wished we could have done more but need to know there wasn't more we could have done. His little body was faced with the three diseases he was faced with and he couldn't fight it. It all happened so fast and he was far too young.

My dad told me that he wasn't sure what time he had passed and neither were the doctors. My dad presumes it was somewhere between 5am and 8am that morning. However my dads fiancé remembered something from that morning that brought us both tears and a smile. That morning before they left for work, my dad had some problems breathing. He just couldn't catch his breath and this was around 730am. He couldn't tell his fiancé what had brought it on but it lasted around a minute. He said following that minute, Dakota entered he living room where dad and Shauna were and had a pair of underwear in his mouth. Now this sounds funny but Dakota just wasn't a dog that stole underwear. He was a sock guy, he loved to chew on them and essentially ruin them. What makes this minute and him bringing out underwear so eerie is that Ozzy would always steal underwear. He loved them. So in this minute where my dad lost his breath and Dakota brought out a pair of underwear, we think Ozzy was leaving us. Gives me goosebumps even typing that.

I hope so badly I can cope with this better in the coming days because I know I have to get myself from bed and eat something, it's just hard. I hope you find comfort in our similar situations and that we can relate to how our babies left us. I hope Ozzy and Ziggy are playing together wherever they are.

Amber
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Mackeigana
Spiritdog,

Thank you so much for your post. Sidekick sounds like an amazing dog and I'm so happy you had him for 10 years. Cushings/diabetes blindsided us all as we always thought he was such a healthy, young little guy. I keep saying 5 is far too young. But then again we are never ready for them to leave us whether they're 5 or 10. It's just too soon.

My dad sounded more accepting of the fact that he did all he could today. I think he realized that to have him die at home in pain would have weighed heavier on him than knowing he died at the vet clinic where his pain was gone from the medications. Ozzy knew how much my dad loved him. They were the ultimate best friends.

Thank you again for your response. It is so soon after losing him I can't foresee it getting less painful for us at this point but I know I am in the very early stages of grief and like you said, we will grieve as long and hard as we loved Ozzy.

Amber
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Graceful
Dear Amber, your Dad and  Ozzy (now in heaven),

Your tale of sadness brought tears to my eyes.  So much love.   I, like a few others in this thread, had a pet who was diabetic (feline), who also had pancreatitis not only many years prior to the diabetes diagnosis (he healed fine that first time), but the pancreatic issues did return and accompanied the attempts to regulate the diabetes.  I was on a message board (the first message board of my life with the most incredible, kind-hearted people you can imagine) for people with pets with diabetes, and while so many manage to regulate their pets,  Party, my kitty,  became too ill, and like your Ozzy,  the timeframe was far too short, and my world came crashing down at the time of his death.   He was the love of my life and I did not think I would survive his death.   

What I learned was that diabetes is not as rare for cats and dogs as what I would ever have believed, but despite that, it is still an insidious disease and wreaks havoc on the body.   With Ozzy's heath going down hill so rapidly, I am sure that rationally you can understand why his organs were weakened too rapidly to regulate the diabetes, let alone recapture the strength to battle additional serious health problems.    Many of us have witnessed this heart-breaking and rapid decline in the health of our pets; we understand.
.
I am so sorry for Ozzy's untimely passing and the sorrow and distress to you and your Dad.   I have to tell you that I agree with you absolutely 100% that Ozzy needed to be in the care of a veterinary clinic that night, because he needed to be under heavy sedation to ease his pain.   If your Dad had insisted on taking him home, he either would have had to turn around and take him back, or if Ozzy had died at home, your Dad would have tortured himself thinking he'd made a mistake and should have left Ozzy at the clinic.    Do you see what I mean?   It was his time, and he went peacefully.

Maybe, if you feel your family would be receptive to the idea, you can have a memorial service when you are together, share some readings and remembrances, read poems, and *celebrate* his life.    That might help ease your sorrow, perhaps more than you know.   It's not as though you can't say goodbye, you can, so think about doing something special for Ozzy the next time you are home.   
Keep the faith, 
Grace   xox

"Now that the time has come
 Soon gone is the day,
 There upon some distant shore
 You will hear me say,
 Long as the day in the summer time
 Deep as the wine-dark sea,
 I'll keep your heart with mine
 Till you come to me"  (LM)

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Mackeigana
Grace,

Thank you so much for your message. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your kitty, Party. Everything happened so quickly with Ozzy, his first diagnosis of diabetes being in September and from there the Cushings and finally this week his pancreatitis. It just left us so blindsided as we were thinking things were starting to become controlled in December and he was improving.

It sounds like your grieving of the loss of your Party resembles so much of what we are feeling right now. Almost unbearable and at times it's hard to breathe. I can't believe it's only been 36 hours. It hurts so bad physically and emotionally and like you said you felt, it feels like I won't survive his death.

How comforting that must have been to partake in your first forum and it being one specific for those who lost pets with diabetes. I think what kept me so hopeful with the diabetes diagnosis is that my dad has been diabetic for about 25 years and I see how manageable it is. However, my mind clearly didn't consider the fact that Ozzy is much smaller and it being coupled with Cushings didn't make things any easier on my little baby boy. It is so comforting to read your message, along with the other messages sent to me since I submitted my post on this forum. You really confirmed what I thought about Ozzy being where he should have been to ease his pain. I'm sure he would have rather been in bed with my dad but it wasn't fair to him and we had to make sure his pain was lessened. Your words, "he went peacefully" bring me so much comfort because that is something I keep telling myself over and over.

Thank you SO much for your suggestion about a memorial service. This is actually something I never thought of but it might be something that will bring all of us a little closure that we can attain together. I think by that time I will be more ready to celebrate his life as opposed to right now when I just can't bring myself to smile or laugh about the good times because I'm just still so in shock that I even have to think about anything about Ozzy as just a memory.

Thank you so much again and for sharing your personal experience with Party. I hope Ozzy and Party are together; Ozzy loved cats.

Amber
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Mackeigana
It's been roughly 64 hours since Ozzy passed away. Still struggling with the reality of it all and haven't stopped crying since. Although not constant like the first 36 hours, my tears and breakdowns are now coming in waves as I continue to look through his pictures and think about how healthy he seemed only a few weeks ago.

My sister is worried im not coping with it in a healthy way, because I truly haven't been able to leave bed since it happened. Aside from that, I have absolutely no appetite and have zero desire to be around people in general. The only people I have been able to talk to are my dad and sister and boyfriend. She and my dad are trying to keep busy as much as they can, my dad breaking down whenever he and I speak on the phone. He tells me I have to eat and have to keep busy because although it's a chore for him to do both those things, he knows he has to keep living or he will just breakdown. I know there is no right way to deal with this loss but it is so unbearable im unsure when or if the feelings will subside.

Missing my little precious Ozzy so much. I just wish this was all a bad dream.
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Graceful

Mackeigana wrote:
It's been roughly 64 hours since Ozzy passed away. Still struggling with the reality of it all and haven't stopped crying since. Although not constant like the first 36 hours, my tears and breakdowns are now coming in waves as I continue to look through his pictures and think about how healthy he seemed only a few weeks ago. My sister is worried im not coping with it in a healthy way, because I truly haven't been able to leave bed since it happened. Aside from that, I have absolutely no appetite and have zero desire to be around people in general. The only people I have been able to talk to are my dad and sister and boyfriend. She and my dad are trying to keep busy as much as they can, my dad breaking down whenever he and I speak on the phone. He tells me I have to eat and have to keep busy because although it's a chore for him to do both those things, he knows he has to keep living or he will just breakdown. I know there is no right way to deal with this loss but it is so unbearable im unsure when or if the feelings will subside. Missing my little precious Ozzy so much. I just wish this was all a bad dream.


Hi Amber,
You are experiencing deep grief.   If you read up on the process of grieving, you will see that it has stages, yet it's not necessarily the case you will go through them in order, or that you won't go back and forth on any of them b/c it's not a linear process at all.    This is why you may have a few hours, or even an entire day when you feel like the grief has subsided, only to start up when you are home alone, at the end of the day.   Most of us have to keep it together to a certain extent if we are going out in public, let alone going to work, so the emotions get very pent up all day long.

You are also far from home and that makes this entire ordeal even more difficult, if not surreal.   It is very difficult to be around other people because there is such emotional distance at a time like this between you and everyone else,  but at some point, we all have to slowly return to some routines and regain our footing.

You know, I love the name Amber, and I used to love a TV program (very short-lived) that featured Amber Tamblyn as the lead character (Joan); it was called "Joan of Arcadia."   I bring this up b/c Joan (the title being a play on Joan of Arc) talks to "God" (secular version) and "God" appears as many different characters / people, and always puts Joan to some sort of test, or assignment, by asking her to do something that makes her uncomfortable or that she doesn't fully understand or see how it will help her -- or someone else -- but of course, it always does.   I loved this show -- there was always an obvious moral, but it was sweet.    Sometimes, you have to look at some of life's most awful moments and wonder if you will eventually feel that same sense of talking to "God" if you know what I mean.  In the story, her brother is a paraplegic, after a car accident, so part of the story is how some of her "assignments" inspire him to rejoin life,  even though she doesn't do anything for him directly.  

Sorry for the wall of text, but maybe hearing about the theme of that show with Amber Tamblyn might give you some food for thought.   Take your time to grieve, you have lost someone very special.   Take each day one at a time, that's about all most of us can handle.   
Grace  xo

"Now that the time has come
 Soon gone is the day,
 There upon some distant shore
 You will hear me say,
 Long as the day in the summer time
 Deep as the wine-dark sea,
 I'll keep your heart with mine
 Till you come to me"  (LM)

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