One more sad day without my Sweet Coco. It’s so hard to know that life around me continues without you. My life is not the same. I don’t want it to be the same. I want you to live in me for ever. I want to think of you for ever. When am I going to feel your presence, my sweet girl. Please come to me.
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SweetCoco -
Your story touches me on so many levels. I lost my Josie on the very same day as you lost Sweet Coco. I am beating myself up for leaving her at a clinic that did not have a 24 staff. I actually weighed the options - drive her an hour or so and wait at the ER or take her close by with no overnight staff? I chose the latter, not because I didn't want to drive, but because I thought sooner treatment would be better. No, better treatment at a better hospital would have been better. Knowing that she would not be attended during the night, I had the vet agree to let me take her home with the catheter Tuesday night and bring her back the following morning to resume IV treatments. The vet tech carted her out of the exam room in her carrier and I didn't even get to say goodbye. No kisses. No hugs. No love. This part is killing me. Finally we decided to not bring her home overnight. Josie is technically my adult son's cat, so we discussed the matter as a family. He is in grad school in biomedical sciences. He said it would be against medical advice to take a human home, off their IV, for the night. It would be deleterious to go without the IV treatments for several hours. So ultimately we did not bring her home. We never saw our sweet Josie alive again. Had we brought her home, I would have been convinced I killed her by taking her off the fluids. What I regret is leaving her at the "unattended" clinic. I want her presence to let me know she is okay. To somehow forgive me, even if I am not deserving. I am searching for a sign of her presence. Some people speak of this.... I'm waiting..... I have had no sign from Ziggy either, but his passing was much more peaceful. I grieve for him. I feel a huge sense of loss as he and I had a very special connection. With Josie there is the loss, grief, and terrible guilt. 
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I started crying the moment I read this. I have a feeling that those feelings never go away. It’s been 2 months since Baby Girl passed away and I ask her to come back to me everyday. I felt like I couldn’t breathe for weeks after she left me. She died Friday the 13th in December in a freak accident. I held her limp broken body in the back seat of my friends car to the vet and the whole way there I sang to her (the same way I did when I found her on the side of the road) and I told her she was the love of my life and the most amazing thing that ever happened to me.. she stayed a baby passing away only a year and a half but during that time it was the first time I had a break in life. The first time depression didn’t have me in its clutch and now I don’t know how to survive without her. It hasn’t gotten better but it does get easier. You’ll feel her and she’ll surprise you. Pet every dog you meet and love every soul because she’s around you.
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