SweetCoco
I lost my sweet Coco on Wednesday, February 19, 2020. I’m feeling devastated, lonely, guilty. It was an unexpected death after a hernia surgery. She survived the surgery, but died during the night. The thing is, that she was alone. The vet did not provide overnight care. I was too stupid to think about the option of transferring her to a 24 hour care hospital. She could still be alive if I had. I put too much trust in the doctor. On top of the agony of not having her, I am haunted by the “what if”
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Achilly
Sweetcoco I'm a so very sorry for your loss. This site has helped me so much.
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LaGata
I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish I could say somethi ng of substance that would take your pain away, but l can't. I dont have the words. But know that posting here has been so comforting for me. I lost my baby 2 weeks ago. I was so hurt and confused, I just wanted to jump in her grave with her. There are many people here going thru the same thing. The tears, the questions with no answers, and the pain of losing something so beloved. Live one day at a time. Live for the love of your fur baby. Live for her!
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SweetCoco
I’m just such a mess, I can’t even put my feelings into words. Just like you said, confusion, guilt, unanswered questions, more guilt. She was so strong and young. It wasn’t her time.
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Poshpaws86
I´m sorry to hear this and it´s devastating. There are just some things in life we have no control over and this was one of those situations. 
You loved your dog and I can't say anything that will make you feel better but a lot of us understand the pain, guilt and "what if".

Sending lots of love!
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SweetCoco
Thank you all for providing words of compassion. I am feeling comfort in sharing and grateful to all of you who respond and acknowledge my words. Thank you!!
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Bigcatsdad
SweetCoco,
My heart goes out to you for your loss and the pain and sadness you feel.
Three weeks ago we made the painful decision to put my 16 year old buddy, my big black cat Albert to sleep. He developed a growth mass in his abdomen, he was hardly eating or drinking and in pain. The vet said that older pets would frequently not survive surgery. We made the painful decision to put him to sleep. The hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. I was there through it all and held him long after he passed. I thought his eyes would close when his heart stopped but they didn't. They stayed open, just an empty blank stare. This will haunt me forever, I can still see this in my mind plain as day. The first week was brutal, I cried and cried and so heart broken. The second week the guilt and regret of should I have stepped up, done more, more vet care surgery? The end of the second week I composed myself and spoke with the vet. She told me that after Albert had passed she did a quick examination of him. The mass in his abdomen was the size of a small orange and in among his bowels, intestines and pressing against his organs. Given this surgery was not possible. This gave me a little comfort in knowing there was not much else I could have done and we didn't prolong his pain.
Try not to feel guilt of the what if's, things happen in life that we have no control over. It's so painful to let our furry loved ones go, you loved yours and she would have understood you did everything you could. The close bond you had with her will last forever and will always be in your heart.

This website and forum has really helped me with this experience and heart break, I've got a long way to go but reading others posts going through the same thing and even worse helps as so many other here understand.

I hope as time passes the grief and heartache you feel will slowly start to heal.
Bigcatsdad
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LauriP92
I am so very sorry! I had a cat once that was alone at the vet all night and passed the next day. I still feel guilt over it and that was 5 years ago. 
You did what you thought was best for your baby at the time and no one told you any differently. We rely on our vets for their expertise and sometimes have to remember that they don't know it all. I hope some day soon good memories comfort you. This forum is an amazing tool to express your grief. 
Best to you, Lauri
Lauri 
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