Mazz
Hi everyone ,
My names Mazz and I’m on here looking for a little support after loosing my baby girl smokey yesterday , she was a 12 year old long haired dark brown beautiful cat who I loved with all my heart . She suddenly became ill about a month ago after years of being perfectly healthy and after tests we found she had hyperthyroidism and she was in a bad way, so our amazing vet suggested meds which initially worked well & she was like a new cat again , but shortly after our second check up her levels changed and she became ill weeing / being sick / sleeping 24/7 so we were asked if they could test for other things . It turns out she had severe liver damage and that although they could operate they couldn’t be sure it wasn’t cancer causing it and that we would have to put her through so much trauma just to get her through the operation . For me after being at the vets almost once a week for a few months it was too much and I decided enough was enough , she was suffering and I was sitting watching her deteriorating and my heart couldn’t take it . We spoke to our vet and she said maybe it’s time to let her go . We didn’t find making that choice easy at all but said we wanted what’s best for her . It all happened so fast and a few days after her liver diagnosis we took her and to set her free of the pain and suffering . She passed peacefully with no pain and with me and her dad holding her . My grief right now is off the scale I’ve never ever experienced anything like it and I’m worried I’ll never come out the other side . She was a huge part of our lives and already I miss her so so much . We had her for 12 amazing years and I’m not quite sure how life goes on without her ....... love Mazz
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Lillymylove
Hi Mazz, I,m sorry for the loss of your girl Smokey, it takes a long for us to heal when we lose our beloved fur babies, I lost my girl Lilly almost 2 years ago now and miss her just as much today as back then, but the pain isn’t so raw and gut wrenching but ohh how I miss her.
Take care of yourself Dave.
David 
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Dakota13
Hi Mazz. I’m so sorry for your loss as well. I had to make the choice of having my 13year old chocolate put down March 18th of this year. Not a day goes by that I don’t grieve for him and there are still constant reminders of him around the house. Fur and so on. The best part for me though is that he is not suffering any more. Hang in there dear.
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Mazz
Thanks loves omg your babies are so gorgeous you must be heartbroken :( it’s been just over 24 hours for me and little things set me off , I found her hair on the floor earlier and that set me off , and I went into the fridge and saw her food and I was crying again , I have 2 other babies who I have to be strong for it’s just so raw and so hard to even contemplate life without her she was such a big character thanks for your replies xx
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Mazz
Dear smokey ,

Mummy’s heart aches so much i miss you so so much, I hope your not scared and are with someone that’s looking After you . Me and daddy went and got some things to put in the garden for you and it looks beautiful, we know you loves birds so we’ve made a bird table & put lights on it right were I can sit and watch like I know you would too my baby girl , your sisters are looking around for you and not sure why you didn’t come home like you normally would , smudge is really feeling you not being here but she approves of your new table in the garden and has sat watching the birds just as you would 💕daddy’s hearts breaking as your bond with him was so strong he is struggling to be without you but it’s a process and we are keeping Daddy busy with he’s cosplay thing :) , I am going to the meadow we’re your ashes are next week baby girl so please pop and see me and let me know you are ok , the robins are back so I know your letting me know your ok . But my heart still aches for you and I wish you were still here I’ll never forget you my beautiful Girl love always mummy xxx
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Mazz
Good morning my beautiful girl ,

This morning I woke up to our garden filled with robins & it made me smile for the first time in a long time . Your sisters love the new bird table we made for you and that fact the birds are flying about making them run to the window to chase them . I know the robins are the sign I asked for from you when we said out goodbyes I said to you don’t send me butterflies I hate them lol so you sent me robins to let me know your ok . And I love them I keep thinking of you every time one pops into the garden . I slept a tiny bit better after tiring myself out sorting the garden . We missed you fit breakfast this morning I can’t go into that fridge without thinking your going to come to sit by me at the fridge do your cute meow when I say do you want some CHEEEESE and then follow me around the house watching me get ready . I still can’t bare to go into the room you slept in & it makes me cry to think your not in your comfy spot by the heater , but what keeps me going is the thought your running about in a beautiful meadow with the butterflies and bees trying to eat then all and your free of pain . I still miss you and always will but I want you to know I’m going to try my best today not to cry , i can’t promise anything but I’ll try . Love you to the moon and back beautiful girl love mummy xxxxxxxxx
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Mazz
Good morning my beautiful girl ,

Today I managed to sleep a little better but was soon in tears again hugging your daddy who misses he’s morning cuddles with you . We have a new friend in the garden we have a few birds who are loving your bird table we’ve called it Smokey’s corner and I love watching them eating the food and enjoying the spot itself . I have the guilt feeling kicking in today , did we do the right thing could you of survived it all , but then I remember how petrified you were of the vets and all you had to go through every time you went because of your hyperthyroidism and the added complications which made you so sick you couldn’t even eat :( I wish I could of taken your pain away and made you better as we did the first time you were sick , I wish you were still here my baby girl I wish I could just scoop you up and have you nuzzle my shoulder as you did . We can’t face many things in the house but your sisters bless them are helping mummy loads , sleep peacefully baby mummy misses and loves you more than you will ever know xxxxxxx
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Mazz
Good morning moke moke ,

Another day without you and another day to get through without getting upset every 2 mins :( yesterday was a weird day your sister is missing you very much and searches for you which breaks my heart but she’s eating well and being a good girl for her mumma lots of cuddles and snuggles .

Dad is breaking he’s heart every day not having morning cuddles with you & it’s awful to watch he misses you so so much .
Yesterday we went for lunch by the river and we saw the boat that pulled up outside and I saw it was a cheese boat I immediately thought of you and know you wanted to give us a sigh we both smiled and it made our hearts hurt a little less for a second .

I hope you don’t hate me for the choice we made for you , you know it broke my heart to let you go :( I miss you more than cheese & ham 💔 love always mummy xxxxxxx
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Mazz
Good morning my baby girl . I’m sorry I’ve not written to you for a few days I’ve been trying to spend a lot of time with your sisters who both miss you so much and are both very sad ☹️.

I’m coming to see you next week in your final resting place and hope to have a sign you know I’m there , I have to cycle 14 miles away and back it’s going to be hard going but for you I would travel the Earth!!

The robins in the garden have gone :( so I know it was definitely a sign from you just after you passed away baby girl you know how much I love robins :)

Times passing and it’s not getting any easier baby girl , I miss you more and more and hope that wherever you are your pain has gone and your with someone who’s looking after you .

Love you always mummy , daddy & sissys xxxx
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Mazz
Hey my baby girl , sorry I’ve not been around for a while I’ve been trying to deal with your loss and have been struggling , mummy and daddy think about you all the time little things set me off like going into the fridge for cheese and ham knowing you would be meowing behind me , getting up in the morning knowing you would be in the ironing board sitting siting for a big cuddle . I still have huge guilt that we could of helped you more but as the days pass I realise that you needed to leave us as you were in so much pain so what we did was actually the best thing for you . I miss your fluffy tail wrapped around your feet , the way you snuggled into us when we had cuddles and your cute ways , I’ll miss you forever my darling love always mum and dad xx
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Jan_H
Mazz,

Smokey was a beautiful girl and clearly very much loved. It's so hard to make that final, heartbreaking decision for our pets. But we do it out of love, to end their suffering, and when keeping them longer would be selfish. It gets easier but I understand how those little things can cause the pain to rise up again.

Very sorry for your loss.

Jan
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