Doogie was a pomeranian given to me by my high school boyfriend 19 years ago. I remember wanting to give him back after 1 night with him as he kept me awake all night with his crying. He only stopped crying when i got him to sleep with me. We've been together ever since, and out of all my relationships Doogie has been the only constant man in my life all these 19 years. On March 10 this year, I had to put Doogie down. My girl Fifi passed away just 7 months ago even though she was only 12 then. Doogie whom i expected to go before her, stayed with me just to help me cope. He slept most of the time and had trouble getting up most of the time due to old age. When Fifi passed away, we both took it very hard, he lost his appetite and so did I. Over time, with Rainbow Bridge's support and with my Doogie's support, we coped with Fifi leaving us so suddenly. I knew also that Doogie's days were numbered so I was glad to be working at home to be with him 24/7. Even on Christmas holiday which we normally take a holiday overseas, my husband and I decided not to go and to stay locally instead. We borrowed a friends house near the beach and took Doogie with us. We bought a trolley for Doogie to ride on whilst we take long walks at the beach for 2 weeks. I forced-fed him for the last 3 months he was with me. But on the two weeks leading to his passing, he's been throwing up his food, and finally when i took him to the vet, they found a massive lump on his stomach and when they opened him up, they said it was unremovable, and best to leave him sleeping this way. Yes, I was devastated. More so because a few days before this, we found out i was pregnant for the first time. Doogie knows we've been trying since late last year and he was the very first one to know i was pregnant, i was so overjoyed that i was carrying him around the house and we kept it to ourselves for a while and then told my husband when he got home late that night. So my grief at losing him so soon after the good news and the joy of finding out about the pregnancy were both overwhelming. For many days i was so miserable but i had people pressuring me not to be sad but to be happy and i was so conflicted by this. I felt like i had to pay for such a happy miracle - i didn't want to lose Doogie. People said that it's good timing as Doogie was high maintenance - i didn't agree to this - i would have plenty of me to look after him and take care of myself during pregnancy. Stupid people i thought. Our house felt like a morgue, it was empty and lifeless, and so was I. I had no energy to get up, i didn't want to wake up. It felt hopeless, i felt left behind and abandoned by my two babies. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. I knew for the baby i had to get my act together. A week later, I got an email from someone who is looking for new homes for homeless dogs and cats. I saw Max's photo, he's a 3 year old Jack Russel/ Maltese and his mum could no longer have him. I called straight away and made an appointment. I haven't looked back ever since, Max has made me alive again. He's not a replacement, he's my lifeline. He gives me reason to get up in the morning and feel a part of life again. He's nothing like my fifi and doogie (both were pomeranians) - he's his own person. I miss my babies but i no longer feel like they've abandoned me.