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Christina

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Posts: 4
Reply with quote  #1 

Doogie was a pomeranian given to me by my high school boyfriend 19 years ago. I remember wanting to give him back after 1 night with him as he kept me awake all night with his crying. He only stopped crying when i got him to sleep with me. We've been together ever since, and out of all my relationships Doogie has been the only constant man in my life all these 19 years. On March 10 this year, I had to put Doogie down. My girl Fifi passed away just 7 months ago even though she was only 12 then. Doogie whom i expected to go before her, stayed with me just to help me cope. He slept most of the time and had trouble getting up most of the time due to old age. When Fifi passed away, we both took it very hard, he lost his appetite and so did I. Over time, with Rainbow Bridge's support and with my Doogie's support, we coped with Fifi leaving us so suddenly. I knew also that Doogie's days were numbered so I was glad to be working at home to be with him 24/7. Even on Christmas holiday which we normally take a holiday overseas, my husband and I decided not to go and to stay locally instead. We borrowed a friends house near the beach and took Doogie with us. We bought a trolley for Doogie to ride on whilst we take long walks at the beach for 2 weeks. I forced-fed him for the last 3 months he was with me. But on the two weeks leading to his passing, he's been throwing up his food, and finally when i took him to the vet, they found a massive lump on his stomach and when they opened him up, they said it was unremovable, and best to leave him sleeping this way. Yes, I was devastated. More so because a few days before this, we found out i was pregnant for the first time. Doogie knows we've been trying since late last year and he was the very first one to know i was pregnant, i was so overjoyed that i was carrying him around the house and we kept it to ourselves for a while and then told my husband when he got home late that night. So my grief at losing him so soon after the good news and the joy of finding out about the pregnancy were both overwhelming. For many days i was so miserable but i had people pressuring me not to be sad but to be happy and i was so conflicted by this. I felt like i had to pay for such a happy miracle - i didn't want to lose Doogie. People said that it's good timing as Doogie was high maintenance - i didn't agree to this - i would have plenty of me to look after him and take care of myself during pregnancy. Stupid people i thought. Our house felt like a morgue, it was empty and lifeless, and so was I. I had no energy to get up, i didn't want to wake up. It felt hopeless, i felt left behind and abandoned by my two babies. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. I knew for the baby i had to get my act together. A week later, I got an email from someone who is looking for new homes for homeless dogs and cats. I saw Max's photo, he's a 3 year old Jack Russel/ Maltese and his mum could no longer have him. I called straight away and made an appointment. I haven't looked back ever since, Max has made me alive again. He's not a replacement, he's my lifeline. He gives me reason to get up in the morning and feel a part of life again. He's nothing like my fifi and doogie (both were pomeranians) - he's his own person. I miss my babies but i no longer feel like they've abandoned me.

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Susie_Squillions

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Posts: 947
Reply with quote  #2 
Oh, Christina ~

I remember when you came here after losing Fifi.  Such a sad time.  I'm so sorry to hear about your painful goodbye, but so relieved to hear that you are at peace with the fact that Doogie had such a wonderful life with you.  What a blessing that you found each other 19 years ago!  And now you are Max's blessing.  He is one lucky pup, and I am positive that Doogie and Fifi guided you to each other.

I first came here in 2004 when we lost our silly little Bengal Cat, Buddy Guy.  On March 9th, I had to assist the Heart of My Heart, Buddy's Uncle T.J., on his journey.  We had exactly 16 years, 4 months, and 2 weeks together ~ almost to the minute. He was 10 weeks old the day we met him and brought him home.

I find my comfort in the gratitude that I feel for having known T.J.'s love, and in having known him.  He was truly my Heart Cat.  I recently had an epiphany while I was posting about him here (on his one month anniversary at the Bridge).  I realized that while he was here, he was mine.  Now he belongs to the universe.  It's true of all of our Bridge Kids. They are pure love energy now, and all of their love has been released into the cosmos. 

I'm thinking of you now, and sending virtual hugs your way.  Please give Max some kisses, hugs, and tummy rubs for me!



__________________
My heart is battered and bruised, but I will not let it break. It holds such precious cargo, I must protect it now. (Susie Squillions)

"Memories of loved ones are like songs in our soul." Margaret Wakeley

T.J.'S RESIDENCY:
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/TJ006/Resident.htm

BUDDY GUY AYRES~LYNCH'S RESIDENCY:
http://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/Buddy128/resident.HTM

KING BING THE GOD CAT'S RESIDENCY:
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BINGO009/Resident.htm

In one of the stars, I shall be living.
In one of them, I shall be laughing.
And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night.
~ The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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txgal

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Posts: 49
Reply with quote  #3 
I am so sorry for your loss, especially at this special time in your life.....if you haven't seen this someone posted this when I lost my dog Jake on 3 Feb 2010....

I Haven’t Left At All

I saw you gently weeping as you looked through photographs
You paused for just a moment at one that made you laugh.
But as you turned more pages the tears began to flow
You whispered that you missed me but I want you to know;
I softly licked those stinging tears that down your cheeks did fall
I want to help you understand I haven’t left at all.

On those days that you are overcome with sorrow, pain and grief
I rest my head upon your leg to offer some relief.
When you take our walking path I’ve seen you turn around
Because I know you surely heard my paws upon the ground.

At night while you are sleeping I snuggle at your side
You stroke my fur as you touch that place where I used to lie.
You said it’s just your heart playing tricks upon your mind
But rest assured I’m really there, my spirit’s left behind.

I know your heart is hurting; it’s like an open sore
You think my life has ended and you won’t see me anymore.
But for those of us bound tight by love, death is not the curtain call;
It’s really the eternal beginning that waits for us all
So, dear Master as you live your life I patiently await
For us to be together when you pass through Heaven’s gate.
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parnett

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Posts: 1
Reply with quote  #4 

I do know how it feels to have to say goodbye...

Today I had to put my beloved Roxy to sleep. Roxy was a border collie mix that I adopted in 1993. She was just two years old when we found each other. I feel so alone without her in my life. she was 19 yrs old at her passing. I ache so bad knowing that I ended her life though I know she could not go on the way is was. Roxy lost the use of her hind legs and could not walk anymore. I know I did the right thing but I can't get over the fact that I had her life ended when she needed me the most. Who am I to say it was her time to go.

I knew she wouldn't be with me forever but the pain of letting her go eats at my very soul. I miss her so very much and hope she understands that I did this out of my love for her. 

I'm so sorry we all have to go through the sadness.Know that there are many of us out there and you are not alone. Let us share are grief together. I think this is the only way I can get through this.

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