I went in to my trusted vet of 5years almost one year ago after 2 nights and days with no sleep, because the only time my God-sent Maltese didn't cry or act odd (for him), was when he was in my arms.
I thought he just had his nights and days confused, as neither my mom nor I could walk him due to our own health issues and he was sleeping most all day.
He began behaving strangly. Going to the door at night as though he wanted out, and crying cuz he had to go to sleep at night. Very agitated.
So I would take him outside on the porch, to show him it was night. I would sit and let the wind blow in his face, and let him look around, etc. He LOVED
it outside as did I, his stimulation coming from his walks.
Finally, as he would cough if awake, (he was on tins of medicine from the vet which seemed to do no good), he would just sleep through the day. Even then, he whimpered in his sleep, so I knew he was in pain from arthritis as well.
Still, he was frisky, playful eating and drinking as much as usual, but I finally called the vet.
I was going to see if the vet could give him any arthritis medicine, but instead of telling me that, we had the '*talk", that had been coming.
I better my baby. One hour b4, he was skipping through the living room to find my feet! And he was about to go to sleep after that. I had to pull him out from one of his 'caves', so we could' not b late' for the appointment.
He was SO glad just to be OUT of the house. They had that horrible sickening room all ready. He, in his sweet innocence, was sniffing all around the table and TOTALLY happy and comfortable!
I had to sign papers, the vet (I felt) just wanted to get it done. He wanted it over, ME gone! Quick and easy.
I think I felt cohersed. It was a nightmare. He was FINE, still eating and drinking, able to stand, etc...
All too soon, after at LEAST getting to spend time with him, the vet grabbed the solution and stuck my baby with the needle. Benjie screamed and jumped back, and kept fighting the vet, trying to get away. It wasn't PEACEFUL. And he wouldn't GO!
The vet's assistant kept telling him to" go to the rainbow bridge", but he WOULDN'T! Benjie kept fighting! IT WASN'T his TIME yet!! Finally, I said to him, "Go to Jesus Benjie! Go to God!!"
His back was to me, but he had heard me and leaned his little head and body over to the left in my direction, God, I wanted them to STOP! Stop killing my baby! Stop hurting him!! Don't kill him! Stop!!' Oh God I can't get that image out of my mind! My baby!" Finally he went and I was just glad he wasn't in pain from that Fing Bastard vet anymore!!! She caught his head and his little legs laid down. And I cuddled him until vet made me leave.
I still weep for him. I was a bad momma. I should NEVER have set him down on that table.
When he had gone I asked assistant, "WHAT HAPPENED????" She said, " He shouldn't have done that. He put it in cold.It's supposed to be warm. It scared Benjie"
She was very good with me. Stayed with me. Talked of God with me I think.
But I can't get past it. What Ernie did. What my baby went through. And still the loss of him. By baby boy. It will be a year this April.
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Oh dear I am sooooooooo sorry reading what you went through. I too had a horrible experience at that final visit that I can't get out of my head.  It just keeps running like it is on a loop so I know what you are going through.  You have been at this longer than I have and I keep hoping I can replace the image with something positive, but hard to do.  This Vet for me was a new one (long story) and I guess he DID need to shine that light in her eyes, but she SCREAMED and I had promised her that no one would ever hurt her.  I failed my baby when she needed me most, but it STILL was her time.  At 14 she had a stroke, so even with this event that I can't forget, it really WAS her time. 

What you experienced was AWFUL and how do WE know how things like that should be done.   I have had pets before that needed to be put down and they were PEACEFUL and I felt sad, but knew I had done the right thing.  I do know that looking in the eye tells a DR many things, but I can't get Molly's scream out of my head, and your experience sounds even worse.  I don't know how we can avoid this.

All I can do is wish you PEACE and know that your baby was there to meet my Molly when it was her time to cross the bridge.  You can be thankful for that assistant who stayed with you and did her best to comfort you.  Sending you hugs and the very best of wishes for you to find some comfort.
sitting up.JPG 
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GOD BLESS YOUR HEART SO DEEPLY!!!!!   May I take your heart and give it a hug and squeeze of love!!   We out here do care so deeply and want to help you in any way we can.   I pray for the pain and we've learned just let it rip!  Let it go, cry it out, there are no RULES during this time!!!  Be free in any way possible.  Your beloved soul remains living in the lap of JESUS his Creator and now waiting for your arrival whenever that day comes!  I pray that the Lord give you a vision of your beloved whole, happy, hoppy, in heaven with all the angels, family, other creatures of God! That is where we're all desinted to go......Blessings blessings to you, Vicki   (If you need a great pet Bible devotional I have info) 
Vicki Mattingly 
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Thank you so much! I am just now trying to figure out how this thing works, how to respond. Yes, a scripture verse would be great.

Benjie's mom.
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Here on this website there are links to this forum and there is also a link to a page on this website that has Bible scriptures that pertains to God's love for animals and His plans for them in Heaven. Read them and they will provide encouragement and inspiration.
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Thank you for your response, and may I say that I am SO sorry for what you and your baby had to experience. How very awful for you both,...even IF it was needed.
Honey, I know your baby would tell you that it was OK, that they knew it was not you who hurt them, and to forgive yourself,...that they have NOTHING but love for you and TONS of healthy, boundless energy and JUST waiting to leap up onto you and give you a huge kiss!!
For ME, just writing here about the struggle helped. It was like I gave it away to someone else., though I still miss him almost daily, even right now.
If its OK with you, I will pray for you regarding the screams. For your baby has already forgotten. May God wipe away the bad and replace it with the sweet.
Thank you for sharing!! But yes, I DO still see in my mind, my baby turning his little,wearing out body towards me, my voice, for comfort. And oh! To take it all back, to bring HIM back, to comfort and hold and protect my baby. To not allow that vet ANYWHERE NEAR him....the one who told me before this that he couldn't even put his OWN pets down...

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I guess the experience is maybe a tiny bit better, though as I see him now in my mind, it most certainly is NOT over for me. I used to hold him where I could see his back like that...the way I see it is it WASN'T his 'time'. The jerk vet just broke him down.

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