SeanMichael Show full post »
BorderCollieLover
SeanMichael:

  You are doing exactly what Nature intends for you to do. Cry. It's a perfectly natural (and healthy)response to a troubling, real-life situation. My beloved dog left me in September and I still mourn her each and every day. I liken grieving to an emotional safety valve that needs to be opened and purged. Just let the tears flow. You were an incredible pet parent. The very idea that you are on this Forum is proof positive that your love for Muggsy was/is genuinely forever.  I know it can be tough hearing different things from different people. Everyone has an opinion on how you should grieve and heal. The best advice I can offer is  to take a lot of what they say with a grain of salt. Yes, they are well meaning but no one knows your special relationship with Muggsy like you did. If you feel like crying...cry. If you feel like screaming or yelling...scream or yell. Do whatever you feel is justified to help yourself heal. You know best. There's no time-table or expiration date on when you should feel better or be ready to resume your daily routine. Go at your own pace. It's okay to be vulnerable and struggle. I know, I do. Your presence on this Forum is well received. We all understand. 

Sending positive vibes your way,

Jim
Jim Miller
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Gucci
SeanMichael - I am so sorry the grief is so excruciating right now. You have much on your plate in addition to mourning the loss of your beloved Muggsy: a young child, household responsibilities, a job, and your health. Kudos to you for functioning in the midst of all of this.

There really isn't much you can 'do' per se, except to grieve the way you need to, for however long you require. I was reading an article recently where the writer discusses the grief he felt for the loss (over several years) of his father, his brother, and his cat. He spent at least 2/3 of the article describing his love for his cat and how distraught he was when he lost him. There was a line that really struck me:

'Love makes memories and life precious; the grief that comes to us is proportionate to that love and is inescapable.'

The terrible bargain is that love and grief are a package deal; if you have one, you'll have the other. Human are hard-wired to attach, and the price we pay when we must 'detach' is profound sorrow. It's a rare person who is untouched by loss and the subsequent grief in his/her lifetime.

Please be compassionate with yourself. Your capacity for great love, responsibility, conscientiousness, and caring are evident in your posts. I've taken the liberty of including a link to a man who talks about what grief is like, and I found it a very accurate description:



Sending you warmest regards and wishing you a measure of peace and respite as this year winds down.
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Mistysmama
Dear SeanMichael,
I am very sorry for your loss of Muggsy. Your heart is completely torn. What strikes me though is how deeply he was, and still is, loved by you and your family. You have a good lovely family. Bless them.

It might be wise to talk to your little boy about Muggsy's passing, in whatever terms you feel able to cope with, and think your son is able to cope with. So that he understands, and can maybe come to accept. Small people are smart. Give him the facts, in a form he can handle right now.

Why not place all of Muggsy's memorials in a special "Memorial Box" for him. That way, they are not pushed into a closet, and they are not always out there to upset you all. Close the box, and put a special picture or other little token on top, or maybe carve his name. Then put the box somewhere you all can access it when you are ready.
Don't be surprised or upset if your little boy wants to investigate it. Let him. That will be him, coming to terms with his loss in his own unique way, in his own time.

My deepest condolences for your loss.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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SeanMichael
I had Muggsy's remains and paw prints on top of our kitchen cabinets at first. We have an open floor plan That has the kitchen, den and living room all connected. My wife said she saw me looking up there every 10-20 minutes and wanted us to move it. I moved it into the drawer of the night stand next to my side of the bed. Before I met my wife muggsy slept either behind my legs or up by my chest. So I thought having him closer to me in bed was fitting. Eventually when I'm ready I'll move him to a more visible spot.

My son, Landon, is two years old. He's been infatuated with muggsy since he could walk. He started walking at 9.5 months which was cool at first but not so cool whne he was running before he was 1 yrs old lol. He knew how to rile muggsy up and get him to play. Muggsy would chase him around the island in the kitchen. They had so much fun together. The morning I left for the vet, me and my wife figured I'd be back with Muggsy later in the afternoon. My wife and Landon were going to meet my wife's grandma for lunch. Landon kissed Muggsy goodbye like he always does. My wife was preoccupied with getting Landon and all his stuff together. She kissed me goodbye and told me to text her. She didn't say bye to Muggsy. When she gets upset and cries she says "I never said goodbye" and it's so upsetting hearing that.

She told Landon, Muggsy was going to the doctor. So for 2 weeks straight everyday Landon asked me " Daddy, Muggsy still at doctor?" and I'd fight the frog in my throat and say "yes Landon Muggsy is still with the doctor." and he give a little "aww" cause he wanted to play. Landon fed Muggsy everyday. He liked having little jobs to do. So we'd let him take the one scoop and put it into Muggsy's bowl and bring it to where Muggsy ate. Also, for 2 weeks straight Landon would go into the pantry and start to get the food ready but we'd have to stop him and tell him again that Muggsy wasn't home. I'd have to watch his heart break every single day telling him this at the same time that my heart was already ripped to pieces. I'm not trying to brag about my kid but he's so smart for a 2 yr old.

About a week ago Landon was cuddling with me before his afternoon nap and a commercial on TV had a Boston Terrier in it. Landon sits up all excited and says "it's moo moo!" That was the nickname I gave to muggsy when he was a pup and it stuck. Landon looks at my wife and I wasn't even crying and he says "daddy is sad" and hugged me. Then he said the saddest thing I've ever heard. "did Landon make muggsy go to doctor". So that's when I finally told him as best as I could in a language he would understand...for the most part. I said "No you didn't make him go to the doctor but muggsy had a tummy ache and he's going to stay with the doctor." He just said "oh" and then asked if we could go see him at the doctor and I had to just tell him maybe later. And he said "okay I'll bring him his dinner". Absolutely heart breaking..... He's too young to understand what happened so I didn't tell him yet. Probably won't honestly until he's older and I show him pictures and videos of them playing together




Mistysmama wrote:
Dear SeanMichael,
I am very sorry for your loss of Muggsy. Your heart is completely torn. What strikes me though is how deeply he was, and still is, loved by you and your family. You have a good lovely family. Bless them.

It might be wise to talk to your little boy about Muggsy's passing, in whatever terms you feel able to cope with, and think your son is able to cope with. So that he understands, and can maybe come to accept. Small people are smart. Give him the facts, in a form he can handle right now.

Why not place all of Muggsy's memorials in a special "Memorial Box" for him. That way, they are not pushed into a closet, and they are not always out there to upset you all. Close the box, and put a special picture or other little token on top, or maybe carve his name. Then put the box somewhere you all can access it when you are ready.
Don't be surprised or upset if your little boy wants to investigate it. Let him. That will be him, coming to terms with his loss in his own unique way, in his own time.

My deepest condolences for your loss.
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SeanMichael
Havent done any yard work in the backyard since Muggsy passed away. That's where he and Stella would play every day together. It hurts to even look out there still.... but I had to cut the grass and trim the edges by the fence. There was a spot where Muggsy used to lay and sunbath pretty much everyday. He loved doing that.  After I cut the grass, for some reason, there was dead grass in this area. Honestly in Florida it's probably some kind of fungus. Anyway... the area was in the shape of a heart. I put a picture below.... it's tacky i know but it made me smile.


202001073048165166426944598.jpg 
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