PetraP
My 16 year old blind tiny toy poodle Buddha, drowned yesterday and I am utterly traumatized and heartbroken. We recently had some trees removed and they damaged the pool fence. I put some bricks and a yard trash bin to block it, but things got moved. Yesterday, My son let the dogs out. My daughter let one back in, but both kids forgot to get Buddha. My husband walked by the dog pen where Buddha always slept most of the day and noticed he wasn’t there. He asked My son if he got Buddha back in. My stomach sank, because it was a hot day and I thought he may have been out in the heat too long. But I heard my husband yell “oh my god” and it was a desperate tone. When I ran toward the backyard, I saw my husband run for the pool and Buddha floating in the middle with his head below the water. He scooped him up and brought his limp body out. I was screaming, My daughter was screaming, My son was covering his face and My husband was in anguish. I grabbed Buddha and tried to give him CPR, until I saw blood coming from his mouth. That is when I realized he was definitely gone. There was no return for him. We’ve been agonizing about this since. I’m in a daze and riddled with guilt and shame. I didn’t know he was outside. He slept in his bed most of the time, so no alarms went off for me. We are all just devastated. 😭😭😭 I keep playing out his last moments in my mind. I wonder if he suffered.  It tears me up thinking about him all alone, confused, scared. How long did he try to swim for?  Was he waiting for me to rescue him?  I can’t get the image of him floating in the pool out of my head. I have a melt down when I go water the plants and I see the pool. How will we ever be able to get back in the pool after having him die there?  I work in the field of mental health. I know the stages of grieving. I know about trauma. I know this comes in waves and eventually the pain will not be so intense. I also know that reaching out for support is crucial. I came across this site to find support from others that may have faced similar experiences. This is so hard, because that is not how I imagined for him to go (I know, I can’t control that). We fenced in our pool to be safe, especially for our kids and blind doggie. I should have temporarily fixed that fence better. Now I blame myself. So much guilt, shame and pain!  ðŸ˜¢
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Debbz


Oh Petra,  I'm so so sorry for you. I'm sorry Buddha had to go through this. 
What a tragedy. I know exactly how you feel though. We just lost out 3 year old chihuahua last Wednesday.  She went in for dental surgery and never made it out alive. 😢 . I too blame myself for bringing her to the vet. Eventough I know I shouldn't.  Like another pet owner told me and I know this so well, it was their time to go. We cannot beat ourselves up  like this constantly. We cannot control what is destined to happen. 
I can understand the horrific thoughts you have in your mind and that cant be easy. It is expected to feelije this (not being able to go in the pool anymore ) .  I think we need to give ourselves time and pray. As difficult as it seems we have to give thanks to the Lord even for our misfortunes. I havent been able to do that yet. 

I will be sending you prayers and I hope the Lord gives you strength and brings peace to your heart. 


Debbie
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camunki
I am so sorry about your Buddah, and I don't even have words to say as I am sure you are traumatized with this incident.  I know guilt is the first thing that consumed me, on how I could have and should have done something differently to keep my babies in this world. I am so sorry this happened to you and your sweet Buddah, as this was not planned and was not intentional.  My heart breaks for you. I will say a prayer for you and please keep coming back and posting as we are all here for one reason, the grieving process.....many hugs and prayers your way.

Cam


 
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PetraP
Thank you Camunki and Debbz for your kind words and reassurance. I’m sorry for both of your losses as well. I always wonder how our brains are so quick to go to blaming ourselves. I know we have to go through our grieving process and just allow ourselves to feel all these difficult emotions, but there comes a time when we need a break and relief. It is quite healing to be in he presence of those with shared experiences, even if our individual experiences were different. I am sure neither of you would ever wanted to cause harm to your pet. In fact, Debbz, you were taking your sweet doggie for dental care. I know how important that is and I’m so sorry it resulted in her loss.  But that was not your fault. Their teeth need to be cleaned, or it will lead to more problems down the line. But I get it. The should haves and what ifs take over, because we are their caretakers.  I beat myself up, because the day after he drowned I was outside and I fixed the fence so that he would not have been able to get in. It wasn’t really fixed in the proper sense, but rigged just enough to close off the area. He would have bumped into it and changed his path. I was so stuck on fixing it the right way, that rigging it just to be a barrier did not enter my mind. After I rigged it, I told Buddha I fixed the fence for him and proceeded to break down in tears, because I know it’s too little, too late. I know we have all said it, but if I could just go back in time.......
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Debbz
Petra, I can relate to an incident like what happened to Buddha.  
2 years ago we almost lost our other chihuahua. The day after Christmas (December 26, 2018) which used to be the worst day of my life, until I lost Lulu last week. That day (dec.26, 2018),
(Keep in mind, I live in Quebec), It was -26 outside. My son (11 at the time) who is the designated one to take the dogs out when he wakes up because he's the 1st one up, took the dogs out that morning and forgot Peanut outside. We woke up about an hour later and I saw only one dog in the doggie bed (Lulu). I knew something was wrong.  Called his name, nothing. Asked my son where Peanut was. Started panicking and figured he had forgotten him outside. Went out all of us looking for him all over the place. 
I was honestly beside myself. I didnt know what I would do if I lost him. My son felt so guilty. Everyone was crying and all i could think about was i just hope someone found him even if they dont return him as long as he didn't freeze to death . After a few hours i decided to post on Facebook and share. 
The hours were passing and I didn't know what else to do. I decided to call the SPCA at exactly 10:20 and sure enough, (I will never forget that conversation) the girl who picked up the phone asked me to describe him and asked me to hold. Comes back and says, I think we have your dog. I couldn't believe my ears. I must've thanked God a thousand times that day. All that to say, it wasn't his time to go. 
I completely understand how you feel when you say "the should  haves " . 
And eventhough I know she needed the baby teeth removed, there's a selfish part of me that keeps creeping up and makes me regret not waiting longer to get that done so I could've had at least another year or two with her. 😥😥 . Would she have gotten sick had i not taken care of iy earlier ? Maybe,  maybe not, I will never know but the thought will always be there. I will regret this for a long time. She might have suffered something else maybe. And perhaps this is why God took her when he did. We have ro trust that this was meant to happen to these precious animals unfortunately.  This is the only thing that will allow us to remove some of the guilt. 😔 

Sending you prayers Petra. I hope you find the strength and comfort you need ro get through this very difficult tragic time 😢 


Debbie ❤
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DDs_Mom_12
Petra,

I am so sorry for your loss.  I know exactly how you feel because it has made one week today that I unexpectedly lost my precious cat, DD.  I, too, blamed myself saying "what if I had brought him to the vet more often?"  It seems in life that we all are imperfect human beings, who would like to do over certain aspects of our lives.  

Please take comfort in knowing that Buddha realized your immense love for him.  Having volunteered at animal rescue groups, I saw how animals were "dumped" by heartless owners for various reasons such as moving, new baby, no time, etc.  So see, you should feel no guilt or shame. 

Love and Peace,

Sue
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miasara
I’m so very sorry for your loss. This was a tragic accident with no one to blame. You gave your sweet pup a lifetime of love. Please try not to focus on the last few moments. Easier said than done- I know. My beloved pup was only 3 with multiple painful debilitating illnesses and rapidly declining. I choose in home euthanasia because she hated the vet office. While she freaked out during the euthanasia and cried and cried. Every time I walk by the spot where she died I am heartbroken all over again and this was 5 months ago. I does get slightly easier with time. I’m thinking of you and sending lots of support and comfort your way 
mia sara
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BarbOscar13
Oh my God,  I'm sorry, that is so traumatic,  only time will heal your pain, please stay strong for your family.
Think about all those happy years he had with you, not only the last minutes of his life....
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ClareMcw
I am so sorry for your loss. I understand what you are going thru. I lost my beloved Stella (only 7) dog 12 days ago to a tragic death. She was trapped in our van and no one knew she was in there. I found her dead. I know she suffered and it literally makes me physically sick to think about it. She was my everything. My days have been full of flashbacks and pure torture, crying and lots of pain. All I can say to you is what I say to myself; try to give yourself grace. You loved her. You cherished her. And she loved you back. Every day I ask Stella for forgiveness because she should still be here with me now. The best of her years were still left. We were always together and I am missing her dearly. We hiked, we went to the beach, she sat on the back of my kayak. She was a source of comfort and she was part of our family. The grief I feel every day is emotional, physical and mental. I've never experienced this kind of deep pain. It is chore to go through the day. So, again, I understand. You are not alone. It is just going to take time. Try to stay busy. Try to understand there is no other outcome. Try to focus moment to moment and be kind to yourself, you loved her. My thoughts are with you and your family. 
Amy McWilliam
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