Hi everyone, i wondered if sharing my experience after coming across this forum will help me cope with my loss.
I’m 17 weeks pregnant and struggling after losing my beautiful cat on Thursday.
Last month I took my cat named kitty to the vet as I noticed her right eye was watery and under this eye was puffy/swollen. She was also drooling but was still purring when sitting with me. The night before her appointment I ended up staying up all night worried as her drooling turned into blood coming from her mouth.
Next morning at the vet I told the vet about this and she said it’s probably a dental abscess as this is common with older cats and she said the blood pervious night was probably a good thing as it was probably draining. She gave kitty 2 injections and gave me a course of antibiotics and a liquid pain relief to put in kitty’s food.
She told me to come back in 6 weeks for kitty to go under anaesthetic and get dental treatment done, maybe bad teeth removed etc...and gave me my appointment date to come back...
Week before her appointment kitty stopped eating and I was worried and I phoned the vet hoping they would see her earlier but they said it will be because her mouth will be in pain and keep trying so that she can get some of the pain relief back into her that you should still have. I finally managed after trying different foods to get her to eat some wafer thin chicken and get her pain relief on it. For the next week this worked and that’s what she had to eat over the week. 2 days before her appointment which was last Tuesday I noticed when I came in from work that she had fur missing from her face where it was swollen and was looking bloody and terrible looking and my heart was breaking for her.
Thursday morning came and I got her ready in her cat carrier to go to the vet and she wanted back out of it pawing at the carrier and I was telling her don’t worry you will be going to get better and will be back again soon. Arrived at the vet and they told me emergencies had came in and that they might have to re schedule her procedure and I said but she’s looking real bad, and they said they will try their best to get her seen to and procedure done and told me we recommend a tray of soft food for afterwards which we sell if you’d like to purchase when you collect kitty to help her recover and get nutrients back into her and I said that’s fine I’ll buy them when I’m back getting her. They said they would be giving her x rays and removing any bad teeth. They weighed her while I was still there and she had lost some weight since her previous visit as I had my eye on the scale and mentioned it.
They said ok have a quick goodbye and we will take her through and we will know by lunchtime if the procedure can be done today following the progress of theatre with the emergencies that have came in.
I put my finger in the pet carrier door holes and touched her fur and I really didn’t think that would be the last time I’d see her :(
As lunchtime came and went I thought they must have got her into theatre as I haven’t heard anything yet. At 3 pm I received a phone call from someone from the vet and she said to me we went ahead and put kitty under anaesthetic but the vets have said it looks like a large tumour kitty has in her mouth and her mouth can’t open fully because of it even with the vet trying to open it fully while she’s under anaesthetic because of the size of it and they said there is nothing else they can do for kitty and the best option would be to let her go and put her to sleep while she’s still under anaesthetic so that she’s not waking up confused....
I felt my world shatter as these words were said and I was sitting in shock cos even though I thought myself is this more serious than the vet had originally thought and a tumour even entered my mind sometimes, I thought no it will be me over reacting and over worrying and won’t be, will be a dental abscess like they said :(
I could hardly speak to the woman on the phone through my tears and I couldn’t think straight when she asked did I want to go up and see her body and do I want to collect her body from them afterwards. I said to her I didn’t think I could handle seeing her body and so I said no and asked could they arrange an individual cremation and for me to receive her ashes like I’d done with my cat jess who died 3 years ago. She told me that was fine and that they will go ahead and put kitty to sleep and she gave me the crematorium number to call the next day who would be collecting kitty to tell them I wanted an individual cremation.
I phoned the crematorium on Friday to arrange this but I feel so raw and upset since Thursday and I just can’t get over it and can’t believe that I thought I was collecting kitty at some point that day and not knowing when I left her that it was the last time I was going to see her. I’m struggling to cope and can’t stop crying and feel physically and emotionally exhausted and didn’t go to work on Friday night.
My head is all over the place and I keep thinking could something have been done a lot earlier to prevent this and I guess I’m feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt too thinking have I spotted signs too late and when the vet said nearly 7 weeks ago that it was probably a dental abscess should I have insisted on thorough examination that week to make sure and to get treatment a lot sooner than they had :(
I’m also feeling so upset that I didn’t get a proper goodbye since I had t expected her to be put to sleep that day after thinking it was some teeth getting removed and I think did I do the right thing in not seeing her body for that final goodbye? I didn’t think I could handle it and I’m 17 weeks pregnant and thought that might make things more difficult for me with how I was already feeling on top of pregnancy hormones. Have I let her down? I keep asking myself :( I know she wouldn’t have known I was there since she was let go while under anaesthetic but I’m still asking myself did I do the right thing because if she was awake when she was getting put to sleep I’d have forced myself to go there so that she could see me next to her comforting her but I still feel like I’ve let her down.
She was such a loving affectionate cat and she stuck to me all the time and was very attached me to the point everyone used to laugh and say look at how that cat is with you, she doesn’t leave your side and constantly snuggling up to you and has a look of love in her eyes when she looks at you. This is very true, she was like that all throughout her life with me, following me around the house, snuggling up to me. I feel so lost without her.
When I lost my other cat jess 3 years ago it was instant and very quick and happened in the house, one minute she was running around with kitty being her usual self and then I heard her drop to the floor and was making a sound and died in seconds and was such a shock and the vet said that it was probably a heart attack. I struggled with her death and I eventually took comfort in the fact that it was quick and that she wouldn’t have suffered and was happy moments before. The way kitty has went on Thursday is very different to jess and I feel like she’s suffered the weeks up to her death and I ca t handle that. I keep going over everything in my head and I miss them both so much. I feel so heartbroken.