shaye
its been a little over a month since I lost my beautiful Buddy and it still hurts. every night I stay up thinking about how much I want him back and how I wish I could have helped him. it hurts to remember how he suffered and passed away in front of my eyes. all I want is to have him here so I can scoop him up in my arms or scratch the very end of his back that made him wiggle and make his tail wag. it feels like I lost a family member. growing up with him for 13 years made him feel like I brother because I dont have siblings, so Buddy was like a brother I never had. i have had so many unexpected breakdowns of tears during the day at the worst times because a memory of Buddy pops up in my head and then that leads to guilt and realizing I can't have him back. trying to stay positive and happy has been difficult. im happy one moment and then it all comes flooding back and im stuck with extreme loneliness or grief to the point where I cut off all contact with friends and family during the day. I am hoping it gets easier but it has been hard to keep hold of that hope. not sure how to ease the pain or guilt I just have to take it a day at a time.
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Ell99
hi shaye- im so sorry for the loss of buddy. he really is beautiful. i feel for you as im also a month since losing my kitty and im really sad and lost like you. we wish they were just here again so life can return to normal. we just have to keep taking day at a time- we have no other choice- and lets hope that this pain eases. we are all here for you- you are not alone. elle
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Bailey15
Hi Shaye,
Ell is right. You are not alone. When you are having a bad day just pop on to the forum and someone will always be ready to support you.
Grief is like that - it seems to come in waves. One minute you are enjoying yourself and then something triggers a memory of your loss and it can be overwhelming. Try not to cut off contact with your family and friends. I know it can be tough when people don't seem to really understand what you are going through. I remember going out with a group of friends for a (pre-Christmas) get together and no one mentioned Bailey. I was still deep in grief (still numb) so I was so upset arriving home. My husband was a bit shocked because he knew I always have fun with these friends but when I told him he understood and I was so glad he was there for me. People sometimes don't know what to say or are afraid of upsetting you so they don't want to bring it up, when what you really need is to talk about your loss. That's why this forum is so great. Everyone really gets it.
You did lose a family member. That's exactly what they are to us so it's normal to grieve. I found it helpful to write to Bailey in a journal, telling him how much I loved and missed him and how I was feeling.
Thinking of you and sending hugs your way!
MJ
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winstonsmom12
I am so very sorry for your loss.  My Winston used to love when I'd scratch his rear too.  He passed 3/2/16.  I think of him everyday and say goodnight to him every night.  Buddy was a beautiful boy.  We all have a time frame for our grieving.  Some are long some are a little shorter.  Time is the only healer.  Good luck  Sue
Susan
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CK1991
Yes Shaye. You did lose a family member and have every right to grieve his loss. I think it is admirable that you have been trying to stay positive but when you feel sad for your beautiful Buddy just let it out. Grieving is so hard but it is a necessary part of the healing process - not that you will ever forget your friend.
I am so very sorry for your loss! Hugs!
CK
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JayMcB
Hello Shaye, I just lost my 14 year old beautiful black lab Barney last Friday (27th May). The vet came round and we let him go in the sunshine and peace in our garden.(In the North of England! Yes, the sun does shine sometimes!And it was lovely.)It was his time to go. But the pain and sadness is horrible. I am battling to shut out the last memories of his passing (though they WERE very peaceful and quick). I want to remember him as a fit and happy dog-which he was until the last couple of years when he got creaky and a bit forgetful. But until the last week he was ok. But then he wasn't and we knew it was time to let him go. I have cried an ocean of tears making the decision, but it was the right thing to do.Since he passed, I have been very up and down emotionally.I was ok yesterday. But today,I am a sad soggy heap and feel dreadful. I hope I will be able to get back into some sort of life soon...My husband is looking for another dog for us to adopt soon, but at the moment I still miss Barney too much to think about it. I hope you feel better soon too. I send my best wishes to you.*   
Joy Evans
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shaye
Ell99, thank you so much. i am so sorry to hear about your kitty. its hard to get through but i hope you are doing well and things are getting easier for you. the days go on without our babies but they're still right there with us in our hearts and memories. lots and lots of love and hugs to you Elle, we're here for you too. <3
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shaye
Bailey15, thank you! i am relieved to have found so many kind people on this forum. it really helps during the bad times. grieving is such a mess sometimes. your description of it is definitely how its been lately. one second im okay and the next minute i look at his Urn or hear the schnauzer next door barking and all the bad memories come flooding back. im so very sorry for your loss too, I hope you are doing well & hope you are getting through these days! that is such a great idea to do for your Bailey! I may have to try that out soon, especially days where it gets bad I can write a little paragraph and set it next to his urn. thank you so much, lots of hugs & love to you MJ!
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shaye
winstonsmom12, thank you! im so sorry for your loss, Winston sounds like he was such a lovely boy. I love the name too! I hope you are doing okay! hopefully the grief will get easier as time goes on. lots of hugs & love to you Sue! <3
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shaye
CK1991, its definitely hard but its good at times when im able to let the tears come out and think about all the good & bad times. thank you so very much, hope you are well! lots of hugs to you CK!! <3
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shaye
JayMcB, I am so sorry for your loss! barney sounds like he was a very fit and happy boy! so sweet to have let him go in the sunny garden, it sounds so peaceful. the last moments are the very hardest to forget. I sometimes wish it was easier to forget Buddy's passing since it wasn't so peaceful. but it helps to think that our babies are now happy and healthy on the rainbow bridge. I do hope things get easier for you! I understand how you feel, grieving can be such a rollercoaster of emotions. just know we are all here for you! I hope you and your husband are doing well in this difficult time and I hope you are able to find yourself a new dog once you both are healed of the current pain. lots of love & hugs to you & feel better soon JayMcB! <3
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CKMP
Shaye,
You are right, grieving is a messy time . . . Ups and downs and tears that flow freely some days. . . And, it is the smallest thing that triggers those emotions.  At times it seems as if we are disconnected from our 'former lives' - at times too it seems as if no one remembers and no one understands - That is why this forum is so good - it helps you know you are not alone - and someone is there who understands.  The days go by and we try to learn how to create a life that is different and perhaps also deal with changing values, philosophies and understandings of what this all means . . . if anything.  The energy of your special one can never be far from you - the bond does not break - Buddy is with you - and could never stray far.
Wishing you warm thoughts of Buddy and those special moments shared. . .  
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cojacksmom
so sorry for your loss. I lost my 10 year old (1 week shy of turning 11) black lab this past Saturday and these have been the worst 2 days of my life. like you said, I get these incredible waves of sadness and broke down a few times today while sitting at my desk at work. seems like I will never be whole again and like you, all I want is to have him back and wrap my arms around him and have him with me. I would give anything to just to have 1 more minute with him.

I hope things get easier for you in time. you are not alone :)

Jennifer
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