Mdizzle
Hello everyone. I'm here like you all are trying to find some comfort. I just had to put my 12.5 year old Lab, Niko, down on Sunday afternoon. Nothing has been the same since. I knew his time was drawing closer but I still was in shock as he seemed fine enough on Saturday. I took him to the park, which was his fave, but I noticed he was lethargic and not as happy to be there as he usually was. He ate normal all day but that evening he started shaking and his heart rate was up. Took him immediately to the vet and he spent the night in the ER. They thought he had a couple seizures but was resting so I decided to bring him home thinking he was going to be ok. They said he had been in the same position in their cage all night and with his arthritis, he could barely walk. They said to massage his legs to get blood flow back. We tried. He wouldn't eat or drink and he couldn't walk at all. He was weak and his breathing was too fast. He went downhill from there. We had to bring him back to the ER and I knew this time he wouldn't be coming home. My family had to say their goodbyes. He managed to stay with us until they brought him into the room we were in and then they administered his final injection. They did tests and he had pneumonia, a collapsed lung, and a tumor on his spleen. I've never had to make such a hard decision in my life. I got him at 27 and I'm nearing 40 in a couple weeks. 12.5 years he was my life. My child, my responsibility. I cannot even fathom that I'll never see him again. My family is blended so it was just him and me for sooooo long. He was my everything. I'm so lost and so sad and I've no idea how I'm just supposed to go on with life now. My routine is gone. It's like I have to go cold turkey and my mind can't wrap itself around that. Everything in the house and the yard reminds me of him. Every sound he'd make, every nail hitting the wood floors, every squirrel he'd chase, every fave spot of his or toy . I was his life source for everything and now I feel as if my child (like a human child) has died. I've never felt this type of loss before. I've no kids of my own, he was it. Ugh I miss him so darn bad. So bad.
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et61
So sorry for your loss. Glad you came to this forum and hope you realize your not alone. We all love our animals immensely or we wouldn't be here. Just lost my beloved sweetie and the thought of never seeing him again is overwhelming saddening. Life never seems the same after the loss of our pets
May you find some comfort here.
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JerseyNonna
mdizzle, i'm so sorry to read of your loss of your beloved niko but please know that you will see him again plus i'm certain his spirit is back at home where he was loved (and still loved) so very much.  my beloved service dog roxie passed the evening after this Christmas past and it too was very sudden (no warning at all until that Saturday when I called the emergency vet).  afterwards I have no recollection of the long drive home even and believe I spent the first month and a half in and out of a fog plus I know I was in shock which didn't help.  cold turkey is exactly the feeling I believe you stated so well and i'm sure many of us relate fully to this feeling.  even these months out I still find myself expecting to see my girl next to me or coming around the corner to check on me.  she was my rock on this earth and now she's my light beyond.  we're here for you sweetie and I honestly can say the wonderful caring folks here have been my lifejacket from completely going under in grief.  many many hugs to you.
JerseyNonna
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Beaglemomma
So sorry you have to go through this terrible time.  Everyone here knows how awful this is and we are all here to comfort and support you.  The pain is unbelievable and we do understand.  Glad you found this site which brings comfort to so many people.

Please know that we all get it and feel as you do so you can vent, cry, whatever you are feeling and no one here will judge you.  There will always be someone here to comfort you and you WILL see your baby again.  I am glad you were able to say your goodbyes as awful as that is.  My Molly had a stroke and I don't think she even heard me but I certainly told her every day how much I loved her.

I understand what you mean about your routine being thrown out the window.  Molly had such severe allergies and I too had a special routine for every day and I find myself getting up to do it and then the loss hits again, so you see you are NOT alone.  Take care of yourself. 

Holding you close in my thoughts and sending you hugs.
janice
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Mdizzle
Thank you all for your sincere replies. I know we're all going through this type of grief at the same time, yet I'm sure we all still just feel rather alone. I feel unbelievably alone and I'm sure that's because my best friend is gone. It's the most anguish I think I've ever felt. We still walked a good 5 out of 7 days a week. I'll never do that again with him. I'll never tilt my side mirror to get a view of his whole face as we'd drive down the road and he'd stick his head out. He'll never slap his leg on the ground agin when he wanted extra attention. I'll never hear him drink water again as ridiculous as that sounds. My every day revolved around his eating and medicine schedule. We'll never play growl at each other again. I seriously had NO idea id be going through this when I got him. I knew his every move. Sometimes I even knew what he was going to do before he did it just based on his love of routine. God I miss him so much. These 3 days have just about killed me. I find happiness in nothing right now. We were connected by our souls and my soulmate is gone. How does anyone truly get through this?? OMG!
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Tanya
I feel your pain and I am right where you are. Lost my beloved shepherd yesterday and I am at such a loss and in so much pain. I did not even want to come home because I know she won't be here to greet me ..no more hearing her trapse around the house, hearing her slobber her water or sitting next to me on the couch. I lost my reason to get up in the morning and i don't know how to go on. I have lost other pets before, but she was such a special dog and we had such a special bond, it's like part of me died with her. I am so lost
Tanya
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