Hello Peanut, Mommy had a rough couple of days. One of my grandsons was very sick and had to go to the hospital. Thankfully he's home now and slowly getting better. I wish you were here because you always eased my stress and gave me comfort during stressful times. Tonight I was sitting and thinking about you (as I always do) and bang, here come the tears again. I know this will sound selfish to you but I wish you were here so I could carry you up and down the stairs to go outside. i wish you were here so I could hold you when you had a seizure and tell you again that mommy loves you and is here with you. I wish I could see you laying on the couch next to me. I wish I could carry you to bed and make sure your comfortable. Your sister is laying next to me on the couch next to me right now in place of you. You remember she never would do that. You would be proud of her too because she lays down next to me against my leg when I go to bed until I fall asleep. Another thing she never used to do. I can tell that Gracie misses you. She seems a bit lost. So mommy has been giving her extra kisses and hugs right now. Mommy keeps thinking of the day I put you down and how your eyes became so large and you turned your head to look for me as they gave you the sedative. Mommy tried to be strong but just couldn't stop crying as I hugged you and told you mommy's here and that I loved you over and over. I hope you heard me cause your hearing wasn't the best. I hope I didn't make your leaving harder for you. Mommy wants so bad for you to visit her in her dreams peanut. To see you happy and healthy would help me so much. Mommy was at the store the other day and a elderly woman came in and was carrying a small dog. I couldn't stop looking at her wishing that was me carrying you. I felt I needed to ask the lady if I could pet her dog because I just lost you. It was a therapy dog. As I petted her and talked to her I just kept thinking of you. The lady was very kind. Oh how I wish I could pet you and kiss you right now. To see you looking at me with those big eyes. Xmas is 9 days away. I can't wait until it's over. And the thought of starting a new year without you is heartbreaking. A piece of my heart is gone forever and it's with you. Mommy can't even put into words how deeply I love you peanut. And I felt that same deep love from you. Mommy , you and your sister , we were out own little family. I couldn't wait to retire last year in December to spend more time with you and your sister. We sold our house..moved into an apt and we're starting a new chapter. But now your gone. You seemed to like our new place to live. But I guess God wanted you home. I ask God every night to tell you I love you and miss you very much and to give you a hug and kiss from me. I still light your candle every day since you have been gone peanut and when I shut it off at bedtime I tell you goodnight and kiss your paw prints. I will never forget you my baby, my buddy, my best friend. My little Peanut. Hugs and kisses. Love you always, Mommy
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