It's been a little over a month and I still long to come to my Sparky. He was only 4 years old when he passed away very, very, very unexpectedly. He was my best friend, my youngest son, the love of life. I look for him everyday hoping that he is just going to show up, running down the street to me. I call out his name and he jumps into my arms. But sadly I know that it's not going to happen. There are so many should have, could have, would haves. Blaming, so much so that my kids blamed themselves and begged for my forgiveness. I cry a lot, by myself mostly. I've started to have anxiety attacks, to the point that I thought I was having a heart attack. Once I got his ashes back, my heart calmed down some but not enough. I just don't know how to go on without him. 

I talk to him everyday. His picture is on my phone and I tell him good morning, how much i love/miss him and goodnight. 

I know that our furbabies come into our lives for a reason and to teach a lesson. They leave us even this early to teach us more, but why I'm so selfish? why do I want him back with me?

I want my Sparky-man back in my arms, cuddling and sleeping with me. I want to smell his frito feet and kiss his face.

What I really want to know is does it get easier? sparky.jpg   
For where you find your treasure, you will also find your heart. Matthew 6:21
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Your Sparky was adorable, I love the picture!  Like you I lost my Little Man 3 weeks ago tomorrow and cry every single day.  I just sat by the backdoor crying my eyes out looking at his nose marks on the glass and touching them, it just doesn't feel real, it's just really not fair.  I go through all the what if's in my head and at the end of the day he's not here and nothing can bring him back.  I don't know when it will get easier, I don't even understand this pain, it is so deep and so raw.  I pray for you and you little Sparky, I hope we all find some peace soon.  Take care of yourself, your Sparky would not want you suffering.
Little Man's mom

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I know how you feel.  I to had my share of anxiety attacks when my girl passed.  I would catch myself tossing her a snack, slapping my leg and saying come on lets go to bed, looking for her in her favorite spots, and just expecting her to be there.  Its sad when our little ones leave because they are EVERYWHERE yet NO WHERE.  Its a major adjustment.  My girl has been gone just over a month now I cry less but the pain of losing her is still there.  My sadness is more manageable now I guess.  I still however miss my friend so much.  What helped me was I said goodbye to my friend one night.  I told her how sorry I was for how things ended.  I told her how much I loved her and how thankful I was I had her in my family.  I asked for forgiveness and most importantly I told her it was ok to move on I only wanted her to be happy.  Saying goodbye was hard and I felt like when I put her to sleep I didn't get to give her a proper goodbye.  I was in such a hurry to end her misery that I forgot about saying all the important things like I love you.  Just like you I missed that Frito foot smell which once drove me crazy! 

My daughter although young had a really hard time understanding and even accepting that her friend was gone.  I know its hard but put on a brave face for them.  I struggled with this at times because I was so sad. I eventually told her what happened.  I explained it wasn't her fault (even though her trying to sit on the dog probably added strain to her back which led to her back injury), I also tell her the story of how we got our girl.  Ultimately we decided to honor our girls memory and we took bones to the dogs at the animal shelter.  Maybe you and the family can find a way to honor sparky something that really represents him.  

Give yourself time to heal.  Everyone is different when it comes to grief.  Some people take a day some take a year.  Theres no right or wrong pace when it comes handling your sadness.  I struggle daily but with time we heal a little and we learn how to handle things.  If all else fails and I'm  having a bad day I come here and get cheered up by others who know just how I feel. I hope you find some comfort soon.
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Thank you for the kind words. I'm trying to think of a way to honor him. So far I'm taking in two street dogs and I'm fostering them until they are ready for their forever home. I know I'm not ready for another dog. My three other dogs aren't either. We all miss Sparky too much.

I'm glad I found this forum. Now I don't feel so alone in my pain. <3
For where you find your treasure, you will also find your heart. Matthew 6:21
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Your Sparky is so very hansome :) I to have my Mattie girl picture on my phone and feel that I am selfish for the same reason I just want her back. My heart hurts, and life is just not the same with out her nor will it ever be. Your not alone we all have to greive in our own ways and times. Just know your not alone this site has help me as well. I still have her nose prints on the windows and my car is a fur ball and I refuse to clean it cause it was the last place she was in. Fostering others will bring you comfort and may help you too. I pray you find peace and some day we all will find that peace we so long for. Until then I talk to her, I write to her, and utilize the Rainbow Bridge for support. Your never alone.

God Bless
Mattie's Momma
Susan Turner
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