I've never really posted on anything like this before so please forgive any rambling. I feel like I just need to write about what happened to my cat and hopefully get some support/ words of wisdom from others who have experienced a similar situation.

A week ago I lost best friend. I woke at 4 a.m. to an awful sound. I ran out of my bedroom to find my beautiful 10 year old cat Sgt. Pepper lying on his side struggling to breath. His brother (litter mate) Mr. Mustard was standing beside him and looking up at me as if he was begging for me to help his brother. I of course started screaming. This caused Mr. Mustard freak out. He began attacking me over and over again and would not allow to get close to Sgt. Pepper. After I was finally able to Mr. Mustard in another room I rushed over to Sgt. Pepper. I thought he was choking because for all I knew he was perfectly healthy. I began to do everything I could to dislodge whatever he was choking on. Nothing worked.

I rushed to my car with Sgt. Pepper, still wearing my PJs, no bra, no shoes, no wallet. It took me about 10 min to get to the emergency vet. On my way there I felt Sgt. Pepper go limp and then I felt him release his bladder on my lap. I knew he was gone. I got to the vet and all I remember is running in and screaming "my cat is dead!" The vet was kind enough to take him back and try a few things to revive him, but he was gone.

The vet offered to leave me alone with him so I could say goodbye, but in my hysteria I couldn't stand to look at him. Justing lying there with a tube down his throat. I regret so much not taking a moment to pet him, hug him, and tell him goodbye.

The vet told me he had heart disease and had likely died from an acronym I can't remember at the moment. Sgt. Pepper did not show any signs of this disease. His death was total and complete shock.

I came home, cleaned my physical wounds from Mr. Mustard and cried all day. Sgt. Pepper was my best friend. I adopted him and Mr. Mustard almost 10 years ago. Sgt. Pepper has not left my side since I brought him home. He greeted me at the door every day when I came home. He spent every second of his day and night on my lap or in my arms. He had these big almond eyes that always seemed to be seducing you to cuddle with him.

I miss him so much. I was not ready to lose him, not like that. I still go to fill 2 food bowls in the morning and afternoon. I still expect to see him when I look over shoulder. I still wait for to come and jump on my lap. I still feel his presence in my house. But I know he is gone.

Mr. Mustard and I are trying to get on with our lives without him. Mr. Mustard has never spent a single day of his life away from Sgt. Pepper. I hate having to leave him alone everyday while I go to work. My amazing boss even let me bring my cat to work with me the day after Sgt. Pepper died.

I'm not really sure how to end this post. If anyone has any advise for helping a grieving cat and grieving owner I would greatly appreciate it.

Thank you for reading.
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Sgt Pepper was such a cutie! I can tell he was loved a lot! He knows that you love him, just from the way you tried to get him to the vet is proof of that. And I'm just amazed your boss let you bring Mr Mustard to work with you!
It's horrible losing someone so suddenly. You just feel like you could've done something even when you can't. There's no real rhyme or reason to grief. Just let it come and let the tears flow when they need to. And just know that Sgt Pepper is still with you, watching over you, even though you can't see him. I still feel my beautiful girl Raven in the house, and I think my other girl cat Roswell sees her.
Maybe you can write a "love letter" to Sgt Pepper. I did this with Raven. Just write down all the things you want him to know, and read it out loud, maybe in front of his picture or favorite sleeping spot. It's a great way to get your feelings out. I know they can hear us.
Your sweet boy knows you love him. There's no question about that. Grief takes time, so don't rush yourself. There's no appointed time you have to stop.
My heart goes out to you losing your baby kitty.
Blessings to you 🐱
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Thank you so much for your kind words. I posted last night because my boyfriend seemed uninterested in hearing me cry about Sgt. Pepper AGAIN. Especially because the thing that triggered me last night was emptying the litter box. And my mother (who I would typically call to discuss the wave emotions brought on by scooping poop) is out of the country. I was feeling very alone and forgotten. I was so afraid no one would respond to my post so I truly appreciate you taking the time to read my post and respond.

I am so blessed to have such an amazing boss! He didn't even hesitate when I went to him at 9 a.m. asking to go home and get my cat.

I love the idea of writing a love letter to Sgt. Pepper! I am currently renting an apartment so I chose not to keep his remains. But, in 2 weeks I'm going home to bury a few things of his at my parent's house. He always loved going home for the holidays because he knew my mom would give him treats every time he looked at her. I think I will read the letter then and maybe add it to the little box I bury.

I believe I read in a different post that your birthday is coming up. Happy early birthday! My birthday is Saturday and I know exactly what you mean about not feeling like celebrating. It almost seems unfair to Sgt. Pepper that I should be celebrating anything so soon after losing him. But, as you said, our pets would not want us to be unhappy or sad. I know it's easier said than done, but I truly hope you have a fantastic birthday/ black cat appreciation day. If that's not a little wink coming directly from your Raven I don't know what is.

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Aawww thank you Lindsey! It's just gonna be so hard not having her here to rip bows off packages or jump into boxes and bags. And i know what you mean. I think my friends are getting fed up with my crying over Raven. I don't know where else to turn but this forum sometimes. It's been a real blessing.
Putting the letter in the box is a great idea! I know your boy will see it and know how much you love him. And somehow I think he and Raven will be with us on our special days, enjoying the festivities, even though we can't see them. I try to believe this, hard as it is. They know we love them.
I hope you have a happy birthday as well. It's going to be hard, but Sgt Pepper will be there, as will my Raven. I try to stay positive for her sake, but it's just not going to be the same. Just know that he still loves you, and knows you love him.
Blessings to you 🐱🐺
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